What's on your mind right now?
I have been feeling sad and lonely for the last few weeks and it's not fun.
Recently I saw Anna Akana's video about talking to people with depression and I found it pretty interesting; Although I am not depressed myself as far as I can tell but there were some interesting points in the video that I could relate to.
One important thing that most people would do when someone is depressed is trying to cheer them up or come up with solutions as an attempt to help them while the person just wants to have someone that listens to them and get to know how they feel.
I have noticed during the times that I told my classmates that I was feeling lonely that they were trying to come up with solutions to make me feel better but I did not feel like there was a moment for them to realise how sad I have been feeling and how it affects my sleep.
I did get a text message from a classmate telling me that he was happy that I finally told the entire class about my problem but it just felt different than I had hoped.
There was no realisation from the teachers that I finally explained why I came late to class so often and not from my classmates either.
When I talk with my counsellor about the problem it feels like I can clearly explain why I am feeling sad and she does not attempt to cheer me up, she actually listens to what I have to say and asks me how I feel.
During the moments I could explain the problem to my class it always feels as if I have to rush because we also have to pay attention ti the problems of the rest of the class which are just as important as mine of course but it feels as if they try to fix my problem as quickly as possible so they can also help the rest.
These talks and the intervention occurred back in June but I keep having recurring flashbacks about it and I even dreamed about arriving too late to college.
In the dream my class was annoyed at me and the teacher said "You're late, you're ALWAYS late!"
I then angrily shouted to my entire class about how I was unable to sleep because of haunting anxious overthinking that hits me during the late night as I am thinking of a reason why no one ever wants to talk to me or actually be my friend.
I woke up at that moment feeling really sad and I was worried I actually said it loud.
I'm tired of being sad, I don't want to spend my vacation like this.
StampySquiddyFan
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Joined: 19 Jul 2017
Age: 20
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Location: Stampy's Lovely World
Fear over the weird dreadful paranoid feelings I've been having and the weird symptom I had in regards to eating (Basically OCD)
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Hi! I'm Stampy (not the actual YouTuber, just a fan!) and I have been diagnosed professionally with ASD and OCD and likely have TS. If you have any questions or just want to talk, please feel free to PM me!
Current Interests: Stampy Cat, AGT, and Medicine
Time perception? Time seems to go so slowly when I'm doing the most boring things.
There are numerous tricks when one is in state of focus and able to shift with changes.
Worst walk I ever went on was a 10 mile circular somewhere in Scotland, beautiful scenery but a gravel path the whole way round. It was miserable. You need the ground beneath your feet.
What does it feel like to feel the energy?
I do know what it felt like. It was refreshing.
... I draw mine mainly from the air, sunlight warmth, and the space itself.
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Lillikoi
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Gender: Non-binary
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Location: The Mid-West-East-South.
no matter what i do or how much effort i waste, (it appears that) nothing that i have ever done has ever had a predictable, regular, positive effect on the situation. such that the effort justifies the outcome.
so why bother doing anything?
there are an unlimited number of was something could go wrong. many of those ways i have never imagined.
and if something goes right, then what?
whooptie do
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I'm so tired but I'm working the closing shift at my new job tonight.
And my work pants are so stiff and uncomfortable
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"Have you never seen something so mad, so extraordinary... That just for one second, you think that there might be more out there?" -Gwen Cooper, Torchwood
Sort of miffed an autism group I attend each month has been cancelled; August's socialising quotas may not be met! Additionally feeling consistently nauseous at random intervals throughout the day for over a week. Barring anything interfering with what I have to take, I really need to find a better multivitamin.
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On hiatus thanks to someone in real life breaching my privacy here, without my permission! May be back one day. +tips hat+
Lillikoi
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Joined: 22 Jul 2013
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 11,797
Location: The Mid-West-East-South.
I need to eat less sugar.
There's so many habits I have to work on.
One thing at a time...
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Yeah I need to eat less sugar too
Some articles claim adult females are only supposed to eat 25 or 45 gram sugar per day
How is that functional in the united States?
Unless you eat over nine servings fruit and veg per day. But then bowel movements take over one hour. Three times a day. Which I am currently doing
Other bad habits I got
Addicted to Wrong Planet
Too lazy and cowardly to take risks
Obsessed with the past
Too cynical to apply for jobs
Preoccupied with the prospect of getting raped
Do not know how to cook
Not handy
And I have a tendency to find the worst in everyone. But that includes myself. At least in that way I am not biased
And I do not recognize any meaning or purpose in "life" or anything else
And I am afraid of dogs. And that is so inconvenient because there are so many dogs
And I am chronically long term unemployed
DEATH. *pause* Not death, but DEATH.
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I have a feeling there's going to be a change inside me that I don't like. I guess it's the fluid adaptation.
And I have a feeling this has something to do with that... Unpredictable system. I sort of delayed it, in some way. Yet I couldn't just hold it up forever, it's inevitable.
I wonder if I could crack this one. I cracked my first when I didn't knew what it was called.
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I don't want to sleep because if I sleep, I'll have to wake up and it will be tomorrow.
I am trying to stop time because I don't want to go to work.
Not don't want to go like I just don't feel like it, but don't want to go like it is causing me severe emotional distress.
Every mental illness turned up to the maximum.
I can't be off sick because I'll lose my bonus.
This is making me extremely ill.
I am now at the point where I don't care who knows how I feel, or have any problem describing it verbally. That is a big (bad) deal. I don't even feel guilty, let alone ashamed, for telling them. I have been honest about my feelings to my family. Tomorrow I will be honest with work if I get the chance (and I better had).
All I want is for people to stop f*****g me around, and to work days instead of evenings. That's it. That's all that stands between me and some kind of collapse, which I'm heading for pretty spectacularly.
Will it fix my depression generally? No. My anxiety? No.
Will it take the suicidal bite out of the depression? Will it give me one day where I can breathe without the weight of dread in my chest? Yes and yes.
I need to sleep, there's no way out of work tomorrow and if I'm tired it won't go well. It won't go well anyway. I can't be there without my head deciding I should kill myself. I can't even think about it without physical pain.
I want someone to help me but no one can help me.
I don't know what I'm going to do.
^Thanks
I don't know what I'm going to do.
I do know what I'm going to do.
I am going to ask for a moment to speak with my manager, and say that I am extremely depressed and re-request to move to days.
I am going to outline that I have been so close to phoning in sick every. single. day. for the past what seems like forever.
He won't be able to do anything immediately I'm sure, but I know they don't want to lose me as a colleague and there's likely some mental illness obligation to do something.
He is relatively new, and I am counting on that for me to be brave. I know the other people too well to tell them, it would be embarrassing and I could never. His impression of me is still forming though, so nothing I mind ruining, and since he's a bit clueless I feel more confident being assertive with him.
I am going to go to the doctor.
Keep saying I'm going to do that and I don't. But I will.
I am going to go to the doctor and obtain a medical note that registers and therefore legitimises how I feel. If it all falls apart, as seems likely, I might need it.
2:30 now. In 12 hours I'll be at work.
You can never stop time. Slowing down never stops it. Mellowing it could also slow down time, making everything seems not to end even if it just become more bearable.
Yet you can make time faster to end things as quickly as possible. What matters is that there's an end to it. That's how time heals -- to end things.
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