Mental health deteriorating.. Ruminating.. Help!

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Diagnosed at 47 that's 3 years ago..

Really struggling atm with interpersonal family stuff..

My brother gets lots of family support and acceptance because he's got outward symptoms, and he uses them to effect - he's got it 'all on a plate' (like lifelong assurance of somewhere to live has been generated..) whilst I'm constantly frantic and in panic mode (I am and reliant on state support to maintain private renting and avoid homelessness). So they consider him favourably, whereas I'm 'a problem'... because I get moody and anxious about the prospect of, y'know... dying and stuff and they don't seem to care

My father mocks me if I dare mention Aspergers ("nyah nyah nyah.. 'I've got Aspergers'.") <- that's him mimicking and taking the piss. He's well off and has had good health all his life, but acts like he's had it tough... doesn't lift a finger to help me, acts as if I am NT and likes to wind me up about my dire situation..

On my mums side she's starting to accept, but she has other MH issues and I can't really talk to her either (1 minute discussing anything it's like "you are going on and on") , and I'm constantly getting 'you must try harder' (whilst I'm burning myself out trying my hardest.. and doing what voluntary work I can manage.. whilst my brother is sitting around watching netflix all day and not being encouraged to do anything)..

This might read like I'm competing/jealous of my brother but I'm not, it's the disparity in the way my parents treat us, particularly my father ... amounts to gaslighting... Been struggling to come to terms with my diagnosis, and the lack of acceptance, combined with serious physical health issues combined with never ending anxiety over how I'm going to survive, ...

I ruminate... Do you ruminate??

"Just think about something else" is what my mother angrily tells me. "Talk to someone else". But - "infleixble thinking" is part of my diagnosis!! My brain returns to the same issues... and the interpersonal family stuff is undermining my mental health (again.. actually it's a persistent theme.. I've been in poverty/destitute for 30 years.. but when it's bad I get suicidal)..

I don't know why I'm writing this really.. can anybody relate ?? Offer any words of advice??

I think it hard for all concerned when you have different disabilities under the same roof.

I solved that for myself by moving far away.

I have been coming to an understanding that my brother will always get a 'free pass' in life for reasons I will never know. I don't even bother mentioning my ASD, severe anxiety and severe depression diagnoses because they wouldn't accept it anyway and would consider it an excuse. Long story short, it all came to a head when I finally told my mother I was sick of my pathological liar brother's constant BS and pointed out how he lies in almost everything he says. Rather than accept reality, she gets angry at ME for daring to question his recent heroic tale (of pulling a dead child out of the water) by pointing out it was literally impossible and tells me she accepts his tale as 100% truth until I can "prove otherwise". I can't seem to convince my parents that I don't hate my brother, I just wish he would stop constantly lying about everything.

Next to the Dictionary under "ruminate" there is probably a picture of me. Even my professors in University pointed this out long before I knew what Autism was. I don't have any poverty issues (at least now thanks to my wife's resources) but I can definitely relate. I even told the last counsellor I saw that I always took comfort in knowing I could easily take my own life if things got too bad (in the past). I wish I could offer more except to say I know exactly where you are coming from.

You’ve seen the result of trying to share and offload your worries with family, so I’d be looking at doing far less of that. Sounds like you have your own place(correct me if I’m wrong), so maybe take a look at going along to a local autism support get-together/group OR set one up yourself by creating a meet-up near to your location. You could even organise that here on WP maybe... Others have done just that. You’ll almost always find others who are like-minded to talk to here on WP. Sometimes, you’ve just got to pick yourself up and find what you need. It doesn’t always come from those you’d expect it to, like family. Sometimes, you need to find your own “family/friends”, even if just online, if you can’t face the world sometimes. Hobbies and interests don’t have to be expensive, maybe you could join a walking group or just try to get yourself out regularly to enjoy the outdoors...

Some people make decisions about their kids from birth to about 2 years old. How you behave then may dictate how you are treated for the rest of your life. Since children of people with non-typical issues do not experience the same dischord of children with NT parents, you may have never faced this problem if either of your parents also suffered from what you have.

No, being an Aspie, you definitely would put more thought, and would re-assess your opinion on your children if you had any, and you would probably do so, and be able to do so, on a minute-by-minute basis. Many regular people do not have the mental capacity to do that, they can make a judgment on someone and NEVER change it. This is why you may feel like you have changed, but your parents still treat you the same. In my case, I always had good grades, but started misbehaving as a teen, and got yelled at for B's and C's. My brother had bad grades, and got encouraged when he got slightly better grades. This is a re-assessment but only one time, basically. I still get treated like the wimp I was my first 15 or so years life (I was treated like one as a kid, then was just apprehensive and overthought athletics) by my immediate family, but friends I made in college would never think that because I sought out chances to test my courage - to a dangerous degree. It does not mean your parents are treating you this way because they examined it as much as you examine topics, and then made a rational judgment on who you really are. They probably can't do that, or don't want to put in the effort, or it never occurred to them. That is how most people are. They don't really know "you" if "you" includes your condition. My dad is super successful, but if he woke up feeling like I do every morning, I think he would have driven off a bridge 40 years ago.

Distance would be my best advice. As hard and unfair as it is, they probably will never "get it" much less acknowledge what your reality is. I've been in a kinda similar situation, and unfortunately it is rare that they will ever be understand our experience or even recognize that our experience is different because there are not obvious signs. This has been one of the hardest experiences for me that it is just not recognized, much less acknowledged sometimes.

I absolutely tend to ruminate, but I recognize now it means something I need to work through, either on my own or with a therapist at times. One of the hardest things for me to realize over the years is that my experience is equally valid, and I don't have to justify my experiences or just being myself.

Ruminating only works if you have all the information you need and the situation has consistent logic. Human problems are seldom like that. I had an engineer friend tell me that he had three good children and one black sheep. I got to observe his kids while doing him some handyman favours, when they didn't know that I had their father's ear. What he had was three brats and one scapegoat who always got blamed successfully. The father could not be convinced.
You might like the AA prayer:
Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change what I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
If you accept injustice, at least it stops robbing you daily, and you have a chance of thinking about something else, where the odds may be in your favour. Sh_t happens rather randomly.