I hate to admit this, but....

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While I was not aware this is what I was doing at the time, I had and probably still do have a tendency to talk about past drama in my life and how I feel about it because it almost always is a surefire way to get a bit of attention.

It is difficult to give up being a drama whore.

Yeah, my PTSD is real. But my ways of coping with it are pretty lame.

So, the real question is this - how can I be comfortable with who I am today?

It's good to be aware of your need to cope and to get more attention. What are you good at? What have you tried as coping methods so far?

Well, marijuana and pornography are proving to be very poor coping mechanisms.

I probably will make it a point to start an active private journal again. I feel much more centered when I write out how I really feel in a private space. I feel centered when I practice that. The trick is keeping it up until of becomes a daily habit.

I like the journal idea. Sometimes it's easier to keep up with it if you do it with others, maybe creating a thread about it and giving each other ideas on what to write about.

Not a bad idea. I am an active 12-stepper, so I should have no problem finding others who are willing to go along with the accountability situation.

I hate to admit it but... I can relate.

I have this tendency to bring up past trauma.. I've done it too much, and I can sense it has pushed some people away from me. I assume, it's because I've never fully recovered from it. It still haunts me. Yet no matter who I discuss it with, I find myself as confused as ever. It's as if I am seeking closure, but I never find it.

I despise myself for doing it. Yet, at the same time I feel justified, because I never got any support in the first place, when I needed it the most..

I don't believe I do it for attention, I don't ever cause a scene when there's several people present, and I don't want empty compliments or sympathy. I think I just want to be understood. I think the feeling of understanding and connection is the thing I long for.

As great as that sounds, I know it makes me draining to be around. Or at best just painfully boring..

Maybe you need the attention you say you want. We all want and need attention. We're human beings. Anyone who says they don't EVER EVER want attention is lying and maybe even looking for attention for not wanting attention!

^ I don't believe that's true at all. Just because someone doesn't like attention doesn't mean they're lying.
Some people are very self conscious for whatever reason (like me) or even have social anxiety (like many people here) and thus, attention is actually very stressful and unpleasant. Some people are made anxious or uncomfortable by being the centre of attention.

I've never understood exactly what the point of wanting attention is. What do you do with it when you get it? I don't understand how it benefits people. How does being a drama whore benefit you? Like, what do you get out of it? Especially attention for something negative like troubles from the past. Do you find that people just pity you instead?
I for one don't find being pitied enjoyable, so tend to shut up about past troubles.

Awareness and understanding, in my opinion. I find a great deal of equanimity when I practice dharma properly (probably obvious by my bad temperament at the moment that I have let that slide). Knowing, understanding, and being mindfully aware of your influences and behaviour, and being able to be equitable enough to just observe it and correct where necessary, without becoming involved in it.
PTSD? This always confuses me too. I always read the clinical definitions of diagnosed PTSD involved the direct threat of death to you or someone you knew. I don't know about your situation - but was that the case? Were you diagnosed that way?
The journalling can be a good idea for some. It's a bad one for me personally much of the time, because I get obsessive repetition, and just repeat the same issues over and over and over, without making progress or resolving anything, until that starts to drive me nuts in itself. I actually started the journal to keep a track of these repetitions, because often, it's amnesiac. I won't remember I have had these same thoughts dozens, hundreds of times before.
I'm finding art journalling much more creative and positive than written versions.
Keep going on your 12 stepping though! I don't agree with AA's barely-veiled Christian bent, but am in recovery too so mad supports!