AS parents with AS children question

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My son drives me absolutely NUTS sometimes, lol. I love him so much, and understand him so incredibly well, but our interests are just VERY different.

He talks to me so much about them, and I know he's doing it just to have someone to talk to about it and all (I do the same thing), but I can only pretend for so long before I'm overwhelmed or aggravated by it. He also does a lot of things like hitting himself in the head for no reason and giggling uncontrollably and I just don't understand it (I don't get the "joke" and get annoyed)... but I do at the same time.

I always feel so incredibly bad when I get annoyed by it or frustrated... and always feel like I'm just as bad as those parents who just don't get their autistic kids and want them "fixed"... except, I feel like I'm worse because I DO understand it so well, and even do some of the things he does from time to time, but it still irks me so badly at times.

Do any of you feel this way at times? ...and how do you get around it when you do?

I know the feeling but I don't have that issue with my son. He likes quiet time too and is not a big talker. I have felt overloaded by neighbor's kids though. Two brothers who carry their typical competitiveness and feuding everywhere they go. I have set some ground rules. They know what I'm like when I've had enough. There must be time allowed for me after work to decompress before any company arrives. I actually don't have a stressful job; just being out there is enough.

It's funny because mine isn't much of a talker really if I think about it, but it feels like he is because he always chooses right when I'm doing something to start telling me about something else, lol.

There have been a lot of mornings when I'm still laying in bed, just opening my eyes, with him standing over me telling me all about how he intends to build a real light saber when he gets older, as well as a device for his wrist that allows him to really use the force.... or he does things like while I'm getting things together to make dinner, or am trying to keep up with the steps to do so, he'll start asking me questions about Star Wars-quizzing me, essentially, and I get all lost on what I'm supposed to be doing, lol.

My 7 yo son is verbal, but doesn't really care much to carry on any kind of conversations. Guess that's why he's dxed with HFA, instead of AS, though. He mostly just wants to ask the same questions over, and over, and over again. Every once in awhile he'll offer something that would be considered a real 2 way conversation, but not often. The biggest thing he perseverates on is the calendar. He's extremely rain man like in that way. (I know everyone hates the comparison, but honestly my son is very much like rain man.) He wants go over when everyone's b-day is, when our appointments are, ect.. at least once a day, sometimes several. It's always the same thing, everyday. The same with hurricanes, and tornadoes, and now a weird fascination with knives. The same conversation.... everyday. He already knows all the answers to the questions he's asking, but asks them anyway. It does get a little irritating, especially since he likes to interrupt everyone else's conversations just to ask one his repetitive questions. I know why he does it, and can understand it, though. I try to be as patient with him as I can, because I know enough people are gonna tell him to be quiet in his life. He doesn't need me telling him that, too. Everyone needs to have a place where they can be themselves.

My NT daughter, on the other hand can talk anyone to death. I try to be nice, and listen, but sometimes it gets to be too much.

Of course, on the other end of it all I have a nonverbal son that I'd be delighted if he said anything at all..ever.

Very true... usually it's just when I'm not ready for it that it really gets to me, and like I said, it's ALWAYS right when I'm in the middle of something else. I'm typing and all of a sudden he wants to tell me something about Star Wars... I'm on the phone and he does... he's supposed to be going to bed (it takes an hour to get him laying down) and he thinks of things to say, rofl.

It's funny to think about it honestly, because it's definitely a good chunk of why I love him too. But man do I get in my moods, or when it feels like his interest is invading mine full force while I'm trying to wind down... that is when it gets to me.

He and I do a lot of talking together normally about every day things, so it's not the talking that bugs me. We often have talks that are one-sided, but just 2 people doing it at once... we talk at one another rather than with... so that isn't it either. Like I said, I think it's just when I'm really NOT prepared for it or am getting into my own zone and it starts up that it really just irks me.

I do try not to say much as well, because I know I wouldn't like that either if someone told me to be quiet when I was just trying to talk to them.

I think that's the hardest part of being a parent, and a wife on the spectrum. (presumably for me, since I'm not dxed) I NEED time to myself, and I hate being interrupted when I'm in the middle of any task. Especially, typing. I have to start my whole thinking process over, and begin from scratch when I'm interrupted. Everyone insists on getting my attention when I'm doing things. I patiently answer them with a smile on my face, because I know it's not their fault, but inside my head I'm screaming profanities out of frustration.

Ha ha! At least you keep it in your head Mine slips out from time to time.

Tonight we went to the store to get some stuff for a friend's birthday party. I'm doing the face painting there and found a recipe to make my own face paint. He kept on making up random things about everything, just to argue with me tonight or exclude his sister while in the store. When he found out I was making the face paint, he started going on and on about how only 2 people can make it at a time because that is what he heard from a kid in his school and all of this stuff, just to make her scream, and he kept bringing it up over... and over... and over again. He didn't even know you could make your own face paint until 5 minutes before he started making this up.

Then, I decided to pick up something to eat on the way home since we had a lot of stuff to put away when we got back as well... so we are sitting in the drive thru and my daughter asked for a slushie flavor. The guy said "We don't have that one anymore because we are getting a new flavor in soon." My son decided to scream, "That's because only Chinese people liked that flavor!"

Okay, due to strange things in anime cartoons, he has decided people in Japan are really weird... and has somehow connected that to China as well. I keep telling him that it's not true, that they just do things differently, but no-he's convinced and insists on calling them weirdos.

When he screamed that, the guy just went silent, then after a minute said "Excuse me?" I just asked for the total and pulled forward.... lol.

Any good parent needs a break sometimes. When you're feeling stressed, you should find somebody to watch the kids and go do whatever your latest special interest is... just because you're a mom doesn't mean you're no longer allowed to tend to your own needs. Your kids need a non-frazzled mom just as much as they need one that can listen to them when they want to talk.

Ah, my problem seems to be, everyone that I know works quite a bit... and I don't know many people at all to start with, lol. I can't pay anyone to watch them, as I don't work...so that doesn't go over well. But it's odd I am at times I'm still the neighborhood babysitter simply because I don't go anywhere, lol. That part used to bother me... watching everyone else's kids but them never watching mine... however, I understand it too, that after work and all the last thing they would want is 2 extra kids in their face and listening to kids fighting all night long, lol.

My mom watches them occasionally, but lives 2 hours away. She's actually gonna watch them in a month or so so we can go out to dinner and a movie and a day at the science museum maybe But, it's not an all the time thing of course with the distance between us.

I really treasure my time at night, lol...

OMG. I'm am laughing so hard. I know it wasn't funny for you at the time, though.

The rest was pretty normal kid stuff, unless your son has an obsession like mine does to thwart his sister at every turn. She is his nemesis. It truly goes beyond sibling rivalry.

Ha ha! If you thought that was funny, you'd love to have him around for a while He's constantly saying things like that. If he sees a display that looks different from what he is used to, it's "because some Chinese guy must have messed with that". My kid is prejudice and doesn't even realize it! I hope this goes away soon, you should see some of the looks we get in the store.

Oh yes-I have walked into the bedroom due to hearing screaming and walked in to see them quite literally strangling one another, lol. Not funny at the time, but man do they nail one another every single minute of the day.

His thing lately with her has been constantly reminding her that she cannot read when she tries so that she gets upset and stops trying altogether, then he giggles for about half an hour... all of a sudden after that, he decides to be nice to her, and will offer to read her the book. Once he starts, she will try to chime in and he will remind her again that she cannot read and make her all sad again.

This all started when she was trying to recite "Green Eggs and Ham" about a year ago... she said "I do not like green eggs and ham, I do not like them-damn damn damn!" Ever since then it's been an on/off nit picking thing, but it's gotten a LOT worse lately. He used to do it to be funny, now he does it to make her cry.

You just wait, she's going to teach herself to read just to spite him...

That is absolutely priceless!

When one of my kids got off on one of their obsession-lectures I would put up with it until I had had enough, and just tell them "OK, that's all I can take, time to stop for a while!" It works pretty well, and no hard feelings. They knew that not everybody was as crazy about (whatever) as they were and I never implied to them that their interests were stupid. They area all grown now, but I still sit through the occasional recitation of movie dialog, LOL.

lol. I don't think I am too terrible when I finally say something... it's usually something like "okay... okay... OKAY! Now Zack, it's time to talk about something else for a little bit. okay... okay... OKAY?" lol

I occasionally have to tell my son that I'm not interested in one of his special interests, and could he please stop lecturing me on it for a bit. He's finally got the idea, when I said, "you know how you feel when I start discussing consonant drift in European languages, and the derivation of common nouns?" "Oh yeah," he replied, the penny finally dropping. "I get it, you're bored past tears."

He came home from school yesterday complaining of a headache, with a red mark on his forehead, and when I asked him about it he said he'd had an accident at school. I quizzed him further, and he said his head got hit against a desk a few times. I asked, "did someone bang your head on the table," he replied "yes." "Who?" "Well," he shrugged, "it was me. The kids on my table were too loud and I wanted to make the noise go away."

As you can imagine, I'm talking to the school today, asking if they're any nearer getting him the ear plugs they promised. At least as an auty Mum, I know exactly how he feels.

anxiety25... I think you should set aside some time for just you and your daughter, not just reading time together, but also "mum and daughter" time, to counteract your son's bullying. It doesn't have to be long, just ten minutes a day when you her feel really good, or clever, or pretty, without someone chipping away at her self esteem.

I know it's very hard, and I hope you don't mind the suggestion.

I would also very clearly tell your son, next time he makes his sister cry, that nobody likes a bully, and send him to his room. (Again, I know with an auty kid this isn't easy.)

I'm afraid when I was a kid I was that bully to my little brother, because I'd been reading since I was three, and I honestly did think he was stupid because he couldn't do anything academic as well as me. My parents response probably saved my brother from a lifetime of misery... they refused to let me read to him, "until I could act like a grown up, and stop picking on him."

It took a little time, but later on I do remember my brother asking me to read to him, curling up next to me on the back seat of the car and falling asleep on a camping trip.

I was really very nasty to my little brother, but my parents managed to salvage the situation by the methods I've suggested. I hope it works with your kids.