New female possible Aspie. UK.

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Hey, I was told that this is the place for me to share my mannerisms - I don't know if I have Asperger's or not, however I was wondering if I could post them. That way, someone could let me know if they share any similarities with me. If they do, it might help to see if I do have Asperger's or not.

Obviously I know that only a Professional can tell me for sure, however it would be nice to see if I have any similarities.

I've had several health professionals tell me that they think I have Asperger's, however I haven't been to get a diagnosis yet. I am thinking of it, but I can see the pro's and con's:

PRO'S: It will help me understand why I've felt so different all of my life and hopefully I could get some help.
CON'S: They might say that I don't have AS which means that I'm just weird and have no reason for it.

Oh, and my age might be useful... I'm 19, but 20 in 28 days.

The following is a list of how I feel combined with a list of female symptoms that I know I possess:
+ I don't like being in groups of people.

+ I'd rather be alone (except from my boyfriend M).

+ I don't like human contact (except M and my Gran) - I feel very uncomfortable when someone tries to hug me; my instinct is to throw my arms up.

+ Not keen on eye contact (except M). This is solved by looking at people's noses so that they don't realise.

+ Lack empathy - not really bothered if someone isn't well; they might as well have told me a fact that I'm not interested in, as I don't feel anything towards them. This is an issue as I've been volunteering in a school and a girl started crying - I asked her what's wrong, but she just burst into tears so I had to call the teacher and say "There's a crying girl here. I can't deal with crying." But I do really care about M - he means everything to me, and I always care when he's upset. It frustrates me, especially when it's been me that has upset him as I've been blunt etc. Thankfully, he knows everything about me and accepts me for the way that I am.

+ I count things when I'm bored, anxious etc (any negative feeling).

+ I can't always distinguish what emotion I am feeling, but I can tell if it's positive or negative.

+ I don’t have one specific interest/obsession – Well except German; I feel German, I don’t feel “proud” to be English, in fact I always want England/UK to lose and feel incredibly uncomfortable when it’s the Queen’s Jubilee/National Anthem – I know Das Deutschlandlied and always sing along (I’ve never sung the English National Anthem – I refused – despite being in the choir and it being very visible that I wasn’t singing). I really liked German at GCSE and gained an A (only a handful got A’s, not-one got A*’s), but I didn’t take it for A-level as I thought that my last exam went badly so I was expecting a B – Big mistake! Consequently, I’m not fluent in German and I can’t do my perfect degree, so I have had to postpone learning German to be fluent, in order to carry on with other academic studies.
 So, what I meant to say was that other than German, I don’t have a “narrow field of interest” – I go through phases where I ‘obsess’ over something, but it changes. E.g. Medicine, the Army, when I was depressed I read up a lot about Mental Illnesses, when someone’s ill I research in depth about their illness, Maths, Biology, Chemistry, Psychology, F1, serial killers, Adolf Hitler, music.

+ If I don’t see the point in doing something/it doesn’t interest me, I won’t do it.

+ Statistically, high intelligence – 4A*’s, 6A’s, B at GCSE, but I know people who obtained better grades; 10A*’s, A, so it’s relative. However, I did obtain the best in my year.
 Underachieved at A-level due to extenuating circumstances (severe depression); ABC, which is really bad.

+ My skin is really sensitive – refused to wear clothing if it feels disgusting and uncomfortable. E.g. Pillow cases, duvets etc. I have to have a soft blanket over my pillow/my sheet that I sleep on as it’s too bobbly and I can feel it.

+ People have commented on “slightly sensitive hearing.” I often hear things that others don’t.

+ Have been told that I focus too much on little details rather than the whole picture.

+ Naturally, I want to be honest. I don’t like lying and I always want people to be honest to me, so I can’t understand why others don’t want the same. E.g. What good is it not telling someone that what they want to buy doesn’t suit them/looks horrible if they ask you “How does this look on me?” They’ll waste their money – and they asked you to be honest!! People have accused me of being rude/blunt, but I really don’t understand what I’ve done wrong and why.

+ I have black and white (monochrome) thinking a lot of time. People comment on it frequently. E.g. “L, things aren’t that simple. You’ve got to take people’s emotions into account.” To which I reply “Things are that easy, it’s just people try and complicate things by bringing emotions into it!” Arghhhh, people are so confusing!

+Take things too literally sometimes.

+ I find it hard to tell how someone’s feeling by their expressions sometimes.

+ I don’t always realise when I’ve offended someone – usually by being blunt.

+ I find it easy to memorise phone numbers and birthdays, but not car registration plates. (Well, if I choose to remember a car registration plate I’d be able to remember it easily, e.g. my Dad’s old one, however I’m often not interested.

+ I have Visual Memory – I often refer to it being photographic, as I can often memorise exactly how something looks, e.g. a textbook (when I’m asked a question during revision, I can see the answer from where I read it).

+ People have said that I have an ‘Eccentric personality.’

+ I don’t spend a lot of time ‘grooming’ – I shower when my skin/hair feels disgusting. I can go for 4/5 days without having a shower; only then do I have one because my hair feels horrible and it really frustrates me, and my skin feels horrible.

+ I’ve been referred to as quite ‘androgynous’ before as although I’m a female and have female features, I do a lot of ‘boyish’ things. I was an extreme tom boy when a child – I climbed trees, walls, skateboarded, had really short hair so that people often thought that I was a boy as I hadn’t developed yet, I liked heights and would do most things that other boys were scared of, I used to eat ants, I played with insects, I didn’t have any phobias.

+ I like reading things that are real or realistic. I find fiction hard to read in general, but I have read a fictional series called “Darren Shan”, which was about Vampires – they tried to make it scientific and as life-like as possible.

+ Uses control as a stress management technique.

+ Have routines – not as strict/regimented as I was when I was younger; I would only get up when the time on the clock ended in 0 or 5, e.g. 08:00, 08:05. If I woke up at 8:03, I would have to wait for 2 minutes to get up – I would refuse to get up before then.
 Now, shower routine when washing, brushing teeth before doing anything in the morning (talking, eating, drinking etc), getting dressed in a certain order (e.g. socks, knickers, trousers, bra, top).

+ Once I start something, I have to finish it – if I had stopped mid-writing this, I’d feel irritated/annoyed/weird and I’d keep thinking about it until I finished it.
 I do tend to write a lot though and always exceed word limits as I find that there seems to always be something more to write. I find summarising hard and sometimes I forget the point that I was making in the first place. Sometimes, I have a lot of ideas in my head but I find it hard to verbalise it and write it down.

+ Keep a lot of things deemed ‘unnecessary’ – people say that I hoard, but relatively I don’t (when you see medically ill hoarders). E.g. I have all of my school work starting from Nursery. When I applied to University, I ordered every single prospectus that was possible in the UK and kept them in the loft, because someday I could go back and look at them. There’s always a reason to keep something! It can be useful in the future.

+ Very organised/colour code most things. E.g. Biology A-level folder was Green, Chemistry A-level folder was Blue, and Mathematics A-level folder was Black. For each subject, I had 2 teachers. To distinguish between them, I wrote in blue for one and black for the other. I could just associate a teacher with a colour for some reason – E.g. Dr W (Chemistry) just seemed blue, whereas Ms N seemed Black. I can’t explain why. If I accidently used the wrong colour, it would feel horrible and I’d have to re-write it.

+ May have 1 or more partial degrees – just change and have a sudden interest. I have just finished my first year of Mathematics. I originally applied to do Biomedical Sciences, but during year 13 I really lost interest in Biology and Chemistry, yet I enjoyed Maths (I was always doing extra work for Maths and became obsessed), so I rejected all of my university offers and went through Clearing to study Maths. Half-way through the year, I lost my interest in Maths and started researching Nursing because I couldn’t do Medicine and it was the nearest, but I can’t drive and had to stay at the same university, so I have now changed back to Biomedical Sciences – it’s not my perfect degree, all I want to study is German right now, but I can’t because I didn’t at A-level.

+ Highly intelligent but slow to comprehend. It can take me a very long time to learn something/understand it.

+ I will also memorise things, which means that I find application of knowledge very hard, also causing underachievement despite appearing very intelligent.

+ Will not do well with verbal instruction – need to write things down/draw. E.g. If I listen to a sermon at church, I can’t tell you afterwards what has been said at all - maybe a few key words (usually long ones). Also, if someone gives me several instructions, I might remember the first 1, but not remember anymore, despite me really trying to listen.

+ Will have obsessions – not as random as men.

+ When a child, preferred company of animals instead of humans. (I don’t like animals anymore).

+ Weird smells sometimes make me feel sick. I think it’s strong yet others may not be able to smell it.
 Weird association with smells. E.g. Coffee smelling like smoked cheese.
 Same with taste. E.g. Gue puddings taste like burnt cheese.

+ Moody and bouts of depression (I was previously diagnosed in 2009).

+ Sensitive to drugs. E.g. I tried several versions of The Pill, however none of them suited me and I really didn’t react very well.

+ Physical when happy – I clap my hands when I’m very happy.

+ Prone to temper/crying meltdowns over seemingly small things.
 ‘Small’ things can make me really upset.

+ Hates injustice/misunderstood. Results in rage.

+ Prone to mutism when stressed/upset.

+ Words and actions are often misunderstood by others.

+ Perceived to be cold natured/self-centered/unfriendly.

+ Very outspoken at times. May get fired up when talking about passions.

+ Can be very shy.

+ “Shut down” in social situations when over-loaded. This happens but isn’t too obvious. Social situations are better in small groups, but I don’t enjoy them. I only enjoy spending time with M. May appear skilled at social situations, but it’s all an act from mimicking others.

+ Doesn’t go out much – partner only.

+ Will not have any girl mates. I have plenty of associates, but I wouldn’t call them friends. My only friend is M. If I didn’t see the others again I wouldn’t mind. I find it hard to become attached to people, but once I have it’s very strong (M).

+ Can’t stand ticking clocks/repetitive noises like ringing phones. I have been waiting to be served in a restaurant before and picked up the phone and put it down again as it was really annoying me.

+ Will have a close friend in childhood but not adulthood. True, but gained M in adulthood. None of my associates that liked me at school do I talk to now.

+ Very serious relationship or celibate. Before M I had no interest in anyone and couldn’t understand why anyone would want a partner, especially being around them all the time and the physical contact. I always needed too much alone time. Now, I really liked physical contact with M only.

+ I think too objectively, and others say that I need to be more subjective.

+ Touch sensitive – I can’t touch chalk, some paper when it’s just been printed, hand cream, or frosted glass as it’s too soft.

+ My mum is on the Autistic Spectrum (unofficially) – when she was a baby, she was told that she had special needs and that they thought that she was on the Autistic Spectrum, but my Gran didn’t want to hear any of it, so nothing was documented. She was advised to go to a ‘Special School’ but my Gran wouldn’t let her. Now as an adult, she struggles and lots of people don’t like her because she’s so blunt, but there’s no help available as she has nothing written down about her Special Needs. I know that genetics can contribute.

+ My mind is over-active – I’m always thinking.

+ I find imagining/picturing things hard. If someone asks me to picture something in my head, it’s not ‘made up’, it’s my brain recollecting a memory from when I previously saw that image. If I’ve never seen it, I can’t picture it. I can only picture still images – when someone asks me to “imagine that I’m on a beach and the waves are crashing against the golden sand”, I can picture a beach that I’ve been to, but it’s still so nothing’s moving.

+ I wasn’t always a high achiever.

+ I have good long-term memory, but my short-term memory isn’t very good.

+ I see patterns in things. Often, others don’t notice.

+ I correct people’s mistakes when they talk/write etc.

+ People who are on the Autistic Spectrum tend to talk to me/communicate with me.
 Volunteering at a Primary School, a boy in Year 5 has a lot of similarities to me, and although most people dislike him and find him too rude etc, he’s one of my preferred children. He’s thought to have Asperger’s Syndrome.

+ I get very annoyed/irritated/possibly angry if my (limited) routines are disrupted.

+ Find it hard to ‘read between the lines’.

+ Don’t understand/see the value of idioms.

+ I’ve always felt different but I’ve never known why. I have wondered for many years if I have AS, as something triggers the thought of AS in my head, but I end up dismissing it as “I would’ve been diagnosed by now”, “I don’t think that I fulfil enough of the criteria” and “I try and pretend/act when in social situations so not everyone see’s the real me (only M does, as it gets tiring to keep it up all of the time – I need to be me sometimes. Also, if I’m annoyed/tired already then I don’t bother trying to pretend to be “normal.”) When I read the symptoms, it makes me feel a bit better as there possibly might be an actual reason for me being different, but then a negative emotion appears (anxious, nervous) as I may not have a reason – it might be too mild for example. I don’t think that everyone that knows me will think that I have AS, however the people that see me most might, as they see more of my symptoms.
 Also, I know that females often remain undiagnosed, and officials may not diagnose them when really they should be, because they’re too used to dealing with males who have more pronounced symptoms.

+ Food – I don’t like food touching each other and I have to eat things separately.

+ I have a set place for some things and if they get moved/touch, I really don’t like it. I can often picture where I saw/left something in order to find it again.

+ Strange sense of humour.

+ Don’t always understand jokes.

+ I can be clumsy sometimes, and my spatial awareness/depth perception isn’t very good.

+ Sometimes people have said that they’re not sure how I’m feeling from my face/I look ‘down’ or negative when I don’t realise that I’m looking that way.

+ Lateral thinking is hard. I don’t really understand the phrase “Thinking outside the box.”

+ I’ve been caught saying “Humans are strange/confusing/frustrating,” showing that I really don’t feel like them.

+ When I was a child, I liked the sensation of pressure on top of my feet. I used to ask heavy people to stand on my feet, and I used to swing back on my chair and put the chair legs on top of my feet so that all of my bodyweight was on them.

+ Part of my acting/pretending, is that I've learnt to smile whenever someone looks at me. I've seen other people do it, so I figured that it's something that you do. I don't really understand why, but I do anyway. (Can anyone think of a reason/have you learnt why people do this?) This might be another reason why people suspect that I'm "normal."

+ Also, I've always had an interest in children with Special Needs - I volunteered last year at a school for children with medical and physical needs, which often contributed to delayed learning development. I also used to babysit an Autistic boy when I was very young - I was at Church and he wouldn't listen to anyone (not even his parents), yet for some reason he listened to me, and I managed to get him to do what they wanted - sit still, sit in the right place etc. After that, I started babysitting him, but he'd cry every time that I left unless I put him to sleep before I left. He didn't show this much interest in anyone! (When I met him, he was 2/3, so I was 10/11).

I apologise for the long post!

Last edited by LD92 on 05 Jul 2012, 3:22 pm, edited 3 times in total.

Hi LD,

You've written out a pretty much textbook description of Aspergers, however the usual response you'll get on this forum, is that you can only truely know for sure if you get a professional diagnosis. One crucial point to receive a medical diagnosis, is that these symptons interfere with your life. If you can manage (right now) without help, then you wouldn't qualify for a diagnosis.

As you are in the UK, you might find the latest guidance on Asperger's very useful. See: http://guidance.nice.org.uk/CG142 The Case studies are quite illuminating, particularly for getting a feel of under what circumstances a diagnosis may be justified. These materials are really new (a week or so old), so your GP might not be aware of them.

One suggestion for your language study, it's a bold suggestion, but why don't you consider studing English in a German university? You'll truely learn the German language to a level that would be impossible in the UK. You won't struggle with the course material. My sister-in-law had a horrible experience reading French in the UK, partly due to this phenomenon, most of the course were fluent native french speakers.

I'm sure some others will have some more advice for you, but welcome to the forum.

Jason

It does interfere with my life. I keep coming back to the thought of having Asperger's, generally after something has happened. Recently, more people have been telling me that I can't say what I'm saying, and that I'm being rude or selfish, but I really don't understand. The idea of not feeling like part of the human race, despite appearing "normal" is really frustrating me and making me feel down. I love that fact that my boyfriend Mark accepts me for who I am, but it doesn't help to explain why I feel like an outsider. I am considering getting a diagnosis because of this.

Thank you for replying!

Wow, that's a big post a lot of things you say are very common here, as Jtuk said, textbook definition. My advice is that is a diagnosis will help, then there is no reason for you not to go about pursuing one really. After all, once you are diagnosed you don't have to tell the whole world automatically, just inform those who can make adjustments to you. if they say hey, you don't have AS, weirdo, then hey, you don't have AS. You can still post here, you clearly have some of the issues associated with AS and you can take advice on how to help with those issues.

Also, I like Darren Shan books too

Hope you find your answers.

Firstly, I'd like to apologise for intruding into the Women's area, I followed this post from the front page

With regards to diagnosis, University is one place where there is support. So it might be a wise decision.

Jason.

Don't worry about intruding into the Women's Area! I really don't mind at all. I'd appreciate any comments; males can comment too as they will have gone through the diagnosis process etc which will help, however women are most likely more useful as their similarities to me may help me decide to get a diagnosis or not...

Thank you for replying!

Last edited by LD92 on 05 Jul 2012, 3:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I just read the sticky post, saying men are welcome here. Oh I feel silly. Never mind, back to you!

Jason

There is a lot in your post that screams 'Aspergers!'. I certainly think it would be worth having a professional evaluation, which is the only way to know for sure. I'm not a gambler (or a doctor) but I'd put money on you having Aspergers. That is of course just my personal opinion.

Pretty much everything you have written could apply to me, although I don't have a formal diagnosis either.

Interesting. That's the thing - on paper it appears as though I have a lot of Asperger characteristics; my post was very long, however I don't think that my behaviour is "severe" enough, for some reason :S.

I've asked my boyfriend and he thinks that actually, people won't be as surprised as I think they'll be. Maybe my acting isn't as convincing as I thought?

If you don't mind me asking, why don't you have a diagnosis? If you have all of my characteristics, and you think that it sounds like I have AS, that would imply that you have a strong likely hood of having AS too?

Yep a textbook description of AS.


... as the wall of highly informative, well organized text with no spelling or grammatical errors proves too


Happy B-day (soon) and welcome to WP!

Yes, no one I have told about my suspicions have been even remotely surprised. I don't have a diagnosis because there wasn't really much knowledge about Aspergers when I was at school, although my Mum had thought I might have autism when I was a child. Another reason I'm reasonably sure is that my Dad has Aspergers traits too, more severe than mine in fact. There is some genetic component to Aspergers and it is not uncommon for it to run in families like that.

I'm going to have a private assessment next year (when I have saved up for it) and see what they say. I'm not sure if I want to pursue a formal diagnosis with the NHS because I'm worried that having Aspergers and a history of mental health problems on my medical notes may mean that when I have children Social Services will want to monitor me and that is not something I want at all. I'm also not sure if I need a diagnosis apart from for my own peace of mind - if I was going to University or thought I would have to live independently then it would be worth having so I could access the right support. But I live with my partner and we are getting married and although I need to work for the next few years (which I've always managed) after that I will just be at home with my children and that is not something I will need extra help with. I probably do need quite a bit of support in some ways but I've always got that from my family and partner.

In your case, I would recommend a diagnosis, especially as you want to go to University. Having a diagnosis will make sure that you get any support that you might need.

It appears as though many people are agreeing that it seems as though I have AS... Interesting! Maybe I will have to seek a diagnosis. I've wanted to for a while, but as my long post above states, I always think that there's a possibility that I don't and that I'm just weird for no reason :S.

Aha, I do try. I get very annoyed when I make spelling/grammatical mistakes!

Thank you . Only 26 days to go now!

Ahh right. See, that's the confusing thing. Professionals have only said that they suspected AS when I was in High School/Sixth Form (Year 9/Year 12 and 13), and not when I was a child. As a child I didn't like pretending games etc, but I did have 1 friend that I was always with. (That was another reason why I thought that I might not have AS because of that, but I then learnt that because I was so 'obsessed' with her, and I didn't have any other friends, it doesn't really count). She left when I was in Year 2, and I was completely alone then. I vividly remember walking around the edge of the playground singing quietly and talking to myself - I guess that didn't help me make friends easily... What was the point that I was making? Sorry, I often get distracted when writing. Oh yeah, they didn't suspect AS when I was a child.

Also, as you know my mum's on the Autistic Spectrum, however it's not on paper so I don't know whether it counts.

Ahh okay. That's fair enough, I was just curious. How interesting, I also suffered from mental health issues; severe depression which resulted in me being hospitalised. It also meant that I became a year behind at Sixth Form, but it meant that I met M, so I don't mind .

I'm already at University - I've just completed my first year of BSc Mathematics, however I changed my mind and am now going to be studying BSc Biomedical Sciences this September. (I think I wrote that in my long post above?) But yes, I think that having a diagnosis will benefit me. I'm still worried about getting it though. For some reason I don't think that they'll diagnose me :S.

Hmm, I hope my previvous Mental Health issues and possible AS won't mean that Social Services will need to get involved when I eventually (hopefully) have children... Why would they? It's good to hear that you're getting married - it's nice to know that people with AS can have successful relationships which result in them being happy!

You sound exactly like me..i haven't got a professional diagnosis and have always suspected that i have AS..but then i feel like the symptoms may not be that severe?! !

I've learnt that smile occassionally thing and it really helps...people tend to think i'm kidding when i understand what they've said very literally..they just think i'm being funny..i smile most of the times..but anyways it keeps me happy

It's so nice to know that there's someone else out there that understands! I've heard people say that after they get a diagnosis, a metaphorical 'weight' is lifted from their shoulders - I don't completely understand the phrase, but I think it means that they feel 'weighed down' by all the pressure, but it's gone and they feel better afterwards. Basically, the point of that was that just by being on this site and hearing about other people who feel the same/share similarities, makes me feel a lot better about myself. I think I can understand why they feel so better after getting a diagnosis! (I don't know if that made any sense...)

Do you think you'll ever get a diagnosis?

I think that because AS is a developmental disorder it is usually spotted at developmental stages when milestones aren't reached. If it isn't then I think it can go unnoticed until the stage where socialising becomes important as an older child and teen. I think this is particularly the case for women with Aspergers, who tend to have a higher diagnostic age than men.



It may not count from a professional point of view, but it lends weight to your own feeling that you might have Aspergers.



I think depression is a very common issue for people on the spectrum, for many people the two conditions go hand in hand. I'm glad you met the right person in difficult circumstances. You've obviously worked very hard academically even when you were unwell.



Sorry I got confused about that bit. You are obviously managing great just now, but I think it's always good to have the opportunity for extra support if you should require it. There is a possibility that they won't diagnose you, but I think that it is worth a try. The fact that previous professionals have suggested AS leads me to think that the next professional you deal with will feel the same. You could go and see your GP, or approach the pastoral care team at your University.



I'm sure it won't. I'm not even sure it will mean that for me either, often I become anxious about things with no evidence that what I'm worrying about will actually occur. I think if you have been depressed in your teens and well as an adult then you have nothing to worry about. I'm sure by the time you have your children you will be a highly educated professional and that will certainly help your case. I think that in real life I come across as a little simple minded and that Social Services might think I am incapable and I've also had mental health problems right into my mid twenties including repeated suicide attempts although I am absolutely fine now.

Yes I am very lucky to have a long term relationship. I think people with AS can have successful relationships but they take a lot of work, especially when it comes to communication. It can certainly be done though