Has anyone ever given up on you?

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Teachers? Spouses? Therapists? Has anyone ever decided you were beyond help?


I've had some people say that about me; they just want to make me stop complaining and they think thye can by tleling me to shut up; they don't realize the only way to make me stop complaining is to empathize with me and if they can't do that, why don't they at least leave me alone and ignore me? There's even a way to block a person's messages from your sight on this board, for their information in case they're reading this thread!


My mother also, instead of helping me once, said "That's disturbing" and "How are you going to join the armed forces like that?" and I had to tell her the armed forces would cure me of it, because I was too depressee to want to hear more negativity. I wanted her to help me, make me less depressed, even if that's just telling me where I can go for help. Not to tell me to shut up because I was depressing her.

My friends in high School sorta gave up on me. They had every right to at the time.

every girlfriend, circles of friends, people in general. hm i dont know how to answer that really

Um... Pretty much everyone I've ever known has given up on me, some of them more than once. By my calculations, I have exactly one friend who hasn't managed to give up on me, although I've given him plenty of opportunity to do so.

In general, I believe that to give up on people like me (us?), is simply human nature; I'm no longer surprised or even really put off by it; people fear what they do not understand, are put off by it, by things that deviate from deeply ingrained notions of what is 'normal'. Giving up is an easy out; dealing with and particularly striving to understand is just too much work for must humans.

It's their loss.

Good fortune,

- Icarus stands alone...

I meant more like, people who get depressed and decide there's no hope for you, not necessarily just for you with them, but for you alone, that you are beyond help, not just beyond a relationship with them or whatever.

Not many teachers-- i was pretty good in school.

But definitely therapists. They always give up and accuse me of not trying or some crap. They like to tell me I'm not ready to change and move forward with my life, so they can't help me. However, since finding the word "Aspie," i see that perhaps my inabilty to talk at times was misunderstood as me throwing a tantrum or something, but STILL, when i tell a therapist that something is hard for me and that sometimes my brain gets scrambled and i can't talk, you would think they would be more mature about it and not keep kicking me out of therapy. i mean, they're being PAID not to give up.

99% of personal relationships? oh yeah. they give up.

i don't think that's quite it. yes, people fear what they do not understand or dislike those not similar to themselves... but "giving up" implies they got at least that far because they gave you a chance to begin with in order to be able to then give up on you. people who fear or ignore me completely can't ever give up on me... now, as for being too much work for most humans? i think many people like a challenge. i don't think it is so much the hard work that makes people abandon me (us?) but that the work they put in is not reciprocated. i don't think that is an AS/NT thing. i think anyone who makes an efffort, eventually needs to get some effort back. i know i am bad about that a lot of the time. i have "friends" that make a lot of effort to connect with me-- they call, email, and seem to really care-- and i ignore them for months at a time. this girl, alicia, who has really gone out of her way for me-- she just had a baby, and i keep feeling like i should DO something. but i haven't even called her.


is it? in some cases, yes. but if a person leaves because they are being ignored, then how are they losing anything? i could be an amazing person, but if i never learn or make an effort to communicate with others, and instead just sit in my cave and ignore everyone, then is it really their loss or mine?

yes.

Yes, and I on them.

Never on myself.

I happen to like the people on WP, a much better selection.

What was lacking was depth, any reason to show interest.

Here I find range and truth.

Giving someone no chance at all because they are immediately incomprehensible or otherwise distasteful is the same as giving up; giving up on someone doesn't necessarily take any great investment or effort; often it takes none.


Or perhaps they give up on you immediately, with no effort at all; I'd say someone who immediately ignores you completely gives up instantly, without a struggle; and, in your case, I know for a fact that it is their loss.


Some people like a challenge; many people prefer to be spoon-fed over a challenge; I know you know this without me having to say so.


It depends on the situation, on what someone expects to be reciprocated. The people who I tend to stay friends with the longest are those who expect no constant reciprocation, and understand that I value them as friends without this conventional mechanism; they know because I tell them so, though some choose not to listen. And when they do seek me out, they are rewarded; reciprocation is not necessarily constant returned attention; the best form of reciprocation is being there for someone when they really need you.


I agree with you; and I did not imply that it was.


I know. As am I, as you know. But for my own part, I tend not to dock people for things I do myself. I have had friends who I've had no contact with for years, but when I happen to have contact with them again, we just pick right up right where we left off without much thought. These are the type of friends who endure with me; I treasure them, but my own difficulties cause me to be unable to reach out, and this is very consistent with me. People who stay my friends for years, decades, are those who accept that about me; I am clearly not normal.


Being ignored is not necessarily a permanent state; if I ignore someone for a week, a month, whatever, and they decide to ditch me entirely, it is their loss because I know I have much to offer to the patient. I speak for myself here, and for nobody else. But the entire point is "giving up" when the cause to do so is superficial; how long do you suppose someone needs to be "ignored" before they should leave, might do so with no loss? What if the perception of being "ignored" is a mistake? (<- This happens to me all the freaking time.) What if someone has something of great value to offer, but only on certain occasions? That is how such a thing might be the giver-upper's loss.

If you are truly an amazing person (and you know I happen to believe that you are), and the other party gives up on you before benefiting from that amazingness, yes, it is their loss. Experiencing the amazing is not necessarily a quick and easy process; in fact, it usually is not. It is a good thing many people like a challenge, eh?

Good fortune,

- Icarus's friends put up with the challenge of knowing him...

I can't say that this has happened to me as no one has ever tried to help me so intensly anyway.

Plenty of people have given up on me. I don't communicate well some days...and I'm misunderstood many times it seems when I do.

But it doesn't bother me much...I haven't given up on myself, and that's the important thing.

I can be really hard to get to know (especially true in person)...when you rely on verbal communication to get to know someone...it takes quite awhile before I let the shields down.

shrug. sure, if that's how you want to define the construct. but i still see a difference between giving up on someone vs. never giving someone a chance.

and someone not giving me or anyone a chance is a very different thing from people actually investing time in me, saying they want to be there for the long haul, like Ana mentioned, and when these people are family or spouses or therapists or someone who had made a commitment to helping me, and then all of a sudden gives up and tells me i am a hopless case... well, that is deff a very different thing than the rejection of random masses i could not care less about.

Yeah

ROFLMAO

I have a hard time conceiving of anyone who HASN'T given up on me... mwahahahahaha

One teacher said I'd never amount to much. I'm not sure she was wrong, but I keep trying to prove she was.

everyone i know probably
haha
well, i don't know what the opposite of "giving up on me" (taking down on me?) but i'm not sure if that's ever been done either
i think now that i think of it, a lot of people have given me the "i'm giving up on you" set of words
but i don't remember them ever taking down on me to begin with
i never noticed them being of any use before they gave up on me
umm
yeah, anyone that encounters me likely
whatever
i'm totally awesome still