I didn't do very well this quarter in college. I'm a little bit bummed. I always start out doing great with these things, but it doesn't take long for me to get cold feet and try to hide from it. The only problem is, I can't hide the next time around. I'll be paying for this coming quarter on my own, and paying my family back for the money they spent on me.
I need to learn better ways of dealing with stress, other than getting snippy with everyone around me, or hiding away in my room. It's time to grow up. It was time to grow up years ago. But really. Now it's time to grow up. And I'm scared. I'd rather have just one more year to pretend like I'm not behind in my responsibilities. But that one year always turns into two more. I'm all out of excuses for leading the life that I do and if I don't change, I'm going to lose my friends, my family and my hope for a better life.
It's such an odd state of mind. I'm unhappy and afraid, but exhilarated at the prospects of change. If I manage to turn my life around, it will be this stage of my existence that I'll look back at for strength in future areas of growth. There are two roads. One heads for a cliff, and the other leads me into a forest with wolves at my back.
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I'm a crab in a lobster world.