Do you have a red flag list?

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Red flags are indeed subjective as they are based on self awareness of personal limitations... you know that saying ...if you've met a person on the spectrum, you've met one person on the spectrum.

The onus isn't on the other person to behave with consideration and be accommodating, its on me to make decisions which protect myself, like not dating someone who would be too challenging for my personal abilities. A few years back I started to prioritise my autistic needs, like noise sensitivity or my difficulty socialising and realised that I needed a very specific fit in a partner.
These days I'm in a LDR with an autistic man and he is simply a perfect match, I wasted too many years conforming to other people's standards in relationships, now, being my true self is the absolute priority and thankfully I have that with my beau.

If I had one:

No off leash dogs
Cancel plans at a minimum
No compliments or insult or criticism
No "huh" "what"

"Respect" is too vague. It's a blank check to veto anything you do not like. But whatever, respect.

Patient
No comments on appearance or IQ
Not materialistic or superficial or Republicans or racist, sexism, homophobia

No wrongful accusations

No self important lil attitude

This explains some, imo also why society values some of it rather more than is good,
(and the return of the propagandised 'femme-enfant', for consumer business happy isn't a thing, 'medical care' is consumer(ist) too, more outsourcing of responsabiliies)

The problem inherent to any red flag list, is that, it can't be exhaustive

You could sort a long list into similar groups, decide on personal qualities linked to each group and look out for people who have those qualities.

Red flag: I get a bad vibe off them.

Addicted to technology, drugs,

Criminal conviction (, it could be wrongfully accused, but I don't want to know)

Personality disorder (inam a hypocrite)

Control freak

biggest one is right-wingers who in my experience are ALWAYS ableist which is itself the second biggest red flag.

Won't tolerate dissent

Not receptive to learning new things

Calls women "girls"

Unjustified touching

Always calling

Impatient, demanding,

Refers to himself as "most people"

I think a big one is if they refer to all of their exes as "crazy" or "b**ches," etc.


Word choice doesn't matter all that much, but if they have nothing good to say about any of their exes, of if they say stuff like "they all abandoned me." That's extremely fishy, and you're likely to end up in the same boat.

Also, when people say "You're perfect" (which is not only a red flag, but also just really annoying and cheesy)." What that really means is "You're perfect, until you prove otherwise, and you'd better hope you don't."

Thought of another one... The victim mentality, my ex had that in spades, he used to gaslight me and at one point I did believe him, that I was the real source of the problems in the marriage.
He done a lot of things to protect his self image, and especially in the last few years at my cost. The experience has helped me identify these red flags in others, I don't just look out for them in men. I find that observing and analysing these traits in all people to be the best way to add context and identify those who would harm me if given the chance.

I have a book - it's more humour but does have interesting facts in it - "The Little Black Book of Big Red Flags" by Burton, Fishman, and McCrary

Something even better - another book - "How Men Think" by Shawn T. Smith.

Also, "The Sociopath Next Door" by Martha Stout

Youtube videos by Dr. Ramani Durvasula (THE BEST!! !!)

If I set a boundary, even one as mundane as 'please don't call me after 9 pm,' and somebody ignores it, it is a red flag.

When they micromanage you. f**k Anthony Rodgers. "We would rather not have you doing yoga. It's distracting.". The lil penis had the nerve to tell me. Eight years ago. how about, we would rather not have you continue living. It's distracting? ",We" means two or more. There are seven billion people on Earth. Everything is either grounding, neither , or "distracting". f**k you, Anthony Rodgers!

Excessive compliments or criticism. f**k Rolando Do NOT tell me that you are glad that I rolled my sleeves down. Seriously "Actions speak louder than words,". "Loose lips sink ships"



Failure to apologize or make amends

Republican. f**k Arthur white.

Too many jokes about me (or anything else). f**k professor saier. Not everything is funny. Nor should it be

Complain too much

Judgmental attitude ("cool", "sucks"). ("Most people") . Some things are "cool" and some things "suck". Cope with it, ass hole

Flaker

"Are you ok?". Always trying to get me to say "thank you".

Wrongful accusations. Some dipshit had the nerve to accuse me of breaking it's biscotti. It was already broken in the store. Dipshit did not take video tape or fingerprints. If it is going to accuse me of that, it shows that it is biased against me and eager to blame me for anything.

right wingers in general all my life have been a big red flag.