What's on your mind right now?

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Wouldn't it be dead good if you could talk out of your ears

I don't think that would work technically, but it's a funny thought, lol. ^

Your ears could talk to each other

Thinking of routines.
Now that my sleep and eating is somehow stable...

Factors; external conditions like the weather, scheduled duties, situations and events...

What whims should I break out from?
And write a list for me to get very picky on what I choose to consume or do with my time spare time outside work and self care...

Then stick to it. The intentional focus I used to have. I'll figure how to summon it again.

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I found a fledgling crow on the trailway this morning.

This was problematic for me because I have always wanted to have a crow friend, but I have a general principle of non-intervention in wildlife matters.

He seemed okay, didn't seem injured, that would have altered my calculation. He couldn't fly though. I think he'd just launched from his nest and flapped down onto the path. The older crows in the trees above were watching and shouting at me to get lost.

But there are people walking dogs up and down there endlessly. My dogs know they're not allowed to touch birds but the wrong dog would be the end of him.

I sort of ushered him off the path and into the hedge so at least he wasn't so vulnerable. Hopefully he'll figure out how to fly before something gets to him.

But it was almost a dream come true.

Femyoz.

Been to a clean up drive for the first time.

And then for the first time in a long time, my hands have callouses.

It's strange -- where did the callouses of my former jobs' years worth of chores went to? It's barely been 5 months since I swept that 'hard'.

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I'm realizing I've been deceived yet again by the 30-year friend.
Same bat time. Same bat channel.

There is not one thing I like about bananas and I don't care what anyone says

Chippy tea tonight

Yes, I feel rejected and somehow betrayed for leaving me out of something after I got invited.

Sigh.

How do I... Deprogram this 'expectation'?
To prevent future emotions. Unnecessary setbacks due to inappropriate reactions.


It implies few things; one, being hopeful to whatever hypothetical fantasy such event I was invited into.
Two, one of the novelties I rarely able to go to.

But also three; my subconscious takes it as a sign of distrust over 'how I would behave myself'. It's like a pouting child... On a verge of tantrum and wanting to complain about it.

And despite knowing that it's no longer professional -- that I'm just another adult, not some kid to drag along...

I want the rational reasoning route.
That I can just accept the lack of feedback or the "subtle rejection" as my less rational part of me concluded.
No need to go through stages and phases -- just go straight to the accept of the fact.


And since I like to make do with what I get...
And now that my relationship with emotions changed; I shall take this reaction as an opportunity for me to learn and grow for real.

Maybe it'll be the key for me to finally hijack the elusive subconscious.
Maybe I'll finally able to solve and eventually master re-parenting for good.

Yes -- a single opportunity for me to be stable and encountering this experience is all I need to figure and progress.
Except this time -- I no longer had to wait for the luck with myself to be in a stable and regulated state.

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