Rants

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I'd like to take a tennis racquet and smash that thing to bits! It is the stuff insanity is made of!

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^(((Hugs dude)))

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Sorry about that.
Thanks for the hugs.

Dont apologize for expressing! No need to be sorry!

((hugs))

I've lost respect for special effects wizard Eiji Tsubaraya. And it's hard to lose respect for Eiji Tsubaraya, but reading about the comment about the model horse in Franketsien vs bargain "because it's more fun!", made me almost want to throw the book I was reading it in, just, destroying the respect and magic and love of the movies almost with one line. Almost a slap in the face of the kid who read encyclopedias on monster films in the past. To the man I am now, who grew up dreaming of building special effects and such, only to have it trivialized into shallow BS by one of its creators? I care about these films, want to absorb all knowledge I can on them, more than he did. it seems. Frankly, I am goddamn sick of this whole "fun-serious" paradigm that humans put on movies, it sucks, and I hate it, I've ever put things into shallow dichotomies like that when seeing or reading up on films. I am an alien to humans, and a "camp", "just chill and not take yourself so seriously" kind of life I keep seeing in like MST3K forums and such, feels not worth living.

It feels so bad to feel spiteful towards someone you still love, and let it show when that person is going through hard times.. I feel like such a b*tch right now..

Alexithymia sucks... It's something my dad has to deal with too which is a big part of why my mom divorced him, and now here I am repeating so much of what he did. As much as I think someone is awesome I can never really get that emotionally invested in them, the only person I can think of where I would be sad for more then a day if I never talked to them again is my brother, and as much as I would like that to change that's easier said then done. I have no idea if this is more of a nature or nurture thing or if there is anything I can do about it.

I have someone right now who I really do want to open up to, and as much as I think they are a cool person and enjoy talking to them I can't through some combination of not knowing how and being too scared. They have been kinda' opening up to be and I would like to return the favor but I don't know how. I have lost too many friends due to me being too cold and distant, and I have spent the better part of a year getting to where I am with this person so I really don't want to mess it up again.

If someone puts a loud muffler in their vehicle, then I should have the right to damage it proportionally to how much it damages my hearing, in terms of their relative value to me.

I'm hungry and tired and pissed, and I feel like a fresh steaming pile of s**t.

I just understood the extent to which I've ruined my life. Lots of struggle ahead, if I choose to proceed. Based on current trends, that seems stupid, if not futile.

I just had a friend contact me, via social media. She has my email and phone, so because of my mood I took it badly. She chose the most detached method to make the minimal contact. I can't even deal with it. How can I respond to, "how's it going?" when I feel like it's going to hell.

People don't really want to interact with me, but have some principle by which they feel the need to insist that I stay around. I don't know what bothers me more, the inconsistency or the selfishness. I'd add cruelty, but again, bad mood.

Thanks

Enough already with the old U.S. Open matches from years back! Show me some tennis from THIS year, already!