Learning to live

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*I don't know if this is the right place for this topic, as while plenty of my struggles when young came from having AS, some just came from having a bad start in life. So the mods should feel free to move it if necessary.*

I didn't enjoy life as a child as I spent most of my time between being hungry, getting beaten and other such playful shenanigans.

I hated my 20s as I had no family whatsoever and no support system so I spent my time trying to study while working very demanding and poorly paid physical jobs so I could eat once a day and not sleep in a ditch.

I got more stable in my 30s and went through the excruciating process of working my way through the anger and damage inflicted on me and trying to find out who I am.

I timidly started to learn how to live in my 40s, with a little help from others.

I started having fun with it in my 50s

I'm looking forward to see what's next.


When did you start living?

Wow, I'm sorry to hear. I'm glad you've started to have fun in life, shame you've gone so long without it though. My dad shares a similar story, he's 53 and was only just diagnosed 1.5 years ago. I'm 26, and haven't started to live or be happy yet, but I'm getting there. These years have taught me a lot of wisdom, which I wouldn't have otherwise. I can appreciate the little things in life where others are only focused on the "next big thing".

I hope you make the most of your life now, and can let go of the past.

Your struggles in your youth could very well prove extremely instructive.

This gives you instant "street-cred."

I'm glad you were able to transcend your youth, and to be productive in your 20's (even with one meal a day). It makes me think you were in some sort of agricultural work at that time.

I'm glad you realize that you don't have to use your past to color your present.

You make use of the Bright Colors of potential, instead.

Way to go.

Just because one has lived through Hell in the past, it does not mean that he has to revisit it today.

Your post has helped me, believe it or not.

Cheers, helloarchy, I wish both you and your father well. I've let go of the past, I couldn't have became content and even happy otherwise. My children were of great help.

City kid here Kraftie, so no agricultural work, I mostly broke my back in the harbour and wherever I could find people in need of moving around heavy stuff. I grew up in the system and they always told me I'll end up in jail or worse and I was determined to prove them wrong even if I died trying But I didn't want to do that for the rest of my life so I had to study too. Do you feel your life, imperfect as it is, got better as you aged?

I'm familiar with your struggles KagamineLen, and often wanted to post in your threads, but I felt humbled and didn't know what to say. I'm very glad if my story helped in any way, I think you'll find your way out of the darkness.


I haven't created this thread to complain though, quite the opposite. I know plenty of people here had terrible experiences as children and young people. I was curious if others too found a better place in life at an age they didn't expect.

It was horrible, horrible my first five years of life.

It got better between ages 5-10

Got worse between 10-15

Got better almost every year since then.

That means you were probably a Stevedore, right sir? Very backbreaking work. And was under the Mafia in NYC until quite recently.

Even amid my good times, there was some degree of struggle. But I learned, over the years, to handle it better (for the most part). There are times when I don't handle it so well, though.

Elegant term for what I would have called a dock-rat . Plenty of shoddy characters there too but nothing as fancy as the Mafia.


Welcome to the human condition, not a lot cookies over here.

I do eat shortbread cookies sometimes.

I don't remember who said "a bad childhood lasts a lifetime". It leaves a strong mark, I know, not necessarily as repeating the cycle as so many people think.

I started living 6 years ago at age 26, when I came out as transgender and started transitioning.

When I turned 18, I told myself: I'm a grown man. My childhood is my past. Life is a clean slate now.

It worked really well, for the most part.