Are Aspies "thin-skinned"?

Post Reply New Topic

^^^ once the yelling starts, all bets are off.

i bruise very easily.

Yes, I'm not surprised that other Aspies are. We are sensitive folk.

I'm thin skinned too.
Criticism is very hurtful, unless it's phrased as an idea to improve things in a non-angry manner. Though one could blame emotional abuse rather than aspieness for this.

I can be very thin-skinned, but a few things help me avoid it as much as possible.

I've noticed that when certain subjects or criticisms are thrown at me I get very angry and defensive and it's almost always considered over reacting to those that do it. I have recently also noticed that it has more to do with the type of person that says it, and how good or bad my day has gone thus far. There are certain personalities that I've found I clash with very easily, and they are very common ones (about 1 and 10 people I come across). If someone I can relate to more or that I actually get along with says the same thing, I don't get defensive. Unless I'm getting screamed at or on the verge of a meltdown, then all bets are off.

Criticism can be constructive or destructive. If it's constructive I usually can take it quite well. Or at least I try to. I see it as a possibility to learn and progress especially at work. It's much harder if people criticize something that I can't change. I can get really emotional or defensive then but I'm trying to work on it. I'm just trying to remind myself that it's no one's fault that I can't do certain things and people are just trying to help.
Destructive criticism really annoys me. I can get pretty angry when people say that something about me or about what I do is wrong but don't bother to give any advice on how to change it. I mean if you're so smart to criticize something then be smart enough to offer a possible solution or advice. If you can't come up with one then better keep your opinion to yourself.

Good replies so far...well, that's where it's a bit of a paradox isn't it, people stereotypically describe us Aspies as being like Mr. Spock, but if Mr. Spock were being berated or shamed about something, he wouldn't ruminate on it or get tearful.

Funny thing was, after my diagnosis in 2001, I became more thick-skinned, just thinking it was other peoples' ignorance about me; though about 5 years later, I regressed into becoming more sensitive because of some unsavoury moments with other people.

I can also remember being too thick-skinned to the point where I was mocked for it, in my early teens. A couple of yahoos would obliquely mock me about the way I spoke, sarcasm etc, so I just ignored it or made some remark like "ok, if you say so." One murmured to the other "he doesn't know that we're making fun of him". I replied back, "oh, I know, I just don't care." (which was true, I did manage to pick up on the fact they were subtly ridiculing me. But most of the time, I'm sure it escaped me.)

And you know what? Those 2 yahoos probably snickered among themselves "what a weirdo, he doesn't even care about how he comes across" nope, not where you guys are concerned...your opinion ain't binding on my future, go f$%^ yourselves.

Yes I think that´s often the case.

I am thin-skinned as well, though not as much as, say, a year ago.

I've started to recognise that the opinions of others don't matter, which has helped me along in the sense of speaking out more openly (like on here, for example - not to say that everything I say on here is necessarily subject to criticism). This also means that I can be more myself, and not care about what others think or be obliged to be the same as everyone else.

Yes I am fairly thin-skinned but this heavily revolves over my tendency to blame myself too much. Like if someone gets mad at me, its because I drove them to get mad at me. It comes from not knowing what Im doing, lack of tactfulness. Like if I feel someones trying to be superior to me, its because Im acting like a baby. You know the feeling when you know you hurt someone or your at fault for something going wrong, you know how awful it feels. For me, I feel it almost all the time for the smallest things. Oh that person doesnt like me, its because I wasnt being friendly towards them.

As for friendly teasing and mocking which can involve insults at times, I dont have a problem with that. Ive had friends that do that all the time. I had a friend who joked around a lot and some of the jokes were pretty outragenous so Im very desensatized friendly teasing and being picked on.

I think other then what I stated above, Im not thin skinned fortunetly but when I was younger I used to be very sensative and thin-skinned mainly cause I didnt understand the literalness of other peoples statements. During the last few yrs, I have developed a thicker skin because I feel its nessary to survive the world. You aint getting that far in life if your sensative.

I can still remember back in the 90s, still in my late teens, when I misinterpreted some instruction from my nasty stepmom and she got really pissed. I told her I'm trying, please don't get upset - but that just made her angrier, and I'll never forget what she told me:

"Well, you either get a better brain, or get a thicker skin. Because this isn't going to disappear if you keep going this way in life."

This was years before my diagnosis, so I thought, "what way??" It made no sense, I wasn't going out of my way to cause trouble, I just had some sort of struggle they thought was "a form of ADHD". I remember secretly crying for nights on end about it, just not knowing what to do. Eventually my behaviour improved through greater awareness, diagnosis, and got a thicker skin too realizing that other people can just be ignorant, so that gap got narrowed. I'm glad that I didn't have to suffer the same reactions over the course of the next decade and a half or so.

Wow. I must be a thick-skinned exception - I won't even take a punch to the face personally. Maybe because people have always treated me roughly? Who knows. I did however break it down into blocks once, and decide that the actions of others had only the power I allowed them to have. It was me behind the proverbial wheel, so my reactions (or lack thereof) were all down to my control. If I understood and observed the chain reaction, I could easily stop it. This approach worked very successfully recently with someone who used to upset me as a child - as an adult, I simply decided her actions had no power and my reactions were my own, and since then, she is incapable of upsetting me at all. And she is the only person who ever really upset me.
As for criticism, I actually like criticism as I'm obsessive about improvement and I believe constructive criticism is valuable to bettering oneself. Destructive criticism, however, usually leads me more toward dismissal. Maybe I'm Mr. Spock after all.

Like many of the other posters, I'm also thin-skinned. Sensitive to whatever people say to me, I'm not very good at accepting criticism, "constructive" or otherwise.

Well, like I alluded to earlier, I think a lot of our thin-skinned-ness comes from not being able to separate criticism directed at our AS manifestations, versus criticism intended to belittle. Or, sometimes, it may just be criticism based on things that have nothing to do with our AS, but I'm guessing this is only a very small fraction of the time

At least NT's have the luxury of knowing that when they are criticized, the criticism is not motivated by the manifestation of a medical condition, so they can shrug it off like, yeah, whatever...

This seems to have become an improptu thin/thick skinned survey. I must cast my lot with just-lou. When it becomes obvious that someone is trying to push my buttons to get a rise out of me, the value of their words drops significantly. Of course I have been a submariner where one of the great passtimes is pushing people's buttons. I had sufficient stoicism that people made themselves angry trying to get me angry.

yeah i guess i do have thick skin. its something i've developed over the years through constant bullying. i can't realy tell if its a wall ive put up to keep peoples comments out or to keep the feelings they cause/ed deep inside. sometimes i remember things that were said at different points in time and they still hurt like old scars. whilst things do not get to me so much nowadays there are still some things that bug me like when my sister remembers that i "have that thing" and calls me a ret*d or when she mimics the funny way i walk when demonstrating why people at high school picked on me or when my dad says i have no feelings, although that doesn't hurt it makes me feel numb. i don't even respect these people or their opinions, it makes no sense that what they say should get to me but they do. otherwise i can take a joke- i do know when it is in fun. i mock myself all the time.