Where/how do you find motivation...

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MathGirl
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28 Jul 2017, 10:46 am

... when you are ignored by most people, when everything seems to take you longer and you make major mistakes with your LD/ASD that others do not appear to make/make much less often, when you cannot find anyone you can relate to and/or guidance with your core challenges, and when you feel like complete crap and a waste of space overall?


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leejosepho
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28 Jul 2017, 11:10 am

My motivation comes from a drive (sometimes emotional and sometimes intellectual) to have my natural human instincts, desires and ambitions satisfied. That drive is often challenged by the kinds of things you have mentioned, but my drive to feel needed, wanted and loved and my willingness to continue learning and trying to be needable, wantable and lovable never leave.


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MathGirl
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28 Jul 2017, 5:34 pm

leejosepho wrote:
My motivation comes from a drive (sometimes emotional and sometimes intellectual) to have my natural human instincts, desires and ambitions satisfied. That drive is often challenged by the kinds of things you have mentioned, but my drive to feel needed, wanted and loved and my willingness to continue learning and trying to be needable, wantable and lovable never leave.
Thank you. It waxes and wanes for me. Sometimes I can do lots of work. At other times, I try to do work but then start crying all of a sudden and cannot do anything for a period of time.

I want to learn to be less dependent on others' presence and approval, like doing work for a very distant reward (i.e., most of research work) but cannot really figure out how to reduce this dependency.


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Lace-Bane
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28 Jul 2017, 7:58 pm

having goals that are greater than the self.

as a martial artist, this is going back to school to understand as much as capable about the human body, learning one or two styles of traditional defense arts, being able to tailor those arts to individuals regardless of their potential needs(like physical disabilities), and passing the school, and greater mission on to a few promising students. that’s something found beautiful about martial arts... they’ve been legacies for so long. they're not demanding of one person to perfect in their short lifetime, but are gifted to be refined generation after generation.


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Aristophanes
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28 Jul 2017, 8:11 pm

MathGirl wrote:
leejosepho wrote:
My motivation comes from a drive (sometimes emotional and sometimes intellectual) to have my natural human instincts, desires and ambitions satisfied. That drive is often challenged by the kinds of things you have mentioned, but my drive to feel needed, wanted and loved and my willingness to continue learning and trying to be needable, wantable and lovable never leave.
Thank you. It waxes and wanes for me. Sometimes I can do lots of work. At other times, I try to do work but then start crying all of a sudden and cannot do anything for a period of time.

I want to learn to be less dependent on others' presence and approval, like doing work for a very distant reward (i.e., most of research work) but cannot really figure out how to reduce this dependency.

If you're looking for other's approval to drive your motivation you're going to be disappointed. People aren't consistent in this regard, and it opens you up for psychological abuse (someone that knows you crave approval will use that to their own ends with little regard to the effects it has on you). You need to find some goals that interest you, even if others think they're the dumbest thing on earth, and work towards those. I know that's overly broad, but I don't know you so I can't give more personalized advice. Also, don't tell people about your first few goals until you've reached them, that will take the pressure off for you to please other people and allow you to naturally progress on those goals without fear. Keep the first few simple, and then harder as you accomplish more. This is your life, not someone else's, don't use their measuring stick for your self-worth use your own.



MathGirl
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29 Jul 2017, 7:48 pm

Aristophanes wrote:
If you're looking for other's approval to drive your motivation you're going to be disappointed. People aren't consistent in this regard, and it opens you up for psychological abuse (someone that knows you crave approval will use that to their own ends with little regard to the effects it has on you). You need to find some goals that interest you, even if others think they're the dumbest thing on earth, and work towards those. I know that's overly broad, but I don't know you so I can't give more personalized advice. Also, don't tell people about your first few goals until you've reached them, that will take the pressure off for you to please other people and allow you to naturally progress on those goals without fear. Keep the first few simple, and then harder as you accomplish more. This is your life, not someone else's, don't use their measuring stick for your self-worth use your own.
Fair enough. Upon some thought, I am realizing that perhaps, even though most things I do are inherently enjoyable to me, they are inevitably tied to the social/external world. So, by association, I then begin to think of social situations/people related to them and, because many of my social experiences have been negative, launch myself into depressive thought patterns.


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IstominFan
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30 Jul 2017, 2:32 pm

As long as I can see progress, it keeps me motivated. It wears me out when I find myself in situations where I seem to keep "reinventing the wheel," so to speak. In some areas, I am seeing great progress compared to where I was just a couple of years ago.