autism and obsession with "showing"

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If you note the DSM IV diagnostic criteria for AS and Autism one of them is...

"Lack of spontaneous seeking to share enjoyment, interests, or achievements with other people (e.g.. by a lack of showing, bringing, or pointing out objects of interest to other people)"

Yet I've noticed a pattern that seems diametrically opposed to this in myself as well as with others on the spectrum. It seems like there's a subset of AS in which children are very demanding in their insistence that other people watch them and/or participate in their special interests. I was always like this, and still am somewhat to this day. My parents informed me that even when I was 3 years old I would insist that my dad marched in an imaginary parade with me where I followed a certain pattern walking around the room. I would also make my parents watch me do something and then insist that they provide a critique. This was considered unusual behavior, but it isn't something that's really explained by the DSM or various theories regarding autism.

Even now, when I go on a hiking trial that I find particularly aesthetically pleasing to me, I always feel this gripping desire to bring friends or family members on the exact same trail, taking the exact same route so they will experience the same thing I did, and then ask them what they thought of it. Other than other autistic people, most people don't seem to understand the appeal of this, or why I might feel disappointed when other people would rather do something else rather than follow my plan.

Hopefully this makes sense. It is a pattern I've noticed not only in myself but in others I've met who I feel may be on the spectrum.

That was me as a kid.

That was me as a kid, and that's me, today.

I only tell/show peers [including good friends my age] things that I really, really like. However, I show my parents or my brother or sister or another family member... anything I see or hear when I am with them that I like.

me too. Maybe the difference is showing or sharing something for OTHERS enjoyment. I don't do that much, and when others want to talk about something I have a hard time listening. But I have problem showing others my current "project" (whatever it may be at the time. I switch off between special interests every once in awhile). My dad (who is unDx, but very CLEARLY an Aspie) is known for cornering people and going on and on...and ON some more about it (usually Bollywood movies I also share that special interest, LOL). But if you try and talk about something else he'll say, "Yeah. Well, anyway, let me show you this new Bollywood movie I got!" :p And that's me too. That's how I interpret that anyway.

Well...I very much enjoy sharing my interests with other people, especially if they also have that interest, or seem likely to find the subject interesting. Most people I make no attempt to share things with because I know they won't get it anyway. Ultimately, people who do not have similar interests (they don't have to be identical, but at least complimentary) bore me, so I don't go out of my way to be around them.

Making a big deal out of achievements seems a bit vain, so again, I might share it with those close to me, but I won't take out an ad to trumpet my success to the world.

Me too - if I've gone out & bought some DVDs or some neat computer equipment and my brother shows up, I'll be completely in his face for a while until he makes it *completely* obvious he's not interested. But then, he does the same thing with guitars lol...

Well that's just it. Even at the tender age of 3 I already knew that I wanted others to enjoy the things that brought me so much joy. I either couldn't reconcile or didn't want to reconcile that others had completely different interests. It made me sad.

As I grew older I learned that a lot of social interaction consists of one person sharing their interests while the other person pretends to be just as excited, then when it's the other person's turn to share their interests it's up to the first person to feign an interest. Yet for people on the spectrum this kind of social feigning isn't very satisfying. It's something that falls under the category of politeness yet lacks a true depth of enthusiasm or emotional connection.

What you describe in your post is actually not what the criterion implies.

Notice that it says "pointing out objects of interest to other people". This means being able to play along with other people's feelings and interests by showing them things that pertain to their interests or correspond to what they're feeling.

I guess it's supposed to be spontaneous for those who are not on the spectrum.

(Someone actually explained this to me before, but I can see how it can get interpreted the other way because I understood it the same way as you did before it was explained to me.)

Last edited by MathGirl on 27 Jul 2010, 5:01 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I have done this and still do this, albeit to a lesser extent. I started to stop doing this when I was heavily criticized for doing these things back in High School.

As a boy and now, I only share my obsessions, and then I will talk and demonstrate your head off about it. Everything else I keep to myself. If I find something beautiful, interesting, or shocking, I don't really think to show it to someone else.

When I was younger I did not "show" in order to share because I was so shy. Anything that brought attention to myself made me anxious. Now if there's something I really like I can tell people about it but if it's something I did chances are I won't.

If something catches my attention, or I think of some random thought, I'm likely to share it, and then one second later wonder, "Why'd I say that? Only I would care about that." I've gotten used to the fact that most people have no interest in what I'd really like to talk about, but that doesn't always stop me.

"a lack of spontaneous seeking to share enjoyment, interests, or achievements with other people (e.g., by a lack of showing, bringing, or pointing out objects of interest)"

i think what you describe is actually a good example of this criterion. it is not spontaneous to take someone over the exact trail and at the end ask them what they thought of it. i believe the spontaneous in this instance would be pointing out things as they happen or are experienced.

its also a good example of the lack of theory of mind, which is not described in the diagnostic criteria but is a common issue with autistics. the forcing of your own interests on others without regard to whether they want to hear about them or not.

my aspie SO is subjected to me insisting i show him what i bought at the store on a regular basis. he is getting better at feigning interest

I guess I am like this because I've learned that most of the world doesn't have obsessions with all of the details about xxxx as much as I do. I am exploding with all the xxxxx stuffed inside of me from every minute of every day. I would like to show others but when they aren't excited it has made me realize that I was assuming they would be interested. I stopped doing it around other people because I believe if they want to know, or experience xxxx, they will ask me. It is also frustrating when they experience a part of it, not taking the time to get all of it.

Last edited by alone on 27 Jul 2010, 5:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Yeah, spontaneous as in being able to infer about other people's desires/feelings/emotions and point out things accordingly in an active process of responding to that person's shifts in mental/emotional state. Also, it's not a lack of theory of mind, but rather the inability to read a person's nonverbals and to respond to them appropriately. For me, that processing gap is huge, but I still have the ability to understand theoretically that other people are thinking something that is different from what I'm thinking. The processing just does not happen quickly enough for me to be able to act on it, and a lot of the time, I don't know how to act on it, again, because of an impairment in the ability to read social cues.