Embarrassed to tell people i'm Aspergers?

Post Reply New Topic

Ok, so i got diagnosed with Aspergers (and ADHD).

But i'm really embarrassed that if I tell people they'll treat me different does this happen? :\

The only people who i've told is my Uni disability service, the psych said if i wanted to i don't have to tell anyone, but i'm just worried what reactions people will have to me if i tell them, will they treat me all creepy and like a baby or something

what are people like, is there a big stigma? do people think oh RAINMAN or i dunno

i have to do a work placement in a skool for 80hrs , part me thinks do i tell them i have "issues" or do i just do the usual look a complete anti-social rude weirdo like i have done most my life , it really gets to my self-esteem tho cos i don't wanna be how i am would people be understanding?

I don't know because I have never told anyone about it either (except people like doctors, employment advisor, et cetera). I've always been embarrassed to tell other people about it, even when I was first diagnosed and I was only 8 when I got diagnosed, I had feelings of embarrassment back then, and I still do now. When I was a child though, I wasn't afraid of people treating me differently because of it. I just wanted everyone to think I was normal, and because me and my parents knew that I was more or less quite normal for a child, people couldn't tell I had it just by looking at me, so it wasn't too difficult for me to hide it anyway.

Now I worry that other people will treat me differently knowing I have AS, which is why I still don't like to tell people. Not only that, I just get embarrassed, and I feel that my condition is my own personal private business, and that my friends needn't know. If the worst comes to the worst, I just let them know that I'm shy (which they figure out anyway) and I say I have an anxiety disorder, and I'm happy with just leaving it at that, rather than going into detail. Also saying ''mild learning disabilities'' or ''anxiety disorder'' sounds more generalized, sometimes I bend the truth a little bit like saying I've always had trouble with hearing which can make me appear socially awkward sometimes, which is half true, I have always had trouble with my ears, but the fib in that is I am not deaf enough to require extra support like needing a badge or hearing aid. So maybe just telling people one or two of your symptoms that could be a seperate condition in anyone might be better rather than being blunt and saying ''oh I've got Asperger's Syndrome'', because I know how humiliating it can feel if you're really not comfortable with blurting it out to people. I know other people probably won't mind, and most probably won't treat you differently, but it's how YOU feel at the end of the day, so go with what you're comfortable with.

Like I said earlier, saying stuff like ''I do get nervous/anxious a lot'' or ''I have a few learning disabilities'' is more easier to tell people and is less embarrassing because those sorts of things are more generalized. I don't know if it's accurate to say this or not, but probably everyone knows a least one person (relative, friend, colleague, neighbour, anyone) who are a bit slow with learning or are more nervous/anxious than the average person, so if people just knew you just had something mild like that then they might not treat you differently so much as knowing that you have this label. It's a shame AS and even ADHD are so misunderstood by a lot of people.

Last edited by Joe90 on 21 Sep 2012, 1:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I've only got a few reactions from telling people that I have asperger's syndrome. They'll either tell me "Wow man, if you didn't tell me I wouldn't have noticed!" or in one case there was a girl that was flirting with me and my mom told her I was an aspie (no idea why) and all of a sudden she looked all disgusted like she almost kissed a frog lol.

Those reactions have been from people who don't know about us. From people that DO know about us they expect you to be a genius or something. Or they'll be over sheltering and act like if you're touched or too close to the TV you might explode into a hissy fit so they treat you like a big baby.

Least that's what has happened to me.

I'd say it's easier to tell people sometimes. Like one guy was asking about my apparent accent I inexplicably have, and I just said "Oh, it's probably my Aspergers." It at least gives people a reason. On paper, people are supposed to be more tolerant of disabilities. IE, if someone is ret*d, they no longer get pointed and laughed at in a public setting for being ret*d nowadays. However, people speak and act how they want to in more private settings. So, for some people that have a hint of tolerance in them, the AS is better to tell, for people who are just jerkfaces all the time, it's irrelevant whether you tell them or not because they'll be jerkfaces all the time.

The other thing too, it's better to tell, as it gives you a free pass, I guess. Let's say you've got an injured leg and don't tell anyone, but you can still walk, they'll expect you to do the same amount of work or walk the same distance, etc. But if you tell people, they'll lessen the workload usually. So I'd say it's that way too with Aspergers. It's why you get any medical diagnosis, either to try to cure it (which is sorta impossible with AS) or to give people an excuse, not necessarily in a bad/lazy way, but "hey I have strep throat, I can't go to work today" kinda way. How often you choose to use your medical diagnoses is up to you, but that's why they're given to you.

Also (not sure if anyone else has noticed this at some point in their lives) but people who do know I have got AS act like they're perfect and not afraid of anything. For example, a social worker who I used to see acted like this a lot. She acted like she was perfect, had no worries, had no quirks, and when she was with me she walked around with an annoying exalted expression. Like if she heard a loud noise, I can almost feel her going, ''I am going to stand perfectly still like I haven't heard the noise, I suppose you heard it and you're now frightened?'' Or if somebody touches them they stand perfectly still as if to say, ''I love it when people touch me'', or they make strong eye contact and act like an extremely extroverted person. It really annoys me. It might just be in my head, but sometimes I feel that this social worker thinks that just because she's a supposed NT she should act the complete opposite from me. I can't explain what I mean. But this is the sort of thing I don't like NTs to think of me either, thinking that they're perfect and I'm not, just because I've got this AS. And in reality, nobody's perfect (take a look at my signature, do).

hm yeah! well i guess there no point me telling people im aspergers if they don't understand what it is, cos thats not so constructive

i dunno i'm just hoping having this diagnose will at least open a couple little doors just to get me a little bit of support, so i suppose i could just tell the people who can give me support like professionals, i've never had a job yet, but i feel like if i say ive aspergers i'll not get a job

apparently u can get DLA but i've looked and its like for people who can't walk and stuff :S so i feel like i don't deserve that, i just so hope i'll still get some support now i got this diagnose, i don't want the NHS to be like there ur labelled. go away now. i want them to give me some support like social skills training or, something, i dunno

i dont really understand what having being diagnosed with aspergers is gonna do for me now, will it improve my life, and help, everything is confusing at the moment

P.S and if i tell people, i don't want them to think there better than me, cos there not, cos although ive aspergers i'm prob better at them in areas, like i am quite nice girl, and some these so called "normal people" can be SO horrible,

I think it's not a case of one option is the best for everyone. Everyone is different and Asperger's affects them in vastly different ways. It all comes down to whether you are happy just being considered a bit 'weird' if your symptoms are mild enough.

I identify with your situation in that I was diagnosed just before I went to Uni and faced the same dilema. I told the advisor at uni as you have and decided that was enough. It was more of a precaution just incase there were any dificulties then it wouldn't look like I was making an excuse because I had already told someone at the uni.

Personally I would see how it goes for a few months at least and just throw yourself into the whole experience if you are just starting your first year. I know it can be daunting, all those freshers parties etc. but if you don't make the effort to make friends at the beginning then it just gets harder. Just remember that once you have told people you can't take it back. Then again, it would act as a good filter as there is no point in making friends with people who would leave you if they found out.

This.

thanks i'm in my final year at uni now (3rd year) ive done 2yrs, i've made no friends and spent most my time alone in my room, but only thing which kept me going was thinking "im here to get an education" then it made me feel abit focused and not feeling like a loser, cos although im a loser for having no friends, im winning cos im getting good grades,, i've totally not been partying or nothing im not in to that stuff , i'm just very quiet, i like watching TV and going on laptop, and being in bed and not mixing (i dont like it, cos its not right , but its what makes me feel safe), its deffo taken chunks out of my self-esteem but i feel quite proud that i didn't quit, i was going to so many times, but i stuck at it just to get the grades

if i told the people in my uni accomadation i was aspie, i would just be known as that autistic thing, or something, cos they still wouldnt have liked me,

at uni we study disorders like autism and aspergers, and listening to my uni group talk about aspergers people it disturbs me they talk like there a completely different species , its SO upsetting to hear how they talk about "them", so yeh, i would never tel any students

actually i'm starting to realise i shud just keep this a secret

true i do get called weird but sometimes people say it in a kind way

I have got a friend who as far as I know is NT, but she seems very tolerant. She doesn't know I have AS, I don't think she's even heard of Autism, well she might have but doesn't know much about it, and she hasn't suspected AS, she just thinks I'm nervous, which I am. But then she's a bit nervous too, even though she had such a nice upbringing. But she was brought up in the country so moving to a built-up area is probably a bit much for her after leaving in a peaceful countryside with animals and friendly neighbours who didn't care too much about conformism. She's met a lot of odd people in her life, and so she thinks my odd ways are nothing compared to others who she has met. She just likes my kind nature but doesn't take advantage of it.

I love blogging and I feel like I should tell my readers I have Asperger's in order to explain some of my viewpoints and life experiences, yet I'm afraid that if I do that, the lesser-informed will use it against me to say that all of my observations on society and people are invalid, since Aspergians "can't relate to anybody" or "can't understand social cues". And then there's the fact that I'm not officially diagnosed... I'm also afraid to tell my parents about it (I'm an adult and don't live with them) because my mom has always been overprotective of me, as if she thinks I can't take care of myself, and I'm afraid it'll just get worse if she finds out I've had a disability my whole life.

As for what to expect from people, here is a funny/snarky video about that called "Sh*t People Say to Aspies".

http://youtu.be/MIyhCAPti9w

(I have no idea why my embedded videos never work anymore.)

I am approaching this per each situation. I am not always a good judge of what to tell whom. But, I am also glad to have a diagnosis to hold and share if needed. I am finding it not only simply helps me understand and contextualize my own behaviors and responses, but it is helping me to problem solve with other people. For example, I miss cues in class to speak when the prof looks at me. It has been pointed out in an embarrassing manner. Now that I know that I am not stupid and this is not unusual for someone like me, and as well as having some tips from my psychologist, I can ask directly that I have a clear indication in class that I am to speak. This is far less embarrassing for me than feeling like an idiot because I can't "just tell" what people want from me. Maybe it will improve their communication skills, too, and make them less judgmental. Just a thought.

lolol ive not laughed for 2 days but this made me smile i like this video thank u

My supervisors at work know because they have to.

Beyond that, I prefer not to go around announcing I have a mental disorder.

I have told today to my mother in law. As she is Brazilian, she was not very disappointed. She only stated with my wife that this is the explanation for my strange behaviour and that I was not malicious all the time she was passing with me. This was important for me. Even she is 71 years old, she is very attentive and perceives many things I simply overlook.