Feeling Sorry for Myself (for being Aspie-ish)

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Sorry, this will be a rant and probably more emotional than necessary cuz I'm coming on my period and all.

Anyway, my friends that I haven't seen in a long time threw a big beach party today. I was anxious about it all week cuz it's simply too hot and the idea of spending several hours in 90 degree heat, having to chat with over 100 people and not being able to drink alcohol as a social lubricant due to the heat is like hell to me.

So anyway I told my friend this morning I wouldn't be going but I really wanted to hang out with them after (indoors somewhere). I sat around in my house all day waiting for her to text back. When she did she said everyone was too tired to go out anywhere but that the party had been SO fun etc.

I started feeling really sad, like why do I have to be this way? Why can't I just be like everyone else and have been able to go to the beach party and enjoyed myself?

Besides that my mom is ill with depression right now and these are the friends I wanted to talk about this with. I feel like I have no one I can talk to, or anyone who would wanna listen. I used to hang out a lot with these particular people and now there is just a distance between us. Or maybe it's just me. It just always feels like I am on the outside looking in on everyone else and their normal lives...

Sometimes I just have to keep things very simple:

"I did not spend the day in what would have been 'like hell to me'";
"People who did now say they are too tired to go out anywhere."
"That means they are dehydrated and sunburned and whatever else."
"I had an okay day by myself even though I missed having them in it."

Thanks for the kind words

But I didn't have a good day. Instead I cried. I needed to get outta the house so I went to the convenience store, got some alcohol and sat outside of my apt. complex on a swing listening to my Ipod. I'm sure all the tenants passing by thought I was crazy, a 30 yr. old girl swinging by herself 8 at night.

I do understand. My neighbors know me as the old man who comes out and sits in the carport for a smoke, then just goes back inside.

Haha Yeah, I think I'll be going out to the little park more often.

The way I tend to look at things like that, is basically to go "Okay, well if I feel bad I feel bad, but if I feel sorry for myself I feel bad about feeling bad, which is even worse." And then just tell my head to shut up and distracting myself any time it comes out with a thought that's about feeling bad about feeling bad, instead of just feeling bad.

This hurts my head But I think I know what you are getting at. I always feel bad for myself though.

Meaning to be gentle here, think about this a little further:

"I did not spend the day in what would have been 'like hell to me'";
"Other people did and are now dehydrated and sunburned, possibly hung over and whatever else."
"I feel bad about not having been able to spend some time with them, but at least I had enough sense to not spend another day in 'hell'."

At least for myself, the cost of keeping company with "everyone else" is often just too high.

That does not resolve my dilemma of sometimes feeling so alone, of course, but at least I no longer do foolish stuff that can really only make matters worse.

I've done this countless times. People have invited me places -- usually in a group but it happens with people I might be friends with but not know super well or people I haven't seen in awhile - - and I'll say yes, stress about it for awhile and then end up not doing anything with them. I think it's the fact that I was planning on doing something that makes me feel bad in the long run.

I do have to say, though, that the heat would have made me do the exact same thing as you did. I"m so sorry you ended up having a bad day, I really know how that feels.

It makes me sad too and I feel eventually they will give up asking. I can't force myself to do things that will be torture. I accept myself enough to stop picking on myself for not being like other people. I feel left behind when they give up but I haven't quit them, they quit me. They know who I am and if they were honestly interested in my friendship they would meet me where I exist. I can't help it. We live in a time when everyone walks around with lists they show each other. People are judged by how big or fun or exciting are the stuff on their lists. Conversations between normal people are focused on where did you go, what did you do or do you do this, do that, like everyday has no value without doing 'something'. I'm not ashamed anymore that 99% of the time my answer to that is I'm just doing what I'm always doing. There isn't anything interesting to the masses to report. Sometimes my family or close friends surprise me and ask, what's got your interest? It isn't often but at least they understand it is how I live this life. This life is about liking yourself, enjoying the hours of your day, turn off what the world defines as a full life.

I managed to keep a large social circle for a time by having weekly coffee dates with the individual people involved (Aspies are always better one-on-one.) Invite each of the people you were wanting to talk to at the party to do something with you this week--dinner, a movie, thrift shopping, whatever you both like to do--and tell them you're looking forward to getting caught up with them.

In some ways I pride myself for being the weird guy on the block.

No need to apologize or feel bad for yourself wanting to spend a quiet evening alone, away from things which drive you nuts. Who wouldn't want to do that, frankly?

Thanks for understanding, guys. I'm glad there are some people in the world who can empathize with me!

I'm over it now, but I have been feeling a little down lately cuz of my mom and I haven't socialized outside of the house in about a month. I don't wanna ask my friends to hang out cuz they are all busy all of the time with their own lives.

I think you need to get out a bit, if you're feeling lonely and want to see your friends. Why not contact them and try to make some time to go out for coffee (or something similar) with one or two of them? That is so much easier than trying to survive a party; and involves less time commitment on their part.

I just talked to my roomie about it and she said she is feeling sort of the same. She said we should go out this weekend and do something

Just do not sit around doing nothing until then ...