Feeling hopeless (trigger warning - suicide)

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dragonsanddemons
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07 Nov 2017, 2:20 pm

AquaineBay wrote:

I'm sorry your first appointment was disappointing. I will probably go better after a while. When I went to my psychiatrist he really didn't ask me much either, it did get better overtime though. Was there anyone with you to help you talk with the psychiatrist?

No, my mom stayed in the waiting room. She's been trying to get me to go in for appointments without her, and I'm not really comfortable with letting her know just how bad things are - I'm afraid she'll overreact or take things personally that don't actually have anything to do with her (like thinking she should have done something to stop me from self-harm or something). I'm going to give it another appointment or two, and if we still haven't gotten to any therapy or real discussion, I'll talk to my mom about maybe finding a different psychologist. I know it takes some time for therapy and stuff to actually help - where I take issue is that he just leapt right into medication (increasing the dose of one I'm already taking and adding two more) after barely having talked to me (the entire appointment was less than half an hour). I'm hoping it's just because first appointments are usually for information gathering but my depression and stuff seemed bad enough that he felt like he had to do something.

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300series
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07 Nov 2017, 2:51 pm

dragonsanddemons wrote:

AquaineBay wrote:

I had a similar situation. I had the same psychiatrist for 20 years, and when she retired, I had to find a new therapist. The first person I saw was a nurse practitioner who saw me for less than five minutes; all she did was ask me about my medications & what kind of symptoms I was experiencing, and she used technical medical jargon. It was frustrating for me, and I considered looking for a new therapist; fortunately, a new therapist from the same clinic offered to see me & get to know me. I still see him, but I no-longer see the nurse practitioner any more; I now get my antidepressants from my regular doctor.

Maybe this doctor could refer you to someone else he knows. You could try a similar arrangement; it has worked for me.

dragonsanddemons
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07 Nov 2017, 3:47 pm

300series wrote:

dragonsanddemons wrote:

Thank you for the suggestion. I'll keep it in mind if I'm not happy with my follow-up appointment.

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07 Nov 2017, 4:10 pm

dragonsanddemons wrote:

300series wrote:

dragonsanddemons wrote:

Thank you for the suggestion. I'll keep it in mind if I'm not happy with my follow-up appointment.

You are welcome, and good luck with your next appointment. I really hope things get better & work out for you.

Hugs.

dragonsanddemons
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11 Nov 2017, 3:02 pm

I haven't been doing well the past few days. My urge to self-harm is worse - now I really want to try using a blade of some sort to get a good bleed faster. I only got maybe ten minutes of real enjoyment out of my Sims game before I was back to not feeling much of anything today. I hope it's just too soon for the med changes to have an effect, I'd really rather not have to do more of that.

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11 Nov 2017, 3:43 pm

Stay strong.
You can get through this. :heart:

I've found, by having a lifetime of depression, that if you can hold out long enough through the really tough times it does ease.
It kind of goes in cycles for me.
Not sure if it's the same for you.

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AquaineBay
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11 Nov 2017, 3:49 pm

If it's anti-depressant medication sometimes when you first start taking it, it will make you feel a little worse than before, Try and hold out for as long as you can, you're a dragon you can handle this right!? So how was the Cats and Dogs expansion on the Sims 4?

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dragonsanddemons
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11 Nov 2017, 3:50 pm

Raleigh wrote:

Stay strong.
You can get through this. :heart:

I've found, by having a lifetime of depression, that if you can hold out long enough through the really tough times it does ease.
It kind of goes in cycles for me.
Not sure if it's the same for you.

Yes, that's how it goes for me, too. I'll be fine for a while, and then I'll be really depressed for a while, and then I'll be fine for a while again, and so on. This time it's being very persistent, but based on past experience, I think it will ease up sooner or later. I haven't had self-harm urges as badly as I have this time before, though. I didn't start leaving lasting scars until this most recent round of depression.

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11 Nov 2017, 3:56 pm

Think how strong you are to have made it this far.
You are actually much, much stronger than you realise.

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dragonsanddemons
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11 Nov 2017, 3:59 pm

AquaineBay wrote:

It's an increased dosage of the anti-depressant I've been taking, and also something that's supposed to work together with it. The new thing does say that it can make depression and suicidal thoughts worse - hopefully it's only temporary.

I wasn't super thrilled with the veterinary career they added in the Sims expansion, because you have to purchase and manage a veterinary clinic in order to be a vet. I just want to help the animals, not deal with all the stuff that comes with owning a business like managing employees and finances and stuff. Otherwise, though, it's really good. I'm mostly just not enjoying it as much as I should because of the emotional numbness I've been feeling. I was delighted to learn that you can have foxes for pets (although they're pretty much just another breed of dog in this game - they also made raccoons that are pretty much cats, but it's the foxes I was especially excited about. Red foxes are beautiful creatures.). I made a Sim version of my dog, and it's amazing how much he acts like my real dog - sleeping on his back and twitching his legs, jumping on my Sim when she gets home from work, barking like mad every time someone knocks on the door... I still have a good bit of stuff I haven't done with the game, too.

dragonsanddemons
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11 Nov 2017, 4:02 pm

Raleigh wrote:

Think how strong you are to have made it this far.
You are actually much, much stronger than you realise.

Thank you for reminding me of that. I have made it through some seriously intense suicidal thoughts without actually acting on them. It's sometimes hard for me to remember how much proof that is of my mental strength.

kraftiekortie
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11 Nov 2017, 4:20 pm

It's unfortunate that psychiatrists have veered far away from their intended purpose.

dragonsanddemons
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16 Nov 2017, 3:14 pm

I was weak today. I stuck a pin in my veins several times so I'd bleed. It doesn't even hurt very much, and it's just so pleasing to me to watch the blood flow out.

AquaineBay
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16 Nov 2017, 4:48 pm

dragonsanddemons did something happen today that made you do that?

dragonsanddemons
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16 Nov 2017, 6:06 pm

AquaineBay wrote:

dragonsanddemons did something happen today that made you do that?

No, this time was just because the urge was too strong. I can't think of anything that might have made it worse, nothing out of the ordinary happened today (besides that).

AquaineBay
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16 Nov 2017, 7:46 pm

Are you getting use to the new medication?

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