Getting Diagnosed as a Parent: Fears

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I didn't sleep well last night. I recently decided to seek a diagnosis and yesterday I spend time finally putting together a folder that I've been working on to support my case. Once that was done, my mind naturally drifted to my next concern...being a parent.

Will a diagnosis put me on the radar or give reason for any form of child protection service to be involved? Is there a chance of that?

My autism (if that is the case) does not affect my parenting beyond the slightest amount. I am (if I say so myself) a fantastic parent. My daughter and I have the most incredible bond, she's absolutely thriving, she's my whole world. So many people that we meet quickly comment on how they wish they had my parenting skills. I'm not bragging - I'm stating fact to show that there is really nothing that anyone should be worried about with regards to her upbringing.

I also know that if I were struggling with any aspect, I'd be the first to seek help myself (and my husband would definitely act if he had concerns, too). She is everything to me and if I felt that anything I did would negatively affect her, I would absolutely make the changes required to fix that. The only issue that we have ever had is that my special interest can sometimes end up absorbing my attention a bit too much - I only let this happen when my husband is also around to give my daughter plenty of attention as well; when he's not around I've learned to adapt by trying to avoid being in the house, where it isn't a temptation, and by sitting on the floor so that I'm always at my daughter's level and she can easily get my attention at all times.

When I was pregnant I was asked how my childhood had been. I wasn't entirely truthful, because I knew I would be an excellent parent and I knew that I'd seek support if I needed it. Having any kind of support forced upon me, coming under scrutiny, being watched, would have absolutely destroyed me. So I just said 'Yeah, it was good' and we moved on.

Now I'm panicking. If I seek a diagnosis, explaining all of the hard and painful parts of my own childhood in however much detail, and describing the areas in which I struggle now, am I going to end up on someone's radar? Will I no longer be trusted to look after my own child without 'extra' care or support? Without being watched?

I have my appointment booked to ask about getting diagnosed, but last night I barely slept. I was tossing and turning all night, thinking about cancelling my appointment because, whilst I know that nobody would ever find any concerns surrounding my daughter, I'm afraid of our relationship being examined and that feeling of being 'watched' and not trusted.

Please can someone put my mind at ease, or at least tell me that this will happen so that I can rethink my desire for diagnosis? She comes first, always.

I have AS and four kids. I was diagnosed after my kids were born. As far as I know, CPS nor anyone knew about it. It was my private medical records and none of their business. My kids are grown now and I have a grandbaby. Nobody knows about my AS unless I tell them. My regular doctor didn't know until I told him and I only did that because I'm particular about meds, which some people are but I had to let him know about my AS so he would understad just how particular I am. He's cool with it.

Here, you have to sign a form so your doctor can see any other doctors records for you, so nobody knows anything without your permission.

My advice is keep it on a need to know basis. Unless your kids show signs themselves don't even mention it to your pediatrician. People get the wrong idea at times and while I'm not concerned about the jack booted government thugs bothering me because of it, I do despise being talked down to, which can happen when you tell someone.

All the DX did for me was help me understand some of my issues which I had learned to handle years before.

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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
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The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

Unless your childrens needs are not being meet, you will be fine You should like a great mum and have nothing to worry about. If school had any issues, they would contact external parties - same as they would for any pupil. Having Autism does not make you a weak parent Be honest with yourself and be who you are. Good luck over the next few months.

Thank you both. That's really helpful.

I tend to spiral into 'worst case scenario' and I was convinced that my diagnosis would lead to some kind of intervention!

I don't intend to be hugely open about a diagnosis if I do get one. It's primarily for my understanding and my husband's, and I would tell a few friends in order to help them understand why I sometimes come across as a bit 'rude' in conversation, cutting people off or talking over them, and just to feel that I'm not hiding that part of myself around the first real friends that I've ever had. I definitely won't be shouting about it, so it's good to know that it's not going to create a situation where people start watching me more closely just because it's on my medical record. I want to better myself, not make things worse for myself!

People with Aspergers have the same rights as everyone else in society. Those with Asperger's are neither mentally ill nor ret*d. You can adopt, and for someone to stop you adopting based solely on Asperger's would be a violation of your human rights. As long as you meet the criteria of looking after a child, you are fine

Where do you live?

Maybe worth finding out if Autism Initiatives operate in your local area. They are a great organisation which offer fantastic support.

autisminitiatives.org

Whether you have Asperger's or not, you will still be the same parent.

People with Asperger's are parents just like everybody else. Just different.

Parents are usually different from each other anyway. One picks up the deficits of the other.

CPS will only remove a child from a parent due to a disability under two conditions:

* they have clear evidence that the child's needs aren't being met, or

* the child is a newborn and they have serious doubts that the parent will provide good care

I've heard of some newborns being removed when they probably didn't need to be, but a parent who already has older children and no signs of maltreatment is unlikely to lose custody. Plus, I'm not sure having the label would make a difference - plenty of kids get removed from parents who seem to have undiagnosed disabilities, because the parents couldn't take proper care of the child.

For example one boy I knew, his foster mother told me she suspected his biological mother had FASD because she seemed not to understand pretty basic things like that a baby needs to be fed multiple times every day. Apparently he didn't cry much as a baby and she assumed he wasn't hungry and didn't feed him for several days. He was removed as a tiny baby because he was starving. His biological mother, to my knowledge, has never been diagnosed. If she had, it might have improved her chances of keeping him, because she might have qualified for services that would teach her how to care for a baby.