Talking too much or not enough
The worst thing about being quite is because I feel that social pressure to say something, to talk about anything. .
When i'm in that position , I rack my brain for something to say and all that's there are secrets or personal things I don't want to talk about about.
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Hypocrisy is the greatest luxury. Raise the double standard
The worst thing about being quite is because I feel that social pressure to say something, to talk about anything. .
When i'm in that position , I rack my brain for something to say and all that's there are secrets or personal things I don't want to talk about about.
Yeah I think the problem is that we don't like sharing personal things, neither gossiping about other people or similar things. So we have much less things to say.
The worst thing about being quite is because I feel that social pressure to say something, to talk about anything. .
When i'm in that position , I rack my brain for something to say and all that's there are secrets or personal things I don't want to talk about about.
Yeah I think the problem is that we don't like sharing personal things, neither gossiping about other people or similar things. So we have much less things to say.
I have been guilty of revealing secrets and too much personal silence just to come across as social then instantly regretting it and feeling bad about about my social inadequacies
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Hypocrisy is the greatest luxury. Raise the double standard
"Never been accused of talking too much , I usually say very little unless it's about a subject I know about and even then I try to be as succinct as possible"
some precious lil "people" told me "you're talking so much i can't hear myself think", or "you talk too much". some precious lil "people" told me "why are you so quiet?" and "she don't talk?" ("she" meant me).
and then they have the nerve to tell me "you sound/look like a girl/boy."
if you make it "succinct" then they act like you were curt. a former precious lil "friend" told me that her crush told her, that her crush saw me, at Trader Joe's, and i "blew him off."
okay.
wtf
so what if i did not want to drop everything, sit down, and have an entire conversation. not everyone feels it necessary to broadcast every thought and emotion going through his/her head.
big deal.
seriously though. sometimes though i would like to talk more. but precious lil "people" won't listen or hear. and then they don't understand. and they do not know that they do not understand, and they act like they understand. or the do not care. or they "care," but "care" means "to attend to" and "care" is not always positive. or they don't believe me. or they completely misconstrue what i was trying to say. including counselors. especially counselors. they make me wanna puke. they act like they know everything and they are morally superior. then they mishear things.
if you say something they like they say "cool". if you say something they do not like they say "why", as if they are putting up a facade that there is a good reason, but the reason you gave them ain't a good reason. then they half listen when you talk. and then they interrupt. at least one counselor did that. and then they grunt "huh" and "what" like "what" is the etiquette equivalent of "excuse me."
even counselors expect you to believe everything they say. even when what they say is completely ambiguous. vague. and subjective. just an opinion. and serves no functional purpose.
for example, the previous licensed clinical social worker had the nerve to interrupt me when i said a sentence that contained the word "dojo". and then she said "what?" when she interrupted me. instead she should've waited for me to finish talking. big deal. she was getting paid (and much more money than her services warranted. justified). to interact with me. so it's not like she was in a hurry to go anywhere anyways.
then she had the nerve to tell me that someone "stupid" can't make use of the community college. seriously what is that. that ain't the dictionary definition of "stupid".
and then she acted so innocent. like she was some angel. like she had never done anything wrong before.
I have been told I talk too much, by many people. I once had a boyfriend who later confessed that, initially, he was turned off by how much I rambled.
I think, as I grow older, I'm more aware that I talk an abnormal amount. There's also the issue that I use an abnormal amount of sarcasm and somehow turn everything into a joke. I'm not formally diagnosed yet, but I read an article the other day about "communicating with people with Autism," and it mentioned a couple parallels there.
I also feel pressure to talk, which is why I think I ramble... to fill any silent voids. I find myself feeling so overwhelmingly awkward when I'm with someone and everything is quiet. The last few years, I've been able to remind myself that quiet is fine and that people sit in silence with each other all the time... but it's weird to me and I'll usually end up rambling after a point.
auntblabby
Veteran
Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 113,758
Location: the island of defective toy santas
"I also feel pressure to talk, which is why I think I ramble... to fill any silent voids."
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exactly. when you do not talk, they act like you are curt and aloof. someone had the nerve to tell me "why are you so quiet?".
when you talk, they act like you are a public nuisance. the barber asked how old i was. i answered. a different barber had the nerve to tell me "shut up." (what?) i only answered b/c someone asked. and then when someone asks a question and i do not immediately answer, they have the nerve to ask "huh?".
The first time I noticed this in myself was when I was in high school. The teacher asked the class to say one thing no one else knew about us. I never kept secrets so I had a hard time thinking of something to say. Then it occurred to me that I had never kept secrets because I would speak my every train of thought to my family at home.
So I said, "I actually talk a lot at home."
Someone asked, "then why do you not talk at school?"
I thought about social rules and said, "because you are supposed to be listening and learning in school, not socializing," which made my teacher happy.
But, in college, I tried to give myself permission to socialize more with my classmates. During an interpersonal skills class, which I thought would be an easy class (how ironic), the teacher asked the class to write something that we wanted to say to each classmate on the paper that was taped to their back. All of my classmates wrote, "you have such insightful ideas, you should speak up more." I thought I had been.
_________________
31st of July, 2013
Diagnosed: Autism Spectrum Disorder, Auditory-Verbal Processing Speed Disorder, and Visual-Motor Processing Speed Disorder.
Weak Emerging Social Communicator (The Social Thinking-Social Communication Profile by Michelle Garcia Winner, Pamela Crooke and Stephanie Madrigal)
"I am silently correcting your grammar."
I thought about social rules and said, "because you are supposed to be listening and learning in school, not socializing," which made my teacher happy.
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part of going to school is learning how to get along with others.
hence groupwork.
hence groupwork.
By the time I had finished my education, including university, I had failed to learn how to "work in groups". One invalidating person was so adamant that this was impossible. I wish I had though, now that I know how much all employers demand it.
_________________
31st of July, 2013
Diagnosed: Autism Spectrum Disorder, Auditory-Verbal Processing Speed Disorder, and Visual-Motor Processing Speed Disorder.
Weak Emerging Social Communicator (The Social Thinking-Social Communication Profile by Michelle Garcia Winner, Pamela Crooke and Stephanie Madrigal)
"I am silently correcting your grammar."
Biscuitman
Veteran
Joined: 11 Mar 2013
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,665
Location: Dunking jammy dodgers
When at work I say almost nothing. I go through my day silently, hardly interacting with others at all and have become known as the silent (yet helpful and friendly) one in the office. My wife says when I get home it is sometimes like I have bottled up all these thoughts all day and need to let them out. She calls is verbal diarrhea and says others can't get a word in.
auntblabby
Veteran
Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 113,758
Location: the island of defective toy santas
Story of my life.
By the time I had finished my education, including university, I had failed to learn how to "work in groups". One invalidating person was so adamant that this was impossible. I wish I had though, now that I know how much all employers demand it.
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"One invalidating person"? i do not get it.
was that one person in every group you got assigned to, throughout k-12 and university?
yeah, precious lil "people" had the nerve to tell me "shut up". when i correctly told her that it was illegal for her to tape record me without written consent.
and i did not have the nerve to tell her "shut up". but she seriously would not shut up.
and now i feel ashamed. b/c, as usual, i was way too cowardly.
while other precious lil "people" had the nerve to tell me "say something" and "why are you so quiet".
seriously. it's like they want me to talk when they want me to talk. then stop when they want me to stop. and only say what they want.
they have big egoes.
"One invalidating person"? i do not get it.
Let me apologize and explain.
I was discussing my history with someone I met after I had graduated from university, had and lost a career level job, had and lost a service level job, had and lost a job opportunity, and then failed to even get any more job interviews. I tried to explain to them that I never learned how to "work in groups", that I even have selective mutism that detrimentally affects my ability to work with others.
He said that was impossible. I had to have been able to speak and work with others in order to pass and graduate from university. He then demanded that I speak to him (I was signing; my sister was interpreting) to prove I could speak. He was rude and invalidating.
_________________
31st of July, 2013
Diagnosed: Autism Spectrum Disorder, Auditory-Verbal Processing Speed Disorder, and Visual-Motor Processing Speed Disorder.
Weak Emerging Social Communicator (The Social Thinking-Social Communication Profile by Michelle Garcia Winner, Pamela Crooke and Stephanie Madrigal)
"I am silently correcting your grammar."
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