We Love Esmeralda Weatherwax

Post Reply New Topic

Hi everybody - this thread now includes all of the posts from Ezra's thread too. I was just stunned to have two threads on this topic but I didn't want anyone's feelings to be hurt by that... so many of us here are lonely and feel unappreciated. (and much too often, ARE unappreciated )

So the newer posts were added into the older thread and I wanted to let people know.

An embarrassing confession: I was savagely bullied through all my work life because I did a very good job, and I worked with people who fiercely resented it when someone else got anything good - especially if it was deserved. Not everyone I worked with was like that, but my line of work attracted lazy narcissists in mid and upper level management, and I unfortunately worked for (and alongside) too many of them. So when people appreciate me, it scares me to death - I'm always expecting someone to punish me for it, because that is what always happened IRL. The only way I could get promotions, for instance, was to change jobs - and work elsewhere in the organization.

I've been diagnosed with PTSD from that (which I'm now able to do something about because I'm no longer working and in it up to my neck.) But I'm not very far along in treatment yet. So, instead of explaining all this up front, I panicked, worried about hurting people and about being hurt.

Now I'm explaining it after the fact. For this, I apologize, especially to Ezra but also to Kuraudo - neither of you did anything wrong, what you each did was lovely, absolutely lovely. It's my own past history (which was consistent, and relentless, and is why I decided to retire early) that scared me, and I hope this solution will be OK with both of you. Anger at me for doing this unilaterally without prior notice or agreement is reasonable, I deserve it, and I ask your forgiveness, and if you want to PM me I'll humbly accept any rebuke that either of you wish to give me. There, in private, or here, in public.

I don't give rebukes. I give hugs. Except I sometimes give rebukes to myself, which is a whole other 'kettle of fish', as the saying goes.

Speaking of Ged and the Earthsea series, an important moment happened when I read the second book, The Tombs of Atuan. I wondered throughout the story why Ged was so weak [I hadn't read the first book, by the way]. Then, near the end, when he told Tenar that he was constantly striving with all his might and willpower, in every moment, without rest, just to keep the Nameless Ones at bay, I realized that Ged is a true hero in that regard. Just to think about trying to do such a thing, all alone...it's kind of mind-boggling.

you're a survivor, you OUTLASTED the jerks. now you will continue to live a good and proper life while your tormentors will just continue to be no-goodniks. you're doing way better than them.

Thank you Kura - (hug back, with kitties)

that quality in Ged is also in Rincewind - shows up very clearly in "Interesting Times". Which I'm still re-reading. Even though he doesn't see it in himself it's there.

Blabster, that's true, and I don't often see it that way. I did have PTSD tx while working, and it helped, but the environment was so toxic and the toxicity so pervasive that all I could do was keep dog-paddling and try not to go under. Now I can actually try to heal. Thank you for that helpful thought.

It's that sort of 'determined, exhaustion-inducing heroic resolve', isn't it?

I went downstairs to get laundry, and Boo followed me, and jumped on the freezer like she does when it's supper time [which is two hours away]. When I went back up, I saw her head peeking around the doorway at me, as if saying 'where are you going???'

Heh heh.

I am pretty sure, even though I was not dx'ed, that I had something akin to PTSD from my 2+ decades of working for the uncivil service. there were so many sociopathic/malignantly narcissistic people there all around me, having to watch one's back and document everything every single day, just gave me adrenal exhaustion at the end of it.

^^ Oh for heaven's sake, that little booger is too cute for words

Over in Yurp, where I lived for awhile, they recognized something called PDSD - prolonged duress stress disorder. It's PTSD without the combat experience. PTSD from purely psychological torture. That's what I have - sounds as though you might, too. Yurp seems generally about 7 - 10 years ahead of the US, as far as "getting" the nuances of psych stuff.

I raise my glass to you (actually, my mug of warm eggnog, which is quite delicious), Brother Blabs. We survived.

^^^ yup. but I don't know how much longer I got, my body is starting to age faster than my brain, but that is something to be thankful for, it'd be awful if it was the other way 'round.

Esmeralda is one cute dame!

indubitably.

I picked Boo up last night. She was on my lap on the bed, and got up, and I picked her up and cuddled her. She wiggled free, but didn't jump off and run away; she stayed and curled up beside me.

I just read that an adaptation of Mort was planned, but didn't amount to anything because the producers wanted to "lose the Death angle".