There's very little to help with anything... society, as ever, does not care... I've been coping a bit strangely, lately, which evolved from obsessing (as I am doing generally, recently, with regards to violence)... about the concept of consent, and how much that was violated back then, again and again and again... only started a few weeks ago, since I realized the more relevant rationalization for me (consent, sort of to redress its lack in the past, even if it doesn't, really) to feel pain... but, at least, I inflicted it (although, uh, I seem to be doing it so often it's painful when I even try to move around, now)... and not some f*****g demon enabled by society... I know it may seem insane to inflict pain on myself after all that, but at least it's consensual, f*****g finally... sometimes I wonder how I never did it in the past sixteen years, but then, I seemed to have buried the emotional aspects during those times too, and this seems one way I can possibly act against the memories...