Do Aspies attract other aspies?
Hi everyone, this is the first thread here I have made ever in the history of Lief. OK so....
I have a group of close friends and there are 6 of us including me. I have many more not so close friends (people I hang out with once or twice a week) as well. I suspect all of them of having Aspergers/ADHD (one of them has been diagnosed) and I am especially convinced that my best friend has it because he literally is a clone of my father (trust me, they are definitely not related) who has been diagnosed. This thread isn't to diagnose my friends though. I am wondering if anyone in WP has wondered if their friends are really NT's or if you somehow have a big group of friends who are autistic. I'm getting paranoid and thinking that everyone I've ever known is autistic.
Sorry if this is a stupid question in advance.
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Last edited by AriNecromare1213 on 23 Dec 2010, 10:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Unfortunately I don't know any Aspies besides myself. But it seems like Aspies should attract one another, since they both have to deal with some of the same things and would probably understand each other pretty easily as far as that goes. Along with Asperger's syndrome, I'm also diagnosed for bipolar disorder, and I seem to attract other bipolar people.
auntblabby
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By my anecdotal evidence I say no. While my parents and little brother have some AS traits, all of my friends (and I use friends in the AS sense, in NT it would be close friends) are quinticential (sp?) NTs.
I have a group of close friends and there are 6 of us including me. I have many more not so close friends (people I hang out with once or twice a week) as well. I suspect all of them of having Aspergers/ADHD (one of them has been diagnosed) and I am especially convinced that my best friend has it because he literally is a clone of my father (trust me, they are definitely not related) who has been diagnosed. This thread isn't to diagnose my friends though. I am wondering if anyone in WP has wondered if their friends are really NT's or if you somehow have a big group of friends who are autistic. I'm getting paranoid and thinking that everyone I've ever known is autistic.
Sorry if this is a stupid question in advance.
Aspies can attract NT or Autistic, either one, just like everyone else if they choose to be social. People in general tend to come in contact with a wide variety of individuals. It's just the act of being social and outgoing that attracts them. Who isn't drawn to someone who appears to be going out of their way to be friendly toward them?
I dont really know, I guess theoretically we would think that aspies attract one another. Im just thinking strictly from a numbers perspective. The amount of aspies there are is 1 in several hundred. I have yet to find a precise statistic on this(if u know 1, get me know). So every roughly one in several hundred people u meet is aspie. So what are truely the chances that u a bunch of aspies could randomly form a group of friends which isnt facilitated thru an autism/aspergers group, or some sorta disability group? Even if aspies might more so get long better with each other, every aspie u meet, doesnt automatically mean you'll be friends. Things can vary based on circumstances. So when people go on here go around saying, most of my friends are aspie or on the spectrum, I get heavily skeptical. How are u meeting your friends. Thru autism groups, online autism communities, or are u actually meeting them randomly? I guess in the end, a lot of us like to think that theirs a hell of a lot more autistics out their then their actually is. And we like to think that our good friends are undiagnosed aspie cause we get along with them so well. The reality of the situation is, theres a good possibility you may be dealing with a bunch of quirky NTs. Face it, not all NT's are socially savy individuals. Theres plenty of nerds, socially inept NTs out their too.
For instance, I made a new friend this past year who is a bit socially inept, kinda weird, and a very nerdy mathy person. So I suspected he mighta been undiagnosed AS. Later I came to the conclusion he wasnt because we had a serious conversation once. And I found out that he was very socially aware of what was going on around him, and he did some things socially on purpose. He's also socially conscience of what I was doing and admited that he thought I was weird too. So we both think each other is weird, ha ha. No wonder we get along.
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I'm not sure what type of people I attract, since I've never thought of it much (I should probably give that some thought!) but the people I get along with the best are more literal than not. Straightforward is always better. Of course, most people I know would be more NT. I get along best with people who can explain what they are talking about and don't need to rely on fear to make their point. Whatever that's called. I call it "not being a coward"
I think Aspies attract especially 3 types of people:
- other Aspies (as long as the personalities don't clash, which sometimes it does, rigid thinking being one of the "clash" reasons),
- very altruist NTs (the type who has the patience to accept you as you are, quirks and rigid thinking included)
- very manipulative NTs who just pretend to be your best friend (I'm not talking about a family emotional type of manipulation, I mean the type of guy/girl who make plans and use you for whatever and don't care about you)
My personal experience: my 2 best friends (one was going to school with me, and the other lived in the same town as my grandparents), one of them being Aspie and the other being the "generous" type NT. How they both were able to cope with me I will never know but I am grateful to have known them.
My favorite cousin, who I am pretty sure is on the spectrum. I have over 20 cousins (and don't feel like counting them right now lol) and we always end up hanging out and talking together even when there is about 20 of us around (there is nothing romantic, he is like a brother to me).
And I have met a few of the 3rd type, luckily I figured them out soon enough not to be caught in their "plans" too much.
I will add this 4th type, I always have been somewhat drawn to unconventional and/or eccentric people also, I suspect they are often more or less on the spectrum tho.
And a quote from Jerry Newport:
In case someone doesn't know, Jerry and Mary Newport were the inspiration for the movie Mozart and the Whale
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Last edited by Shadi2 on 24 Dec 2010, 1:07 am, edited 4 times in total.
My friend may be ADHD-PI. She's great fun to be around. Though she is a bit offensive at times. But we can talk about things like meltdowns and anxiety. Oh and she's also a bit of a sci-fi nerd like me.
I was at the group for people with disabilities and there was this guy there, a few years younger than me. I thought he had AS but it was hard to talk to him. So I don't think AS makes good attraction when thinking of dating someone.
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I don't think my friends have aspergers because I get along with them so well. I think they have it because they have a million and one quirks that I catch other people with aspergers having. Living in California I'd say the chances of me having a group of friends who are majority Aspie would be higher than many others'.
and I just reread the post. The statistic (1 in 100 people are aspergz) still wouldn't cover the amount of undiagnosed aspies there are, would it? :/
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Sometimes it feels like the world has blacklisted me...
In my opinion, definitely not. Some of them may not be "aspie enough" to get diagnosed tho, either Aspie or Astie, but it doesn't mean they are not somewhere on the spectrum, but with just not enough (and/or not the "required" ones) ASD "symptoms" to get the actual diagnosis.
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That's the way things come clear. All of a sudden. And then you realize how obvious they've been all along. ~Madeleine L'Engle
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