Calling All Women...

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I would like a new penpal. Someone to exchange gifts with also. Maybe, if I got to know you *very* well, we could even visit each other occasionally. I want a female friend, because I've never really had many in my life. I find every now and then as well, women can make really cool friends.

My criteria is as follows:

1) I have to somewhat know you first. Brand new members would make me a bit warey.

2) You have to accept I'm not always the most agreeable type of personality. It doesn't mean I'm purposely argumentative, it just means I tend to say what I think.

3) I may say no to you. Don't take this personally, it just means I think we may clash in future or that you'll find me too (insert whatever word here). Also, if you're the type to take it personally, then we wouldn't get along anyway.

4) We could start by sending cards or letters, maybe a little gift worth up to £5/$10/equivalent to each other. Just to lay down the rules here, I would prefer to send each other equal value gifts. I know that sounds a militant way of monitoring things, but I say it just so we *both* avoid disappointment. I had a close friend for years who decided not to send me anything back one Xmas, and I was quite upset, especially as I had chosen hers really carefully.

5) PLEASE NOTE with the above, we were friends for over 10 years. Hence my upset. I would not expect to exchange gifts like that with someone I barely knew, and I would not immediately become close with someone I barely knew. It was not like I sent her a present and just expected one back. She had agreed to send me one.

6) Right, onwards: You can be any age as long as you're an adult. Preferably over 21.

7) You can be from anywhere, almost. Especially if you're in Japan - you lot have some wacky cool stuff over there! Or in the US, Europe...some of you Europeans have a thing for salty liquorice. I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND WHY.

My diet is currently restricted, so there are very limited things you can send at the moment in the form of food.

9) No preservatives, ever. I react to a lot of them. Check ingredients with me to be safe if unsure!

10) We can send each other cheap DVDs, sweets, crisps..I can send you English stuff, you can send me stuff typical of your country. Maybe even send each other cheap (but nice) clothing and accessories.

11) If you're a bit arty crafty, send me some things!

Heh, perhaps while I'm thinking of ending my life this isn't such a good idea.

I hate that you feel that way in the second post...

I understand the want for a friend. You seem pretty straight forward. I remember seeing a friendship like this unfold on Facebook between this girl I wish I were friends with and another girl who I hardly liked. Of course she was British and was sending this girl, who I hardly liked, all of these cool British treats.

Your list mostly reminds me of myself. I clash with damn near everyone or people will just find something about me that they don't like and treat me like crap. I don't know how to make friends, really, and I refuse to take my mom's advice for letting people be people...

I'm new but I'm from Texas. We can chat on here through private message here and there if you'd like. I don't have many friends and not sure how to make them at this point. I'm 28, not 27 like my information to the left says. I don't know why it says that since I made sure all of my information is correct.

Are you serious ?

I'm just going to say what I think here. "Friendships" cannot be ordered "on demand". What sometimes happens when you post on forums / anonymous message boards (such as this one) is that you might find someone whose life / situation / personality / issues are very very similar to yours and you develop a rapport on the public forums first. THEN, you may communicate via pm, and then MAYBE if the other person feels comfortable, take it to private email, and go from there.

You can't "post an ad" for a friend - just like you are wary of making "friends" with strangers, others would be equally wary, too, of making friends with you. Especially if you say things like "I'd like us to start exchanging gifts" .. NOPE, sorry. You only get to the gift-exchange phase with anyone you met on an anonymous forum, after a warm rapport and a solid friendship have existed for months (or even YEARS). You also cannot make the rules of the "friendship" to suit your needs / beliefs / wants, and then wonder why no one else is responding.

I get that you are lonely and need some emotional support / communication partner. I suggest that you post here more often, and see which folks you seem to see eye-to-eye with. Then private message her, and start a conversation. See where it goes. If she's not interested, that's fine, find someone else and so on. It may take you months to find that one woman who wants and is able to be your friend, but that's OK. Instant "friendships" are recipes for disaster, just like "instant relationships".

There is one woman here that I really really really like. Unfortunately, that "friendship" will only stay confined to this message board. That's fine, as I am grateful for the support and empathy I receive from her via here. No real reason to take it to email or even further to real life. It is what it is. I also private message quite a few folks, asking for help and advise, but would not dream of "pal"-ing up with them in real-life (ditto for them). Some things - like advise and suggestions - are just best solicited, obtained and accepted or discarded on the anonymous forum level.

But, just hang in there, and keep trying. Who knows ? Someone may eventually just take you up on your offer and send you cool things from Japan !

HisMom, thanks, but you obviously haven't read my message properly. I specifically said it would have to be someone I somewhat already knew on here. And I also said that it would take time to build up that trust before we started exchanging gifts etc.

Like on my other thread, why don't people even bother reading my messages properly? Why come up with an argument against something that has already been answered? How much further would everybody get in life if people just listened to each other in the first place?

And for the bloody record, I meant what I said re. ending my life. See my other thread in the haven. It wasn't a manipulative message to get people to feel sorry for me. For crying out loud, I would've thought by now you would have known me far better than that.

In other words, sod off.

I would be your friend, but it wouldn't be proper. I hope someone nice responds to you.
If so, I suggest you and she get P.O. boxes so you don't have to exchange home addresses right away.
Good luck!

If you are feeling suicidal, you need professional help.

I hope you get it. Good luck !