Are you an AS married to another AS?

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I started realizing lately that my hubby is an Aspie. His therapist disagree's because my husband "expressed emotion when our son was born" .... but I thought that sounded really weird (I think he should find a new therapist). Regardless, he's getting officially tested next week. Anyway...while I was doing research on him, it started becoming pretty obvious that I'm also most likely an Aspie as well. I took the "Aspie Quiz" and got a 129, it told me that it's very likely. I can't stand not officially knowing, so I'm being tested next week too. My question is...Are any of you Aspies married to another Aspie? Does this create marriage difficulties? I think that my hubby and I are having a lot of misunderstandings and miscommunications. Neither one of us seem to be able to express our feelings for each other in a way that the other can receive so we're both just feeling unloved and uncared for all the time, even though we know conceptually that it's not the case at all. Also, I think we're both finding each other to be really annoying. For example, he has to have things messy and I have to have things perfectly organized...so he's messing up my organization and I'm organizing his messes! Needless to say, things like this are making us both pretty anxious, and it's an issue. We really didn't know about AS until this week, so we were feeling pretty confused and hopeless about the whole thing up until now.


Also, I'm not sure what the "rules" are here...am I supposed to be politically correct about this? Can I use the term Aspie? My husbands been calling me a "burger" and I'm not sure if that's socially acceptable or not. It's making me so anxious because I know he has no filter, and he'll probably say it in public.

I am beginning to wonder about my husband, as well. Something is weird about him and it's gotten worse since our son was born. He stays home and takes care of DS all day because he can't seem to keep a job, even with an advanced degree. He likes to have things arranged in rigidly symmetrical patterns, has meltdowns when DS misbehaves and I can't get to him quickly enough, and gets disproportionaltely upset when he's interrupted in doing something he's really into. He also puts an extremely high value on honesty and honor. He has special interests, too, although he wouldn't see them as extreme. He's into ballet, although he doesn't dance anymore; tennis, golf, and cooking.

He's not socially awkward, though, or particularly shy. He's very charming when he wants to be, and he's really nice-looking. Not at all what you'd think of as a nerd.

I have suggested that my DH talk with a mental health professional, just for self-improvement, not hinting that I think there's anything wrong with him, but he's sort of a know-it-all and thinks he knows all about his own mental health. Also, he deeply mistrusts doctors.

Hi there: you called?
Aspie happily married to Aspie - 30 years this December!

I realized that I posted this in the wrong section - sorry about that!

Lady K - sorry to be slow to respond: yes, there is hope!

We had already been married 25 years before I was diagnosed, and my OH a year later: we were 'OK' by then (we had had our difficulties, not least the ones you describe: tidy v. untidy and all!), but the AS diagnoses were such an eye-opener and such a relief to both of us, nothing less than the providing of the missing pieces of each other's jigsaw puzzle. We wish we had known SO much earlier: that way we could have avoided so many inadvertent moments of treading on each other's psychological and/or emotional toes. Still we do know now!

Don't get me wrong, we still get it wrong sometimes: we are still two different people, including being Aspie in different (but overlapping) ways, but yes, there is hope! There is so much more I could say, and so much more obviously lying behind the message you posted. Still, I hope this helps as a starting conversation! Best wishes to both of you.