How to decrease one's sex drive?
Men are welcome to reply. Some info may apply to both genders. Some men may have something to contribute based on relationships they've had with women, and some may have interesting ideas or thought-provoking questions. Any in-put is welcome from anyone.
I've been thinking about deep meditation, and wondering if yoga might help. Meditation already seems to help a bit. I just need to get better at using it for this purpose.
I want to reduce my sex drive because it's so intense, it clouds my judgment and decision-making processes. Sex is constantly on my mind at least to some extent. I've been this way since puberty and it has led me to make some impulsive decisions that I later regretted (like having sex with house mates, and friends I wasn't that attracted to ). I'd rather not have that preoccupation when I'm not in a serious, committed, long-term relationship.
Have you asked your Gyn to run blood tests on you to see if you have too high testosterone? Sometimes women can get PCOS which raises their T level too high for a woman.
I don't think you mentioned your age, but are you anywhere nearing middle age? Approaching 40 has been a God-send I have to tell you. It's nice no longer feeling that urge to find a mate and not giving a darn about it.
I'm 29. All the older women in my family have gone through menopause late (circa 60 years of age), and most have conceived and given birth throughout their 40's without any kind of fertility treatments or anything. This is on both sides of my family. So I expect it will be the same for me.
I'll ask my doctor about the possibility of having a high T level. My father has a rare disorder that causes his body to produce too much testosterone, and he has taken meds for it, but I don't know what it's called or if it can be inherited and affect females. I would think that high T levels would create obvious physical abnormalities, but in my father's case, the effects seemed to be solely neurological, so I guess I could have inherited some disorder that causes T to reach high levels in the brain without affecting the rest of the body.
I want to focus on the rest of life without that distraction.
Wow. Like your opening post, I could have written the above one myself, in the long period before I finally, FINALLY found my wife. Multiple times, I considered setting up a castration appointment, because I just couldn't take the psychological torment anymore. Suicide seemed a wonderful option, too. I just wished my testicles had a switch where I could simply switch on and off the bulk of their influence over my mind. I like thinking like a man, but not like a slobbering club-carrying cavebeast of sexual devour. Add to this my sexual morality -- not believing in sex outside of marriage -- and you get the full picture.
NOT. FUN.
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Christianity is different than Judaism only in people's minds -- not in the Bible.
Yes, Ragtime, that's exactly how it is for me. I don't really like having sex outside of a committed relationship either. But if I go long enough without sex (even if I masturbate), it becomes painful. It's a kind of mild, constant physical discomfort that's hard to describe. Simultaneously, my thoughts about sex grow more intense, and, tbh, my standards get a little lower.
Also, when I don't have sex on a regular basis, I'm a lot more prone to anxiety, and I'm less confident, and I feel more socially awkward.
At that point, whether I give in and have casual sex with a friend or not, it still sucks because it's such a big distraction from everything else that life has to offer. I don't want to look at people and have part of my mind automatically assess their attractiveness - I want to be completely free of such superficial nonsense.
Sex in a committed relationship, however, is great! That's why I'm not seeking a permanent solution.
Also, when I don't have sex on a regular basis, I'm a lot more prone to anxiety, and I'm less confident, and I feel more socially awkward.
At that point, whether I give in and have casual sex with a friend or not, it still sucks because it's such a big distraction from everything else that life has to offer. I don't want to look at people and have part of my mind automatically assess their attractiveness - I want to be completely free of such superficial nonsense.
Sex in a committed relationship, however, is great! That's why I'm not seeking a permanent solution.
Since you're physically attractive, why dont you just get a new bf who likes f_cking as much as you?
Also, when I don't have sex on a regular basis, I'm a lot more prone to anxiety, and I'm less confident, and I feel more socially awkward.
At that point, whether I give in and have casual sex with a friend or not, it still sucks because it's such a big distraction from everything else that life has to offer. I don't want to look at people and have part of my mind automatically assess their attractiveness - I want to be completely free of such superficial nonsense.
Sex in a committed relationship, however, is great! That's why I'm not seeking a permanent solution.
Since you're physically attractive, why dont you just get a new bf who likes f_cking as much as you?
I'm holding out for the right guy.
Also, when I don't have sex on a regular basis, I'm a lot more prone to anxiety, and I'm less confident, and I feel more socially awkward.
At that point, whether I give in and have casual sex with a friend or not, it still sucks because it's such a big distraction from everything else that life has to offer. I don't want to look at people and have part of my mind automatically assess their attractiveness - I want to be completely free of such superficial nonsense.
Sex in a committed relationship, however, is great! That's why I'm not seeking a permanent solution.
Males endure much of the same thing other then its harder for us to connect with someone then it is with most females,
also, males have to endure this for life (although its much worse during puberty) where by my understanding once a woman hits menopause or older their drive decreases drastically. older males who for all basic purposes know that their time has indeed come and gone sorely do wish they can just turn it off or drastically reduce it but cant, in this respect women are also lucky.
I know a lot of women well past the change and they still have the same drive as they had before so that shouldn't be a generalization. About 80% of sex is in the mind and 20% between your legs. As long as you've got a good mind you should have good sex. That of course is all dependent on partners and situations as we've already touched on.
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I am one of those people who your mother used to warn you about.
Yes, and I've known men who reported a that their sex drive began to decrease when they got into their 40's. In fact, every 40-something-year-old man with whom I've been intimate has had a lower sex drive than me and has said that his sex drive was higher when he was younger. None of them could do it more than once a day.
Even men in their 30's seem to find sex more tiring than men in their 20's. I remember back in the college days, it was normal for me and my then bf to have sex and then get right up and go do something else. We did this about 3 times per day on average. It was only the extra long sessions that made us want to nap afterwards.
Now it's been a long time since I've been with a man in his twenties, so I basically expect men to fall asleep for at least an hour after sex. And I've gotten used to doing it more than once in a day being a rare occasion. It doesn't matter much to me - I care more about other qualities in a partner.
In fact, that's one of the reasons I want to learn how to decrease my sex drive. If I find a great guy with a lower sex drive, I don't want him to ever feel inadequate, like he can't keep up with me, or please me enough or something. I would hate for that to be an issue in an otherwise good relationship.
Yep... I'm in a committed relationship and this is exactly our issue. I also feel pain and anxiety when I don't have sex enough. "Enough" for me would be several times a day. I completely believe that it's in the brain. Maybe it has something to do with my aspergers? I would love to be with someone who has the same sex drive as me (I'm 24). .. I'm not sure what to do at this point either.
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"nothing ventured, nothing gained"
Correct me if I'm being to literal or otherwise misunderstanding, but do you mean that if a guy doesn't want to have sex more than once a day or every other day, and / or falls asleep for a long time after sex, he is a whimp or a sissy or has "issues"?
And I guess this would mean that it is a psychological thing more than a physical thing with most men, like a personality trait?