Aspergers x2

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I have aspergers. That obviously presents a number of social struggles for me. Very recently, I started dating someone who also has some of the symptoms of aspergers.

We began as friends from school. We can talk about our major just fine, no problems. We can also talk online without any problems. But when we see each other in person, there seems to be an awkwardness. For example, even as friends, I would get one or two word responses to questions like how are you. Then there would be dead silence. When I try to make small talk, still just short responses. "What do you like to do when you're free?" "I don't know" <commence blank stare and head nodding>.

At first I thought it might be a problem on my end, but then I noticed the same thing when the friend was talking to someone else.

I pointed it out and found out that this was usual for this friend except when intoxicated.

The other person seems comfortable around me, but now that we are dating I need to figure out how to better communicate in spite of the difficult this person has with social skills (and my own problems in that area).

PLEASE RESPOND. BUT ONLY IF YOU HAVE ADVISE. SAYING I UNDERSTAND DOESN'T HELP. HAHA

I had this problem with my ex. I found talking absolute gibberish works.

When the conversations started to stall we'd go abstract and talk silly rubbish until we found more common ground.

We split up years ago but having known him for 20 years our conversations are still limited and always end up on what gigs we've been to.

From watching socially successful people, I've realised in general they talk about the same few things over and over, recycle the same topics and stories... In a romantic relationship that doesn't really work (someone please tell my current bf this!) but I don't think that's necessarily a problem only aspies have.

Why don't you try getting your friend to talk about his/her special interests? Ask them to explain it to you.

I've also found that the more experiences you share, the more you will have to talk about. Find things you can do together - museums, movies, putt-putt, whatever. Not only will it give you time together, but it will give you fodder for future conversations.

It may not actually be aspergers for the other person. Maybe just really bad social skills.

In any case, keep the suggestions coming.

Don't do small talk. For me (with about the same small talk skills as your date), I'll answer the questions as shortly & evasively as possible until the person changes topic or leaves. It's automated. I don't want to tell random people about myself, nor do I want to know about them. Go for proper conversation or gibberish. How you word things might matter too - "what do you want for dinner?" I usually can't reply to, but "what do you want for dinner that uses <ingredient>?" I can. And sometimes it can be better to stay silent than try to start a conversation.

I don't get it. Since both of you don't like small talk, then why are you doing it. Just launch right into the topic of the conversation.
Since you know the person and are not a stranger, why is it necessary to do the whole small talk thing. Both of you are hating it.

Since you have talked online, you probably know what are interesting topics, just go for it. This will probably start a conversation if you start talking about someone else favorite topic.

"What do you like to do when you're free?" actually "I don't know" would be my answer too.
How about instead "what would you like to do now?"

Jackbus01, what conversation should we have. Other than our major and future careers, we don't know what to talk about. Which is the exact problem. We can't talk about just that.

We've talked online, yes, but its always about the same thing. Plus, neither one of us are expected to give an immediate reply over the internet (like within a second). And, the issue of reading facial expressions isn't there.

So my issuue is, I need you guys to help work through some potential solutions.

This may sound strange, but just pick something in your immediate environment as a topic, whatever comes to mind.
and run with it.

I can usually get about a paragraph or two worth each time, but then again I am pretty verbose. Usually the response from other person reminds me of something else and keep going. It is like web surfing, follow the hyperlinks.

Here is a real life example, and I truly made this up right now!
I'm drinking some diet pepsi right now, have you ever noticed that soda comes in strange sizes. There is 12oz can, 20oz bottle, 2liter bottles. Do you know why they have metric and us sizes together, isn't that strange? Which reminds me why do they call it "diet" when you may not be on a diet? Hey that reminds me of the time someone came up to me and saw me drinking out of two bottles and said that it isn't "diet" when I had two of them, what do you suppose that means. Do you know what the ingredients are in this thing, which reminds me this thing has aspartame in it. Do you any thoughts on the aspartame controversy?...

I need to pause so I am not doing a monolog. I tend to ramble. My biggest problem is letting the other person get a word in edge-wise.

BTW I tried to make this as realistic as possible, it is just an example since I was drinking some diet pepsi.
just pick something in your immediate environment as a topic

It sounds dumb but it is more interesting then the, "how are you, i'm fine" stuff.
Hey, would you like to talk to someone like me?

(deleted the unnecessary over explanation of why I do this and cutting straight to the tip.)

I sometimes will make mental (or actual) lists of interesting events or observations during the day that I can use later for those times when the conversations lags.

For instance, a coworker told me about the website: Damn You Auto Correect. I find it very funny, though admittedly not for everyone. But I knew it was something my husband would enjoy. So instead of texting him immediately, I saved it for when we were out at the restaurant that night to bring it up.

Skepkat, I do that as well sometimes, but I think I should do it more.

Jackbus01, that works sometimes. However, sometimes even things in the enviornment aren't really appropriate to talk about. It could seem to random/ADDish. But I do appreciate the suggestion.

[b]KEEP THE SUGGESTIONS COMING GUYS.[/b]

[b]Any more advise[i][u]

Forget about the so-called 'forbidden' topics of discussion, ie: sex, politics, religion, etc. Bring those up randomly, like "I recently just learned that there's another form of agnosticism called Ignosticism. Have you heard about it before?" and then wait for a reply, usually the other person will either just say yes/no and let you continue speaking, or they may bring up something else related. Just follow your train of thought and go with the flow really. Talk about what got you interested in your careers maybe, or why you chose such career.

Sound like matter and antimatter. If you can control the reaction, it it's gonna be one hell of a ride. If you can't then it will be one hell of an explosion.

Ok, since we are talking about conversations, perhaps you can help me. In your opinion what is wrong with picking random things in your environment and going on about them? Usually it gives someone else the chance to jump in the conversation or they will change the subject to something they want to talk about.
(There I go again trying to start a conversation!)