"You need to come out of your shell" "Why are

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'Why are you so shy?"

If I hear one of these questions one more time I am going to scream. I'm sure some of you here hear these questions every so often, how do you deal? Do you just avoid people altogether? Make a witty remark? Attempt sarcasm?

Now to vent (maybe some of you can relate, dear flying spaghetti monster I hope I am not the only one)
Does it ever occur to people that not every single thought needs to be projected from ones mouth into the ears of others? Why are people so uncomfortable with silence, even momentarily? It especially bothers me when it's my relatives that asks these questions. I understand some people think they are "helping" with "bringing me out of my shell", but it just makes me feel as if others view me as flawed and broken. This is who I am. It pisses me off when people try to change me. It hurts me. It makes me feel as though no one will ever accept me for who I am.

I am actually quite content with myself and my ability to refrain from incessant inane jibber jabber 24/7. I often feel bad, as though I am bad company and boring the other person, no matter how hard I try to be sociable and chatty. (I try so hard though to "act" normal and to be good company, I really, really do. I just suck at small talk and being put on the spot. Then when I think I am doing good someone makes a comment and I feel self conscious again.)
Then I think about it and further avoid social interaction. Which as far as I know, is a necessary part of life. And it's a messed up circle of avoidance further leading to my slowly decaying social skills.

Can any of you relate? Any of you need to vent? How do you deal?

I had to get this off my chest. Don't know if I made any sense, but I know a lot of other aspies have trouble with social interaction and are accused of being too quiet/strange/odd/shy and I want to know how some of you deal.

Yeah NT's hate what they perceive to be akward silence. I was never bothered by silence when I'm sitting with other people, I'm much happier sitting there staring at the floor then being forced to interact with people I don't even really care about. That may sound like I'm a bad person but it's just the way I actually feel. I don't remember how many times kids used to ask me why I'm so shy. I hated it because I never had a good answer for it, this was before I knew about aspergers syndrome so I always had to respond with an "I don't know it's just the way I am."

I hate when people say I need to come out of my shell! Once someone tried to get me out of my shell by pretty much trying to force me into a social situation. (when people are at my house I'm usually by myself in the other room) She was drunk and wouldn't listen when I said no. she said shut up and come on and grabbed my arm and tried to pull me into the dining room where everyone else was. I got up, started walking so she'd let go, wen't straight through the dining room and straight to my room and locked the door.

Apparently she wasn't happy with that and banged on my door for a while, yelled "freak!" and gave up.

She apparently didn't remember this (very drunk), but my friends did. She didn't come over anymore.

I suggest you avoid people who make you feel uncomfortable. If you are meant to figure something out, you'll figure it out somehow, but being frightened/shamed into it has always backfired for me - it makes me much more likely to resist just on general principle.

I've been told I'm totally clueless about that kinda stuff.

I guess that she could have been drunk enough that she forgot she was there with her boyfriend...Lol

Yes, you pretty much described my situation. It is further complicated by my father, who is a chatty outgoing person. It is worse now that he is in his mid 80s because he has gotten a little hard of hearing, so if I do speak I either have to talk too loud for my comfort or repeat myself. Add to that that he is getting forgetful, as well, and will ask me the same things over again, sometimes during the same visit or phone call, but always each visit, because he can't seem to hold on to my answers from one visit to the next. I mean no offence to him, but I absolutely hate having to answer the same questions over and over again, especially to the same person over and over again. I know he doesn't mean it that way but it drives me nuts.

My younger brother's ex-girl friend used to drive me, my mother and my brother nuts. For a while he was working near where my mother and I were living at the time. His girl friend absolutely could not stand to be alone, so she would either make him drop her off at my mother's and my place for the day, or she would call us up and make us come to see her for the day. We could not make any plans of our own or had to drop them because of this. At one point she begged my brother for a dog, saying that the dog could keep her company. Well, he got a used, but nice dog, and she still would not stay home alone. So my brother had to drop both her and the dog at our place for the day, or we would go to their place for the day, and my mother would try to socialize with my brother's girl friend while I hung out with the dog, who felt neglected because the girl friend really didn't want a dog, she wanted people company, so she didn't pay much attention to the dog. It got so the dog thought we were coming to visit him when we went to their house. Eventually my brother and his girl friend broke up--no surprise. Her parents got custody of my little nephew, and my mother and I got custody of the dog.

It was hard for me to deal with the girl friend because she was a needy social person, and I am a non social introvert. But there I was, having to play games with her at our place, or drive my mother to their place, and having to socialize on an almost daily basis, when I don't like socializing. She was not a bad person, but we were not a match for socializing, any more than she and my brother were a match for a relationship. We really didn't have any thing in common, other than my brother and my nephew.

I am really not into social stuff. At family parties I have always tended to go off by myself, or hung out with the pets, or have just not attended.

This is probably a universal experience for anyone here. I certainly got it as both a child & an adult. My mother now just takes it in stride. She even told my girlfriend once " He can be quite a lot, but when he does say something, even if its said jokingly, he really MEANS what he says" which I still see as an admirable trait. Some people just blather & I start tuning them out..

Sincerely,
Matthew

I only talk if I have something to say. Does not help everyone around me talks about sports and music. Two things I know nothing about but I can spend hours talking about myths. Books and things I enjoy. I like my shell.

Every time I come out of my shell I just end up getting hurt.

Usually when one creature tries to get another to come out of its shell, he intends to eat it.

Turtles can get along with each other just fine.

For me it is not a "coming out of my shell" thing. What people perceive as shyness is simply my observing the social waters and attempting to calculate what is appropriate. That... and a propensity for staying home... Out is loud, and bright and filled with people...

I enjoy the activities one can go out to do... but I don't really like "going out."

People's interpretation of my behavior as shy is their loss.

Do you guys drink? Try drinking.