ARGHHHH HHHHHH HHHHH HHHHHHHH

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My mother! I spent the afternoon with her... it was an ok day. I get back, and naturally need to come online..chat to like minded people, post here. All is going fine, but then she starts going on and on and on about her f'ing curtains and her carpets in her new flat, and what material it is, and how heavy they were and whether she should get a rug to break up the floor and wondering what decoration is going to be done in the block next year...and I am silently wanting to scream as quite frankly, I don't give a flying F about these things! I am not so materialistic as she seems to be...she always seems to take pride in how expensive her things are and never hesitates to loudly say what theater shows she has been to when other theatre goers are around. I cannot bear it.

I am wary though of her calling me selfish or some other hurtful name, so often I have in the past just bitten my tongue and said nothing. But tonight, she was giving me looks because I was not paying her attention and I was feeling I was obligated to give her boring talk my attention! Finally, I said, I dont understand why it matter so much what her flat looks like. She said because it is her home etc and she has done her dues... I said, I don't care about carpets and curtains...she didn't reply...but I imagine it upset her...and I do feel bad, but what else could I do? I am tired of sitting and going nuts in my head because I need silence and she wont be quiet.

I seem to be posting a lot of threads here... well, two about my mother, but I just needed to get this one out. I dont understand how anyone can talk on and on about damn curtains.

Thanks for sharing...neither do I, but for some, like your mother, it brings exquisite pleasure, it seems....

They use it to shut out actual communication with their children.

Unfortunately, we can't pick our parents. We can ignore them however.

Sometimes I say to Sis, "I'll listen to stuff about your job if you'll listen to stuff about Shakespeare." That works for us, mostly. Although it does require a mutual acknowledgement of boredom with the other's hobbies.

I just run away from my parents.

My mother is well over sixty years old and still refuses to understand why I rarely speak with her. She is often nasty when I try to tell her how I feel about something, and has these "principles" that are just freaking weird that she can always use as an excuse to shut me down when I try to talk to her. She has always put everything ahead of her caring for me, the telephone, money, her boyfriends, even when they hit me, and the only time that I was high on her priority list was when she could screw me over.

I live two miles from my parents and I only see them about once a week. I've found that I can only take them in small doses anymore

if you at that moment for some reason really didnt feel up to that conversation but wanted some time off and for your self, why didnt you just say that instead of telling her you dont care about what she wanted to share with you?

I can feel your anguish just from the title...

"We can choose our friends, but we're stuck with our rellies" ~A wise old Kiwi bloke

A wise man once said "Sorry could you repeat that? I was too busy not giving a f@$#"

You know, you could try to make the conversation more interesting. I know what its like to not be interested in anothers conversation, but usually i try to get something out of it myself and it makes the topic so much more interesting. I mean, you dont have to be totally interested in the textures and colors of the carpets and drapes, there are an infinite amount of things to be talked about. I mean, once you start to enjoy the moment so to speak, everything is so much easier and entertaining.

Here are some things i can think of off the top of my head
-what makes these flats so special? -you can add more to that of your [non standoffish] opinion, "to me, as long as they wont rust or break, its all the same" your mom of course would respond to this and depending on the way you said it, or how she feels towards you, she'll try to explain why

-since when did you start liking carpets so much? something you took after your mom?

-"you know, i think red would look better in this room with that carpet"-more opinion, etc

Graelwyn, this has much more to do with your relationship with your mother than it does with having AS and "thinking differently". I can see your not as "materialistic", but you have to put yourself in her shoes, maybe these are one of her few interests that please her in some way you dont really understand. I see a mother who's at least trying to have some conversation and spending time with her daughter in one of the few ways that she can. Now im not taking sides, im just showing you that we all in one way have to deal with what weve been given. You could take this opportunity and make it into so much more than being told about her "materialistic" interests. I noticed you said you dont give a f__k about this sort of stuff, this is the type of attitude that doesn't help you in social situations, in fact makes it worse. Imagine if we lived in a world where everything that you said HAD to really please the other person intellectually and emotionally? Thats a tough paradigm to live, instead, while your in the conversation attempt to make it interesting for you as well.


EDIT: LOL, disregard the flats part, ive never heard that referring to an apartment/house/place of stay

Or: Oh yes, those drapes are lovely. I think I'll just wrap myself in them!

A daughter needs her mother, and doesn't feel like she has her mother if the mother talks at her instead of with her. There is such a thing as too much attention and there is such a thing as too little attention, but a mother needs to be there for her child, even if the child is an adult. My mother wasn't there very often so sometimes her nattering on about curtains and stuff is irritating, and of course it is also irritating when she crudely rejects something that I say about something that I hold dear.