A question for the women here that are married/have a S/O.

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Do you every try to, say, be especially "sexy" or "attractive" for your man? I know that even for NT women it's certainly not universal but for aspie women I am curious if they on average tend to care any less on such things. Like going out of your way to wear something sexy or otherwise look very physically attractive.

Nope, never. I'm just naturally sexy and devilish in whatever I wear, so there is no need.

Since I've been with my man I've been wearing sexier underwear. Also I try to shave more frequently.

If we are going somewhere special or if I am in a particular mood, but I did it a lot more when the relationships were new.

I don't know, it depends on my Oh at the time. I've had ex partners that want that, but also my current husband isn't at all bothered, so the effort would be wasted. It's certainly something on my mind and something I consider when I make decisions about my hair and stuff.

I used to be really big on this. These days I'm a bit more of the "love me as I am" mindset, and I have to budget my spoons much more carefully and grooming takes a lot. I've also gotten a lot uglier in the past couple years so it feels pointless. I can't make myself look good with clever dressing and layers of makeup anymore. I've had to accept there is no shaving method that won't leave my crotch full of sores.

I do still love lingerie when I can find it big enough and cheap enough. I do dress as nice as I can for dates and stuff. Since I've gotten a new partner I've been trying to make a bit more effort. Partly because that's natural in a new relationship and because I want to make sure my other partner knows he's still special to me.

My husband says I used to dress to impress him when we dated 24 years ago. I think I was just young and skinny with long blonde hair and a smile and he was a horny guy. We definitely got married out of lust not love. It was on our honeymoon though that he got the first comment about not wanting to spend too much time having S.x. if you know what I mean and its plagued us for 23 years.

I've never been the type to dress up and be sexy. My husband always bought me lingerie and clothing to wear for him which I did "for him". He stopped after about 10 years when I got more picky about clothing and now he only complains that I don't dress up for him anymore.

I have a low affect in my expressions, I don't smile much and its gotten worse in the last few years, could be partially due to my job dealing with abused and neglected kids though.

How do Aspie's go about making that change if it what your husband requires to be happy? Do I just continue faking interest in my own husband? Do I continue being an actress in my relationship? How do I change things without him wanting a divorce? Advice please.

Sometimes I try because I know I am supposed to. I hate And and resent it and I'm really bad at it.

That's how it was in my marriage too. "Acting sexy" for me felt like... well, just ridiculous somehow. Like some cheap acting, I felt a bit like a clown.
I can't do the sexy talk either and I had lovers asking me to talk sexy to them, which was so awkward because I had no idea what to say.

I wear the same make-up every day, same hairstyle (for years), I do have a few dresses in my wardrobe, but I feel a bit exposed and uncomfortable in them, I much prefer trousers (can be tight, shimmery, sexy ones). I used to dress "sexier" when I was 18-19 for a few years onwards, but now when I see the photos of myself from then... erm, I probably shouldn't have done that. So awkward.