Inaugural Give Werbert Your Money Post-A-Thon!

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No comprende your Ingles, senor Gayo Pimpo Daddio.

Sorry, I read it as post-a-thorn.

Howdy-ho! Welcome back to the 1st Inaugural Give Werbert Your Money Post-A-Thon. I just got out of class, I've been fed, and I've got my water. I'm in it for the long haul, folks. What say we check our total? Werbert, how much have we raised so far?

Well, werbie, we've got some lint, a thorn, and 100 Vietnamese Dong. We are only $50,000 dollars short of our goal of $50,000!

This W-Item glitched Masamune should be worth about $50,000

Here's the deal, folks. When the pledge board hits $25,000, I will release the only photo of Werbert known to exist. That's right, you give me 25,000 smackers, and you get to see my face. I don't see how you can't take advantage of this deal.

*CanyonWind enters with a small crowd carrying acoustic instruments and a girl with no makeup hanging on his arm*

Canyonwind: Hello everybody, I'm here to help out this great cause. Werbert helped me, and he can help you too. You see, once I was just a lonely broke aspie, then I gave all my money to werbert and he bought a bag of pretzels. But then things started happening. The very next day, I was searching in the dumpster behind the National Security Agency - they throw away some great ethnic food - and I found the Yucca Mountain nuclear waste shipping schedule.

Well, I had no idea what to do with it, but then a friend I hadn't heard from in years called to tell me that he was walking thru a pub parking lot in Australia and he found Bazza's discarded jeans and in one of the pockets was Osama Bin Laden's cell phone number. Sure, it's a shame about Los Angeles, but look where I am today.

And that's not all. I once had a condition called asperger's, but now I'm cured. My life has been great since I gave all my money to werbert.

*The band starts playing "Do You Believe in Magic?"*

One of Canyonwind's many friends: Hey CanyonWind, we gotta run, we're late for the Chinese poetry book burning.

CanyonWind: You didn't even have to say it, I could tell from your body language.

And that was our old pal CanyonWind, who flew in all the way from somewhere out west. Probably somewhere Werbert will never visit. Or will he. Folks, if you give me just $100, I can end this charade of "homework" and "going to school" that's been dogging me since I first set foot in kindergarten. Please, give now.

I copied one dollar into five million. Will you take that?

Sure, if you can print them and if they pass inspection.

Please give werbert your money. Please?

I would like to take the opportunity to offer my congratulations to the St. Louis Cardinals, who just beat the New York Mets and reached the World Series after a long, 2-year absence. They will face the Detroit Tigers in a rematch of the 1968 World Series. It's quite amazing, really. The Cards lost 78 games. If they lost only 4 more, they would have had a losing season, and yet they are in the World Series. Congratulations to the Cardinals and their fans.