no personality no soul

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That is how i am and feel, not one social thought comes out of my mind or sentence that dosent sound ret*d. that is the truth, i dare not tell ppl i am autistic because that is one of the lowest forms of ppl on the scale of human life. I am a medium functioning autistic, i look normal but am not normal inside my brain, i can see me difference and am aware of the autism, unlike the blessed lower functioning who dont know anything is wrong with them, there is no cure, this is my life, my existance, a deep dark black hole,,

All the theropy ive done has not worked, all the reading and positive thinking ive done hasent really made a change, all the med use has done nothing good for me, autism services cost a fortune and i have no insurance.

I called to ask how much for social group, it was 250 for one hour. thats what i make in a week or work, working 6 days a week as a dishwasher,

no one ever calls me...i have no friends....only calls are from my parents sometimes..........

i see the world and all i see it myself, i am locked inside my mind by autism, autism means self in latin.

Autism doesn't mean anything in Latin, auto means self in Latin.

Autistic people are not lower forms of life, get that silly idea out of your head. And you can't say the lower functioning are blessed, there is no way for you to know if they are blissfully unaware or not. Not a social thought comes to your head that doesn't sound ret*d, so what?

People don't think autism is the lowest form of human. That is just your mind making it up. People like me for me and I admit it does take a lot of work. I stopped caring or putting social skills as my primary concern and sort of just did the best I could. I'm getting better and though I am semi-independent I'm still unemployed. I don't let it get me down. I'm working on my own way to make a career for myself. Meanwhile my special interest might get me a one-off job.

Socialising is not everything. It is full of so much drama and rules. I wish I didn't have to overhear it every morning.

It's tough when we can't communicate as effectively as we want to. I always mess up my words and I've just got to ignore it as others ignore it too. Low functioning people can be aware of their behaviour. The term can be insulting to them though.

You probably need to get your depression under control but if you really want something, go for it. I had a few years of trying to fit in socially. I had some success but I didn't really enjoy it.

You can't change who you are, but you can change your perception. Start enjoying you for you. I'm sure you have strengths. Focus on them.

Consciously deciding that the way you are born will determine your future actions from now on

Being unrealistic will cause you pain

A karma-less life
due to no actions and
no involvement with others
is considered an opportunity to find heaven

rolling in the mud with NT's may be fine
but they will not have you in mind
get over it

Well isn't this all doom and gloom. I'd like to point out that you failed to mention how intelligent you are. I have rather severe AS, so it's safe to say I'm on par with you. I can't have even basic social interaction and everything else that comes with that. Anyway, I make up for my absolute social ineptitude by being very clever, and it's a pattern that I've seen repeat in other aspies, it might also help if you do what I did and develop a profound hatred for the rest of humanity. That really helps actually. But hey, to each their own.