First time in history!! !! The NT/AS open hotline ! !! !! !

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People are being shy to ask questions, both NTs and Aspies

Ooh, I've got one. It's for NTs.

Okay, so... why don't you guys ever do spontaneous things when you're somewhere solo? (not necessarily in a completely private place, like maybe at the park or something) Like running/jumping/dancing for no reason, or climbing something, or building a tower out of pebbles or whatever? Do you just not get the urge to? Or is it that you're afraid someone will see? I see people do stuff like this with friends, but not alone.

I've done all of those things when alone. You aren't going to know if somebody does spontaneous things when alone unless you follow them around for a long time.

I suppose you're right.;;; But I've gotten caught doing spontaneous things several times, and since I am so quiet, people usually don't notice when I'm near them, so I thought I would have caught someone by now.;;

But, if it's something most normal people do, why doesn't everyone just do it weather or not anyone is watching?

I only do these spontaneous things if I'm pretty sure nobody is looking my way or I'm literally alone. Otherwise I feel self conscious and weird. If I'm not alone in that (and I suspect I'm not) this explains why you don't see it more. Sometimes if somebody DOES see me, I feel embarrassed and it's at least a few hours before I do anything spontaneous alone after that. I've never been teased. I've never teased anybody about it. Bit the feeling is there anyway.

There are a few movies that have this as a scene. The (NT) person thinks he/she is alone and busts out doing something just crazy and free and spontaneous. Then somebody else walks past and they are mortified. If it's in a movie, that means it's not just me.

to AS or NTs that have meltdowns (I could be in this category? I dunno):

What are some good suggestions for controlling emotional outbursts? Man, I almost lost it today over almost nothing, I've done this since I was a kid and it's annoying.

To AS:

What's the best way to control stimming? Ghaw, I start rocking or pacing and swaying in public and I catch myself too late...

To NTs:

Why don't you come out and say that you suspect someone is AS? I've found out some people suspected I was AS for years and didn't say anything about it. Or why do people like dropping hints but not saying it, like some people will just say I have a Bill Gates personality (my psychologist, heh) or like my roommate the other day ask out of the blue if I obsess about things.

To anyone:
Do you consider someone without an ASD that has another mental disorder NT? I'm actually dxed as schizoaffective, and I know I don't think like other people and socially don't get along, I seem closer to the aspies than the NTs... but don't quite fit in with either...

Aaah, you're right, I've seen it in a lot of movies. Hmmm, maybe we should all be more spontaneous without caring.. maybe it would encourage more people to do it, and then when it became normal, we'd be able to do it without hardly anyone even noticing. Maybe. Or maybe they'd just think we're crazy. Like a crazy bum or something. Unless we're in nice clothes. That's what I want to see, really. Some guy in a suit and tie climbing a tree on his way home from the office.


Maybe if you practice noticing when you start doing it, you could then redirect it into a less noticeable one. Like bouncing your leg or messing with your fingers. I don't know. I'm lucky, I don't do too many weird looking ones in the first place.

And I'm not NT, but my answer to your NT question is: I don't do it because I don't know if the other person wants people to know, and I don't want to embarrass them. Also I kind of don't care, because what they're like is what they're like, and saying it's one thing or the other doesn't make much difference to me.

And for your last question: it kind of depends on what kind of thing it is. Like dyslexia only effects a small area of stuff, and the person is normal in most areas, so that would still be NT to me. But if it's something that effects more of the person's life, that's not NT.
Hmm.. and then there are things like Tourette's, which only technically affects a small area of the person's actions, but the effects of those actions might cause more problems, like self-esteem issues which could affect their whole social life and personality, so I don't know what I'd count that as. I guess I'd have to decide case-by-case.
I don't have a solid understanding of what schizoaffective means, so I don't have an opinion on that one yet.

Yes, usually.



I don't mind feeling alone; I rarely feel lonely. However, if someone wanted me to feel less alone, sharing my interests would be the easiest way to engage me. With partners, I can feel less alone through physical contact, such as their weight on top of me, holding me tight. However, that was more of a physical comfort thing because I would not feel their mental presence as strongly in terms of them being another person.

When I've bee told so for myself, the way it was done, had such bad consequences, a real disaster, that I don't dare to say to someone I know. I don't know how to say it even if I know that the persons could use a bit of that information.

So I'm very interested as well to read more answers about that.

Questions to the NTs:

1. How do you identify/spot who the influential people are (at work or any other group where it's crucial to survive/succeed)?
2. Once you've identified them, how do you identify what you can help them with, so that they'll (hopefully) become supporters of you?

We were told today at the workshop that this is what we have to do, but I don't know how to do it, and they didn't have time to go into that.

1)Watch who other people flock around. There will be somebody in the group who is like a sun with lots of little planets orbiting around him. That's the influential person.

2)Once you've identified them, you have to identify WHY people flock to him. Is it because he's the liason between your group and other groups? Is it because he has the most social connections? Is it because he has power over what the group is able to do (financial, hiring/firing, political)? Find this out by talking to the other people who flock around him. An innocent "who IS that guy?" may give you the answer you need.

3)Once you know his role and why people flock around him, make sure that you don't do anything that gets in the way of him performing his role. For example, if he is the liason between your group and other groups, don't try to go "over his head" when you need something from these other groups. Go to him instead. I know that this step is a lot harder than the first 2 steps. Try to copy the actions of the other people as they relate to him.


(I know that "him" might actually be "her".)

And what can I do to become close to that person? How can I identify their needs / desires / insecurities so I can help/support them and get into a mutually cooperating relationship with them that will strengthen my position in the group?

And are NTs born knowing these things?

Sun (or son of ) God topic

I tried that. It did not work. The others saw how mechanical I was. I could see what they did, but I could not emulate it correctly. For me, theory is one thing, practice is another.

You find out about them by talking to the people who flock around them. You will have to ask "who IS that guy?" (or something like that) to one of the people flocking around the influemtial person. Get the other people talking to you about the influential person. This may feel ickily like asking for gossip, but that's how you find out those needs/desires and insecurities.

Are NTs born knowing these things? It's a spectrum. Some catch on faster than others. I personally figured it out around ages 11-14. I think a lot of NT people figure it out around that age or in highschool which is one of the many reasons middle school and highschool can be so dreadful. It's a time of NTs just figuring out these skills and practicing them rather badly on each other and on unsuspecting Aspies. By adulthood it's more refined and ingrained.

Thank you, Janissy! Maybe keep your answers, because your daughter will probably ask you the same questions one day... Or better still, you can create a syllabus to teach her at the right ages, rather than wait for her to ask you when she's 47 instead of 11, like me. The issues of power, hierarchy, influence , politics and pecking order are crucial ones to succeed in life or not.

This is to NT's out there.

Do you ever find yourself in situations where you are more knowledgeable than the person training you thinks? Do you let this person know that you already know what you're doing or do you play dumb and go through the motions? The aspie ToM part of me tells me to play dumb. I assume the other person is enjoying giving me their little talk/walk-through and decide not to interrupt even if they're actually wasting my time. Enjoying one's own monologues is a big aspie trait and I think this trait even crosses over into geekier NTs who get a lot of satisfaction out of sharing their knowledge.

But then I've encountered people who ask "why didn't you just tell me you already knew all this?" and I don't know what to say. Should I tell them "but you looked like you were having fun"?