Women difficult diagnosis too ?

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Hi everyone,
I am 28 and currently getting diagnosed as aspie, but my diagnosis has not been conclusive so far.
My doctor says that my aspie signs are subtle. For ex : I can guess people’s emotions, humour and intentions pretty well. But my neuropsychologist says that an aspie girl can learn this by herself. I really can’t tell whether I learned the social language or not. I am a good observer as I love drawing since little, but I guess this doesn’t mean anything.

Apart from that, I share many other aspie traits : I have massive sensory issues, social anxiety and difficulties in social interactions. I get quickly tired from them and need isolation sometimes for days. I can’t look someone in the eyes when I talk to them. I do have many interests that often turn into obsessions and I do stim discredtly.
But my doctor says that a hypersensitive neurotypical could also show those caracteristics-?
I don’t know much about aspies even I have been reading about it for 6 months, it’s all new to me.

So I wanted to ask if you or if you know other women who had a difficult diagnosis too ?
I know it’s harder to detect asperger with women than men. But is it common for women to get such a long and complex diagnosis ?
Are there typical aspergirl signs that confirm a diagnosis straightaway ?

Many thanks in advance for your help !

Women tend to be underdiagnosed.

Being an aspie/autistic doesn't mean you can't learn social skills, it means that you won't learn them as easily as non-autistic person would by watching and copying. But of course, if you can live on your own and manage that then you're likely to be on the milder end of the spectrum. And of course, aspergers is a part of that end.

Then again, it could also be some other neurological thing that you have. I don't know much about those though.

No, there isn't. I think the most conclusive test of autism is a widely varying disparity of intelligence in different areas. In order to do that you need to do a lot of testing.

I don't see much correlation between intelligence areas. If someone is smart in one area, they are smart in one area. Trying to predict something from that is very hard.

Perhaps you saw my posts where I am upset that my diagnosis was not straight forward. I requested an evaluator experienced with diagnosing adult ASD women. It's obvious to this assessing psych (and my ASD therapist) that I am Autistic, so I received that diagnosis ("mild to moderate") … based on evidence b/c I didn't "pass" the ASD diagnostic test. I take it that I "overthink" the Qs (take them too literally - isn't that what ASD folks do?! !!) and they are not geared to those who are compensating with every last ounce of energy (I'm controlling it, oh boy, am I controlling it --- watch me controlling it b/c I am about to explode). I think one (of many) gender biases (which is personality also) is I like people! I like being around people, I just have a REALLY hard time getting along with most, and the noise and the movement... Albeit I kind of collect people more than play with them.

I find I have near 90% of the traits on the following list once I got really honest with myself and took my self-mask away. I am a "hyper" ASD type ("too" everything); my AS-like BFF is a more "hypo" ASD type ("un" everything) and didn't relate to this list, so keep your personality in mind. https://the-art-of-autism.com/females-a ... checklist/

It's been a relief and confronting for me to look past my self-delusion. Heck, if I can fool myself so thoroughly, I can (inadvertently) "fool" a standardized test. My ASD coach says in my case it's the blessing and curse of high intelligence combined with ASD. I can "behave" well enough, but it was a house of cards (so to say). Now I'm getting real!

Good luck in your journey to self-awareness, whatever that might look like.

Thank you all for your answers, very helpful ! Thank you again.

I am having more tests next week with my neuropsychologist. I just want to understand

It feels like it’s going to be a long and stressful journey but worth it, whatever the results are...

I've seen some episodes of Young Sheldon that suggest that his sister also shows widely varying intelligences. But, because her issues don't interfere with her social interactions, she isn't autistic. In fact she might be considered a genius at socializing. But, from another perspective, she is *exactly* like Sheldon!

Perhaps something to consider is how much you are following rules vs. doing what feels natural in social situations. For instance, do you consciously think about things like eye contact, not pulling away from hugs, making socially appropriate responses to questions, monitoring your body language and tone of voice, etc? That may help you process whether you have natural social deficits you are compensating for or not. My understanding is that highly sensitive nuerotypical people would have sensory issues, but not the feeling that social interactions are made up of a long list of rules to follow, many of which go against their natural instincts. (With maybe the exception of wanting to avoid very stimulating/stressful social situations many enjoy.)

I would run all that by your qualified professionals though, since I am just sharing what led to my psychologist thinking I may be on the spectrum after discussions where she thought it was unlikely. When I explained that I think about things like the correct amount of eye contact, correct facial expressions/tone of voice for the situation, etc. during conversations she said that was not typical. But I have not been formally diagnosed and probably never will be. It's expensive and there would be little point for me. So take all this as potentially flawed advice I suppose?

I was late diagnosis cause I so shy I never talk and thought only anxiety