scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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3. Not too bad.

7

Being my usual destructive self but am being damn good at it this time.

-5
If I rinse all my dishes after I eat why should I have to rinse their dirty days soaked dirty food dishes ?
If everyone just rinsed their own like me there'd be not dirty dishes

2
Was able to make a grilled cheese sandwich without burning it for first time.

-6
Wish I'd been born a real man or that society wasn't so sexist against anyone who doesn't fit the stereotype male.

Fivey-five-five now. I talked to somebody! Feels like I am actually getting closer to making
some legit friend-like people.. or at least, some actual human connections.

Not used to having to interact with people (not just in person, but in any form), it is somewhat overwhelming.
But so far is easier than I thought.

-10

I am having quite a lot of suicidal thoughts lately,

I am keeping chill

But its a bit distressing

-8

0

Sure would be nice to have somebody to cuddle with. I have a better chance of eating the sun than getting a girlfriend though.

-1

+1 hopefully, I'll be able to rectify a certain situation in the next 5-10 business days.

3.
My life keeps getting worse, and I'm not sure how to change that.

-1,000,000,000,000,000

My degree is useless because it's not in medicine, law, engineering, or computer science. I could have excelled in those fields if the high school I attended had actually prepared people for college and not given people straight As just for showing up. The school district was afraid that if they took a college-prep route, only the white students would graduate. They were way more focused in enforcing zero-tolerance behavior policies, which were designed mostly to keep minority students in line, than actually educating people. Because of the district's subtle racism, I was cheated out of meaningful employment in a high-demand, high-paying field.

Even if I do find something, I will likely be permanently priced out of the neighborhoods I want to live in. In Houston, those neighborhoods are the Heights and Montrose, both of which are known for quirky, artsy restaurants, music venues, and stores. Those are where the few people in my area with the same interests would likely live. The only way to convince people in other areas to have those interests would be to pass laws that would eradicate religion from society, or simply to force people to have those interests. (most suburbs of Houston are evangelical central, and those people think animated comedies and art-house films are evil and offensive)

As far as relationships, those issues are keeping me from finding a partner with the same interests, and with whom I would be sexually compatible. I swear, if I hear another conservative Christian woman say "I refuse to have sex until I'm married, and even then, I'm only willing to do missionary"--my head will explode.

So I am super-duper stressed about those things.

Feel like trash today... -7

-8

I'm reluctant to go all the way to -10, lest I tempt fate and have an even worse feeling tomorrow.