What's on your mind right now?

Post Reply New Topic

Nine months ago started counseling with the current counselor.

Counselor told me that the insurance only pays for one year of counseling

Counseling with that counselor thus far feels great

But maybe it is just making me more codependent

And maybe the counselor is just humoring me because the insurance pays her 75 bucks an hour to interact with me

Thus far the counselor has not yet told me that I did or said anything bad or wrong. But almost everyone else that I interacted with for any significant amount of time, has had the nerve to tell me that I did or said something bad or wrong. Or make that implication. And that includes at least ten (paid) professional counselors and at least twenty trained volunteer counselor's.

And the current counselor appears too good to be true

Which makes me paranoid she is too good to be true

In the past, when someone appeared perfect, sooner or later it turned out that he or she had profound flaws. For example, someone that appeared ( to me), academically smart, easygoing, socially adept, visually handsome, emotionally resilient. And I wrongly and stupidly assumed he liked, cared about and accepted me. And then it turned out he was homophobic

So paranoid that the current counselor has some huge flaw, that will make me emotionally disturbed, if I trust or idolize the counselor

Lace-Bane, it really is a big deal to find the right medication. I hope you continue to feel well rested more frequently.

Shortfatbalduglyman, or how about I just call you Bald so I don't have to call you fat or ugly? Anyway, I don't want to ignore you, but I never know what to say. What can I possibly say to someone who constantly says they've given up on trying new things? I can feel some of your hopelessness as I read your posts but I don't know how to respond to it otherwise.

I've noticed in my own life that when I feel desperate enough, I make more changes than when I just feel listless or mildly hopeless. There's something about that low, pissed-off, I CANT TAKE THIS feeling that eventually drives me forward past fear or fatigue.

my vanity plates have finally been made and shipped



and my car is still at the shop.



boooo.

How does one "self diagnose?" If a person is not a doctor they are not qualified to make a diagnosis related to physical or mental health.
That's what's on my mind right now.

klaarblijkelijk heeft mijn superioriteit enigszins wat controverse veroorzaakt.

Sorry, but I could care less about one's bitterness.

Unless you'd wish a tragedy upon someone, it just proves the point. I'd just protect others from the likes of you.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

If I give it my all, which and when should I?
How so and why? Other than the obvious...


If I give it my all for the wrong reasons, of course it'll be a huge waste.
But to give it my all with the wrong way, it'll be disastrous.
It's like working too hard, overdoing things, and never working smart enough -- all raw brute strength or power, and no strategy nor tactics.



As an autistic, more so and especially from the inside when people kept badgering to focus on the outside.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

over the weekend applied for a volunteer job as a suicide hotline operator. it was on the list of community college internships.

the list was a page long. and i only qualified for 2 or 3 of the internships. everything else i either already applied for previous semesters. or did not qualify. straight up.

and another internship, i e-mailed, requesting clarification of the job description.

neither one of them has bothered to answer.

seriously i feel like i am nobody.

here i sit on the computer, trying to type enough to phrase/explain/verbalize/articulate the useless garbage going through my ugly fat stupid head.

and i ain't got no power.

oh well.

got rejected from plenty of unpaid internships already.

among the ones i got into, suspect maybe i was the only applicant or something.




maybe i ought to start panhandling. wake up early and dig through garbage cans for recycling.

there are a lot of panhandlers around. oftentimes i watch strangers give them cash.

would not be surprised if some panhandlers earned a lot more than minimum wage.

kind of like the job, Sign Flipper. some companies hire employees to stand on the sidewalk and flip a sign that advertises for the company.



yeah i could just imagine it now:

Gender Identity Disorder, autism, clinical depression. six out of 10 personality disorders thus far diagnosed
chronically unemployed
no job skills
no precious lil "friends"
please donate $$ for psychotherapy.

Usually go to bed at 9 and wake up at 5. Sometimes totally exhausted

Chronically extremely constipated.

Sugar

Fiber

But what I do not get is that why does it appear that almost everyone eats too much sugar and otherwise has an unhealthful diet, but they seem energetic, not clinically depressed, and not constipated?

Not much....

_________________
LIONS-STAMPEDERS-ELKS-ROUGHRIDERS-BLUE BOMBERS-TIGER-CATS-ARGONAUTS-REDBLACKS-ALOUETTES

The Canadian Football League - What We're Made Of

Feel free to talk to me, if you wish.

Every day is a gift- cherish it!

"A true, true friend helps a friend in need."

Feeling ashamed and guilty that I have yet to positively contribute something to the milky way

Like I am just a public nuisance

A couple of hours ago, saw a driver abruptly brake for a skateboarder. The skateboarder had to jump off the board in order to avoid getting run over.

"Are you OK?" The driver asked

"Yeah. Trying to floor it?" The skateboarder answered.

The skateboarder acted perfectly calm. Not angry or emotional

Seriously if it were me I would have reacted much worse

And the skateboarder just picked up the skateboarder and resumed skateboarding as if nothing had happened

Wow

Amazing

Because I am so emotionally fragile

And I love holding grudges
_______________________

Arranged a job interview at a suicide hotline for next week. Curious what kind of questions he might ask

__________________