Experiment No.1 deliberately trying to be autistic.

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Experiment No.1 deliberately trying to be autistic.

Hi,

This is going to be a really long-butt text so I will go on and do not spell check it or otherwise I would go nuts reading and changing it over and over again which would change the spontaneous character of the post. So here we go.

Here: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp4946037.html&highlight=#4946037
I posted about how I (possibly) have always had AS and have tried to hard to fit in and have developed all these not so great coping mechanisms which all ended up driving me much more nuts that I already was to begin with. In short terms, I started over analyzing every single thing, being it the social situation I'm in or the facial expressions of people and it the spread to every and any aspect of my life. So my brain became so hyperactive it couldn't even function anymore basically. Not even the simplest tasks. And that got me a diagnosis of schizophrenia. So here you are with a short background information. Lets move to the real deal.

A short while after posting the post mentioned above, I thought what about stopping all these “coping mechanisms”. All the time, (subconsciously) I thought stopping the coping mechanisms would end up in a complete catastrophe. Like rendering me totally non-responsive to external stimuli. Sitting there like a plant smoking cigarettes all day long and not even answering when I'm being called by my name. So there I went and said OK lets give this s**t a try.

And guess what. My mind cleared up quite much and I realized something quite interesting. VERY interesting. First of all, I didn't much MORE non-responsive (or whatever) than before. But I realized, that I have ALWAYS BEEN the way I feared I could become if I stop over-analyzing (non-responsive to external stimuli. Sitting there like a plant smoking cigarettes all day long and not even answering when I'm being called by my name.) So whatever the F I was doing to my poor f-ing brain was completely futile.

But things have changed for me quite a bit since I have made this change. I'm not thinking or talking to myself (which was social training to me) all the time. And I'm not trying to read people's emotions. I was convinced before that I can read people's emotions very well before but now I know that I could do so maybe only 30% of the time and the rest was only confabulation (I made s**t up about how my mother might be feeling and believed in it). This part makes me profoundly sad. For me it feels like having lost on of my senses (like lets say sight) only that I only >believed< that I have this sense.

I have also noticed that I'm a very confused person ( I seriously need your feedback on this whether this is Asperger's-specific). If you ask me which day of the week we have I may or may not be ableto answer. Before the “trying-to-be-autistic-experiment” (TTBAE LOL) I was in total denial that i'm THIS confused about the world around me. Sure I complained very much about having the feeling of dissociation to my various docs which also contributed to the schizophrenia diagnosis. (I don't believe it's dissociation anymore).I dont have any sort of thinking disorder (my doc assured my of that) so this can't be the disorganization gound in SCH. Anyways. I'm literally living in my own world (or at least, you could also see it this way if you'd really like to). I never know the current date, month or sometimes I even get the year wrong (really). When I'm in the car (not driving of course , which would be a very dumb thing to do IMO) I wont realize where we are or in which direction we are driving. All possibly because I simply don't give a s**t. My awareness is basicaly limited to my body and maybe 5 cm beyond, not more. And if something catches my attention, I forget about anything else (where I am, who I am, whether it's mornings or evenings, what I was about to do, whether people are waiting for me etc. this happens to me particularly with singing)

There is also this new thing in my head. This new Mode. I call it the stand-by mode. I'm awake, doing something not really demanding, (taking shower, eating, smoking) and there is absolutely NOTHING on my mind, neither am I paying any attention to my surrounding. No daydreaming, nothing. Nill. Just like trance. This is completely new to me and I find it really enjoyable. But it sometimes renders me motionless and drowsy and it's hard to “wake myself up” from it.

Are these being mildly “confused” all the time (or just not caring about the date) and the latest thing I mentioned (stand-by mode) part of Asperger's?


OK I STFU it has become a really long post already.

Thanks for your patience

Hi Omid,

I see at the bottom of your post that you were previously diagnosed by an autism specialist, but then after he left other docs diagnosed you schizophrenic, but without a thinking disorder...no delusions, no hallucinations? Is that right? We have been reading and discussing schizoaffective (and other) diagnosis on other parts of the board lately, and I did check to make sure... A diagnosis of schizophrenia should rule out other disorders first. If there is a strong chance this is AS and not schizophrenia (and it sounds like it may be) you should ask for a second opinion. There are a lot of docs out there who jump to conclusions.

I don't know if what you are experiencing is AS or something else. I seem to get a milder version of symptoms you have (worse under stress) but I also seem to be able to focus and pull myself out of it to drive and interact with people in a way you can't. It's tiring. I lost my driver's license last year to "confusional stuff" and found out I had some things similar to epilepsy going on...but not epilepsy per se. It's controlled now and I have my license back. Getting that under control helped. Mild seizures can cause odd problems with focus and confusion, and can go unnoticed so you might ask for that to be checked?
I have also recently found a gluten free diet is helping in some surprising ways, and this article tells about how that can help schizophrenia even if you don't have a celiac/gluten problem, and mentions the same diet can help autism too. Maybe this is the reason the two get mistaken for one another so often in diagnosis?
http://celiacdisease.about.com/od/glute ... hrenia.htm.

I'm still not 100% sure if mine is AS or not. There is still a long list of other things it could be and I'd like to find out for sure. I'll be asking my Doc if we can find out. I started filling out paperwork already that I hope may help us sort me out. I hope some of this information helps you too.

Yeah, I was gonna say I have worse symptoms of schizophrenia than the OP. But I don't have a diagnoses. It could just be temporal lobe epilepsy + paranoia. I've heard of doctors diagnosing a type of anxiety as schizophrenia.

My coping mechanisms worked for me. I needed them, otherwise I'd have sensory overload, shutdowns and meltdowns daily. I once did. I didn't just study people to work them out but read about human behaviour and applied that knowledge to people I was studying.

As for thoughts, that always happens to me, when I'm doing next to nothing. It's not anxiety it's the brainwaves because of the state you're in. When you're relaxed and doing something repetitive you come up with ideas for things that have been bothering you for a long time. I have ADHD so without medication I'm never without thoughts, unless I had a seizure. But even then my thoughts don't want to stop. I like having many thoughts. I'd hate to see that part of me go. Good things can come from being distracted.

Anyway, glad it all worked out for you, and well these traits can be AS or some related disorder, or just a way of thinking.