Again with the sensory issues ...

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I think I underestimate my issues. I'm usually oblivious but when I'm in a crowded supermarket freaking out, it's apparent. Or when I start paying attention to the things I do and say and how I react.

Sounds like heaven. I REALLY need to unplug for awhile. But I can't. So i try to manage my stress, to varying levels of success



Guilty as charged. This is probably not a good thing. I went too long without answers and now I have a voracious appetite for information. It's a two edged sword. I need to focus on my day to day tasks more and less on autism but autism is the elephant in the room right now and it is REALLY HUNGRY.



I just shut down. Never any physical pain. I just disengage. I suspect this is a learned response related to childhood abuse. Any outwardly visible response that could be perceived as acting out in any manner was quickly punished. I was one of those kids that strangers would walk up to and tell my mother I was a well behave little angel. A terrified one was more accurate. For a long time I thought I might have a dissociative disorder because I am so good at shutting down. But there is never any complete detachment or fugues. I just shut down and wait it out. Of course that might explain why sometimes I feel like I want to crawl under a desk or something. I go to a "quiet place" in my mind. Almost like I'm humming or stimming but doing it in my head.

Feeding the ELEPHANT is exactly what my shrink warned me to stay away from doing. He cautioned me that the elephant will be fed but cannot digest too much in 24 hours. The Elephant needs time to digest so my job is to rely on old ways and only work on new ways as he and I explore the new ways. The point here is that we need to learn to feel comfortable with who we were and who we are now instead of forcing ourselves into some new place. It will happen and now that we have this new awareness, it isn't like we will ever go back to the old ways and stay there. We have a lot of growing to but just like a child growing to an adult, we cannot rush it too much. You cannot give a 4-year old lessons 24/7 and expect him to be an 18 year old in a year.

Are you still in therapy? Perhaps you can work with your guy on best ways to absorb the label as I am doing? I think that it might be prudent for us to do when DX'd.

Once noise reaches the physical pain stage, it is impossible for me to do anything that resembles relax or "shut down". I have to get away and soon. My parents always said that I would go to my "happy place" (inside my head)when they drug me to some stupid environment. Last time my Mom and sister came to visit me in Portland all they wanted to do is shop, so I wandered around with them in my head the whole day. (drove them nuts because it takes a long while for me to come out of it and talk to them) I can still go to my "happy place" in many situations. Like you, I got punished severely for any sort of acting out so I learned to leave the environment in my mind. That said, I still will get so confused when I walk into stores that I can do nothing more than stand in one place for several minutes (or longer) until I can process all the things around me. (the sights, sounds, smells, etc..) It took me 4-5 sessions with my first shrink to process his office due to him having so much stuff in there. It is nice to know (finally) why this happens to me sometimes.

Last edited by kfisherx on 23 Mar 2011, 4:25 pm, edited 2 times in total.

This is definitely true. I never thought I had sensory issues before I started researching AS. But now that I think about it, I do find myself wishing I had sunglasses all the time, There are at least 10 shirts in my closet I will not wear because they're uncomfortable, and I can't hear anybody when there's other sounds going on, and I've always been a picky eater. Although this isn't so much of a sensory issue, I didn't notice just how much I hate unexpected changes in my day until now. "Systematic? What makes you say that? I don't need to have a routine... what the heck do you mean that there's been a change in plans? Why didn't you tell me that yesterday?"

And yes, something about the sound of the beach is extremely calming. I sure wish I could go surfing right now, but its only march and the water is too cold.

This makes a lot of sense. I hope I don't sound too pathetic, but the problem is that my old coping mechanism really aren't that effective.So I can feed the elephant or I can thrash about. Not really a good option either way.





How did you shrink them down and get them in?

Yeah, that is how I feel too but it isn't really true. Even if you don't love your life right now, you made it this far and you are far better off than many who have ASD. So you CAN make it. It isn't ideal but neither is most peoples' life. Just trust that the changes will come, accept the fact that you cannot rush it beyond a certain point and relax. Focus on another obsession if you can. I have been finding great peace in my classical guitar again lately. I am starting another computer programming thing. Instead of focusing on me and ASD, I am working in the community and advocating for others who are more grossly affected. My point is to keep yourself occupied otherwise and allot just 1-2 hours a day to this subject. It will obviously be in your mind and thoughts outside of that time but try not to sit around and brood or hit the refresh button on this board 100 times a day. Set a timer or do whatever other trick you need to do to pull yourself away. These are things I am doing to keep from feeding the Elephant right now and they are working very effectively. I am taking this day by day.



Was this a joke? Sorry but I missed it if it was...

You said :



I pictured you wandering around the mall with a tiny mom and sister bouncing around in your cranium. No doubt you meant that you wandered around all day with them, lost in your thoughts. But the literal meaning was funny. To me at least.

Never mind.

Who's literal meaning are we talking about here? Yes, that is what I meant and could not read it the other way until you extrapolated it for me from your perspective. See how I work? If I have a meaning for a sentence then EVERYONE must have that same meaning.

I'm actually a little amused how your literal meaning and my literal meaning have collided. Doesn't even matter what we meant any more, just that we collided. Definitely an aspie event.

I spend a lot of time reading and talking about autism, but to be honest, I actually love doing it.

I am probably the least broody I have been in a long time. Mostly I'm trying to understand and fit all the pieces together. I may be trying too hard, but it's not like I have a lot of things to fill my days with. Most of my socializing is online (and the five or six other topics I also discuss get attention too).

I do seem to slip between easily accepting it and occasionally having trouble seeing it, but the latter happens less and less frequently. I am not upset or angry about it, and in fact I find that knowing about it is fairly positive because whether I know it's there or not, it'll still be there. At least knowing, I can deal with it and develop more effective (and less draining/frustrating) coping mechanisms.

I am not happy about the problems being autistic causes me, but I do want to understand them.

Right now, autism is one of my special interests, with all that entails.