Sex Positive

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That's the reason why I mentioned before that the sexual mores of all cultures are experienced as painful by the people who live with them.

Last edited by ike on 07 Jan 2009, 2:16 am, edited 1 time in total.

This got me down for so long. I had no explanation, but I knew that I couldn't be living a normal life. I have better experiences with clients than with men in my personal life, but there are many details involved. The set of rules is simple, and most of them already know how to behave themselves. I want positive sexual encounters, not relationships that are lacking in protocol and communication, hurting my feelings and slowing me down to a point of lack luster.

No one has ever considered that AS girls might have a special interest in sex, at least that I know about. I was sexually playful at a very young age, but did not lose my virginity until I was 17. I did however, have to use sexual play in every childhood friendship that I ever formed with anyone. I've always been a sexually absorbed girl. It was my only way to make friends. I'm talking about from age 4 that I can earliest remember initiating sexual contact in order to maintain a relationship with another child. I knew no boundaries. From what I understand, sexual play among young kids is normal, but my issue is that it took me longer to really understand that you can't be eight years old and try to make out with twin sisters, the boy across the street, and your imaginary friend. I also carried a baby blanket with me until I was about ten years old. It had been given to me the day I was born. I would have kept on carrying it, but it actually got lost, and I guess I trusted my family to care about it, which they did not. I also was being taught that it was really stupid to love that thing. Later on I was taught that I was stubborn and hard headed, so that's what I thought I was; hard headed. Now I have a tendency to bump my head on things quite a bit. I'm not kidding, and I'm sure it's believable to some of you.

So, I don't really think sex is a negative thing, but I can only speak for myself now, because when someone else is involved, the opinion has to change to a mutual understanding, and that takes time.

Virginia doesn't seem like it would be a very conducive place for you to live with sex as a special interest... Dunno... maybe I'm wrong... but it seems to me like someplace like Portland OR might be more conducive (or maybe southern CA, but there are other issues with the culture down there that might be problematic).

Good point. I think no one has really considered it. I suppose the idea probably makes a lot of people uncomfortable. And there might be AS boys with sex as a special interest, too, though that's likely to get a different reaction from adults! Girls = vulnerable. Boys = perverts.

I wonder if Shere Hite looked at anything related to this in her research. She doesn't appear to be on the spectrum at all, but sex seems to be her area of special interest, too. Have you read her autobiography? I found it interesting.

Last edited by Anemone on 08 Jan 2009, 1:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.

You know Mix I grew up the same way sexually and when I was around 8 or 9 and got busted with the neighbor girls the crap hit the fan. I was told it was wrong but to be honest I didn't believe it for a minute as I thought that sex just seems to normal to be abnormal. Maybe that's why it didn't effect the way I thought as a kid. Even today the first thing I think about when I meet is woman is how much I'd like to have sex with her. I mean ever woman, not just cute ones. Of course I don't but I still everything I do is first based upon a sexual content and then on other criteria on secondarily.

A major factor of what isn't sex positive is STD's even with safe sex practices there is no guartentee you won't get a sexaully transmitted diease. If I slept with over 100 people even by the time I was 60 I'd be sure to get vagina cancer, gross! I could not imagine have that many partners or penises inside me. I'd much rather have lots of sex with the one partner!

As far as children and sex games go. I think that is normal too. My older sister use to make me and my other sister take all our clothes off and play sex games under the bed. I don't remember but that is what I was told. I remember tickling each other thier because it is really ticklish. I knew some other sisters that sometimes did the same. I also use to make my barbie dolls rape one another. So it is a normal part of development.

I also remember being with my uncle and cousin and they was having an indepth conversation. In trying to get thier attention I said, "I'll hang you up by your dick on the clothes line and swing you around." I was only a little girl and it did get thier attention.

Last edited by BellaDonna on 08 Jan 2009, 2:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Yeah that's a really big problem today. Back when I was young it wasn't a problem and almost nobody worried about 'protection' so things have changed for sure in that respect.
That Barbie Doll rape thing is really wild. I think it's great you were able to be so creative. You could write a book about that one for sure.

Very much not the way I've been... but I think that I have on several occasions been unfairly stigmatized by people who didn't understand what I was saying and simply assumed because I mention that I'm poly or especially that I identify as bisexual, that I obviously must therefore be a sexual predator. It seems inherently wrong to me that all the NT people I've known have been allowed to talk sex as much as they like in the office, but that if I respond in even a clinical way to their discussion of it, I somehow suddenly become a dangerous and undesirable person. I've been fired from at least two jobs where I know for a fact that guys who were socially f*****g OBNOXIOUS and blatantly shared porn with coworkers (and the boss knew about it). I haven't looked at porn for even ONE MINUTE while at work at ANY job EVER in my LIFETIME. And somehow, the yelling, belittling, porn-sharing FREAK is fine, and I'm the problem. Sorry for the rant.

Out of all people in the world bi's and voyeurs usually get the worst of it since even by progressive standards we're usually considered to be just one notch above pond scum.

It definitely has not helped me make friends here. I'm the most intellectually versatile sex worker in the area, so it gives me an edge, and since there is a need for older generation sex education here, I've adapted to the area as best as can be expected. I actually meet quite a few people on the spectrum through work, which is great. The first diagnosed person with AS I ever encountered was a regular customer in a strip club that I worked at. He had a special ability to choose Pick 3 and Pick 4 lottery numbers, so he has won those games more than anyone else in the whole state. He and I got along, but he wasn't there to see me. He had a special interest in another dancer. He usually gets really drunk and dances around on the floor acting like a male stripper, and sometimes gets up on stage with one of the ladies. He's a lot of fun, and everyone loves him at that club.

I considered moving up to New York, but there is so much poverty, that the idea became unappealing. Virginia is for Lovers, you know.

That surprises me... I'd rather expect that if I (or really anyone) tried to get up on stage with the dancers, that they'd get bounced... but then I've never been a regular at any club, so maybe it's different.



I'd always heard that Virginia was the "birth place of presidents".

I have yet to read it.

Considering sex as a special interest makes me wonder a little bit. Has anyone ever kept you from or disallowed you from pursing one of your special interests (not related to sex) because you were female, Anenome? I'm that person if there ever was one.

I know a guy that has a special interest in sex if there is such a thing. He also has "problems", and could be on the Spectrum. The difference between him and I is that he manifests himself as a total fuckaholic. You know, the word "f**k" in general used to confuse me, with all the ways people use it descriptively. It still does, to tell you the truth.

I'm not really able to publish in academic journals or participate in academic culture because I'm too girly. That's a work culture thing - I don't know if it counts.

I have major problems with acting culture because of how sexualized female roles are - I'd love to perform but there aren't any thug 1 or thug 2 roles for women; it's always stripper 1 or stripper 2 (I exaggerate slightly). Again, I'm too girly/nice for that sort of thing, not tough enough.

I was pushed into studying science because I was female and gifted. They wanted to improve their stats, without thought to how well we did. Some did well, some didn't. They didn't tell us we could be too girly to succeed. I guess they didn't know.

My true special interest, mythology (and by extension movies and comics) was not discouraged so much as ignored, because there was no one in my environment who could see how it applied to the real world.

I think it depends on your cultural background as much as anything whether you're prevented from following your interests or not because of your sex/gender.

Actually, now that I think of it, the one real barrier that was because of my being female was my father's lack of interest in investing in long term education for me. He wanted me to get one degree then get a job. (And I mostly paid for the degree.) If he'd been willing to help me all the way through grad school perhaps I could have done better? On the other hand, he offered to fund a bakery for my brother if he wanted (he didn't). I don't think parents realize how sexist they can be in how much they invest in their kids.

I really second that last thought for sure. That's where sexism starts.

Without a doubt. Imagine dealing with a Dad that wholeheartedly believes that women cannot read directions on a map. I'm awesome at it.

There's way more to this with me, but I'm trying not to talk about anything too heavy right now. Plus, the way that I word things freaks people out when I talk about my upbringing. I'm so aware of everything that went wrong.