The Library of Great Comebacks

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We Aspies often fall prey to insults and name-calling. We must learn to defend ourselves... through stylish verbal retaliation! Try to post as many good comebacks as you can think of!

Ok, often I get asked if I'm gay.

I reply, no, sorry to disappoint you.

Great one Aj. Though I would say yes I am, do you want to have some fun.

A sleek, popular NT girl with her clique following her up the stairs meets a shy girl with an armload of books going down the stairs:

NT girl (confrontationally): You think you know everything, don't you?

Aspergirl (rushing away, afraid to look up): Almost.
(long pause)
Clique member: Oh, my Gawd! And I think she meant it, too...

That is a true story that happened to me when I was 14.

Good job.

Q: Why are you so freaking weird? A: Why are you so freaking annoying?
Q: Are you gay or bi? A#1: No, but at the right price we can pretend ! A#2: No, but I have a friend I can hook you up with, but he's not into a-holes, so sorry.
Q: Do you ever have "it"? A#1: Do you ever know when to stop asking questions? A#2: Do you ever Insert personal question here?
Q: Are you one of those "Columbine Kids?" A: Do I look like a flower person to you?

These questions were common during my high school years, not anymore.

Q: Are you ret*d?
A1: Do you really lack the eloquence to pick a better word?
A2: Do you even know what retardation is?

Q: Do you know what you're doing with that machine? (Usually in shop classes at school, by annoying rednecks who think they know more than everyone about shop type stuff)
A: No. *Proceed to do a perfect job on what I'm working on*

Q: Do I have to pay you? (After fixing a friends computer/blowtorch/car/gameboy)
A1: Yes. I accept sexual favors and US currency. Since you would only ask such a question if you are broke, it will be the former.
A2: No. But if I fix it I keep it.
A3: No. *Proceed to bother them about the money they owe me for the repairs for the next several weeks*

When somebody interrupts you; say "Excuse me for talking while you were interrupting".

When somebody tries to intimidate you say "Oh, you're trying to intimidate me! How cute! But no, really, that doesn't work, back to the topic at hand"

_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

If someone at school won't leave you alone, you could always say "It's okay, when your working at McDonalds, I'll place an order for six items and watch your brain implode."

Insult: You're fat!

Comeback: So what? I like to give people hugs and I believe in not impaling them with my skeleton.

In a situation with someone who just kept saying random names and insults at us
Comeback- Just keep going you might say something intellegent

Later they had ran out of insults and suddenly stopped
Comeback Person1. Whats the matter stuck? Person2.I heard of Dir***** of the mouth but never constipation of the brain

When they went over to me:
Mean Person- Dont you have the courage to say something back?
Me- I would love to call you an idiot but it would be an insult to someone who is brain dead.

The fat ones you posted are insensitive at best. Disgusting and extremely rude at worst.

Person 1: Why are you so weird?

Response1: Why so serious?

Response2: Why are you so normal?

Response3 : High-pitched gibberish for thirty seconds * personal favorite of mine *