Constantly make people mad without intending to
justanothermonkey
Hummingbird
Joined: 28 Dec 2011
Age: 71
Gender: Female
Posts: 23
Location: other end of the wires
I think this is just the most obvious sign of Asperger's from an outsider's point of view -- offending people without meaning to (not being able to predict and avoid saying or doing what will offend people) and then not knowing how to recover or make peace. Regardless of how it feels, it is 99.9999999% of the time in your interest to recover and make peace. If you can't see that, then take it on faith because it is REALITY whether you can see it or not.
There is an American cliche for describing someone with exceptionally good social skills: "He could tell you to go to hell and make you look forward to the trip."
I could no more hit in that league than I could fly.
All that said, there are lots of social spaces in this world that are bullying or hypercritical sub-cultures. Ask others if they find the environment you are in hypercritical, or dominated by bullying. You may find that many of the NT's think the social atmosphere stinks, too.
_________________
All things considered, there is only Matisse. ~ Pablo Picasso
RAADS-R: 156, HSP 18, AQ 29, AS 150 of 200, NT 43 of 200, eq 20, sq 111, rq 20, pq 14
justanothermonkey
Hummingbird
Joined: 28 Dec 2011
Age: 71
Gender: Female
Posts: 23
Location: other end of the wires
You don't get to determine what "offends" other people. Each of us, as individuals, determines what we find offensive. When you offend someone, turning it around to blame the offense on them "even though it was their misunderstanding to begin with" will almost always result in others becoming angry with you.
When you find you have offended someone, the safest response is an apology--without an attached litany of excuses and explanations, then tuck the fact that they are offended by whatever it was into your memory banks and try not to repeat the offense in the future.
There is your honest feedback. Take from it what you will.
That person isn't the OP?
justanothermonkey
Hummingbird
Joined: 28 Dec 2011
Age: 71
Gender: Female
Posts: 23
Location: other end of the wires
You don't get to determine what "offends" other people. Each of us, as individuals, determines what we find offensive. When you offend someone, turning it around to blame the offense on them "even though it was their misunderstanding to begin with" will almost always result in others becoming angry with you.
When you find you have offended someone, the safest response is an apology--without an attached litany of excuses and explanations, then tuck the fact that they are offended by whatever it was into your memory banks and try not to repeat the offense in the future.
There is your honest feedback. Take from it what you will.
People can get offended over anything. There are people out there who are so sensitive you have to walk on eggshells and they are hard to be around because you don't know what is going to make them mad. How is that even your fault? I was put on birth control when I was 13 because my hormones made me so sensitive, anything offended me and would make me cry and my parents got so sick of dealing with it, they put me on birth control and it made my life easier in school too because it made me be tougher towards other kids about things they do to me and say to me without me over reacting and taking things the wrong way.
You can tell someone you don't like Titanic and boom, that person gets offended. Should you apologize for offending them for not liking the same movie they like? Or you can tell someone you can't stand the color red because it reminds you of blood and you hate that color and boom someone can be offended by that too. You can also say you find McMansions to be fugly and boom someone can be offended by it. See my point?
_________________
Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed.
Daughter: NT, no diagnoses.
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