How do you react to threats to personal safety?

Post Reply New Topic

I read a really interesting account in Liane Holliday Willey's autobiography today about a potentially dangerous situation she was once in. It made me wonder how others on the spectrum react in similar circumstances?

The excerpt is below, but it's very long so I've cut out a fair amount of detail to make it easier to focus on the actual reactions she describes. Are these responses typical? What other facets or internal mechanisms are there? I ask because I know I reacted in a questionable manner to a situation once and I've always wondered why. Maybe I can describe mine in another post, but it seems like there's too much wordage here already.

NB. For those who are sensitive or over imaginative, don't worry it all works out okay in the end...

"[...] He was dressed in ragged, mud coloured pants and a too worn flannel shirt that faded up and into his ashen, leathered face. Still, I was not particularly alarmed, only annoyed by the look of him. I can still hear the voice he used when he spoke to me. He spoke in a monotone, keeping cadence with the pace his feet kept as he slowly made his way to me. I had yet to stop and worry about his presence in my classroom. I was more curious, more intrigued by the effect he had on my quiet room, than I was by the possible effect he could have on my safety. He told me he had been in jail, that he had just been released. A tiny bell sounded in my thoughts to alarm my suspicions, but I barely heard it. I was simply too engrossed by his mouldy appearance to make much of a decision about his possible motives.

[...] The tiny bell turned into a blaring alarm the moment he came within an arm's length away from me. I am disturbed anytime anyone breaks my personal space rule, but in this case I was mortified. Not scared as much as disgusted, though I might have been more frightened than anything else, if he had not smelled so offensively. [...] The instant he violated by space, I backed up to move myself away [...] Still he kept coming toward me [...] It never dawned on me to scream. It did not occur to me to run, though I never quit backing up. I do not think my feeble reactions were affected by a state of shock. [...] I think I was just unable to separate my sensible emotions from my sensory overload on that day; everything was too jumbled. [at which point another person enters the room and all is well again]"

If I don't have time to rationally assess the situation (as we often don't) I seem to have the usual fight-or-flight routines. In a car I'm fairly calm, though that might just be my response to prolonged terror. What's more off, I guess, is what I will respond to-I'll be irrationally afraid of some far-fetched threat.

Never really had any. I mean, basic physical bullying, "peers" wanting to show dominance and all that (being bigger than most and quiet ironically makes people do this), and other silly stuff, is basic fighting without it going anywhere. I always resorted to subduing the individual, rather than wanting to hurt them (after all, I had no problem with them, even if they wanted to start fights).

Appropriately, really. Though I find it interesting that I'd never resort to any of the martial arts training I've had. Probably because of the, not wanting to hurt them, clause (when you practice enough, a strike you do over and over again can cause lethal damage, after all).

It depends on how serious the threat is. In that situation, I would have attempted to distance myself, and if the person kept coming, I would have sternly warned them to not come any closer. If they continued approaching me, I'd reach for my carry piece while warning them again. A person who does not respond to a reasonable command to stop very likely intends to do you harm. The cautious side of me would have definitely pegged that threat before he got too close.

Fact of the matter is, you need to maintain situational awareness, and have a basic idea of the people who are more likely to do you harm. And you want to identify an incoming potential threat, by changing course to see if they follow you, telling them to stop, etc. If it seems likely the person is a threat, you have to choose whether to fight or flee. Generally, fleeing is the best option, as you never know whether that person has a weapon or how skilled a fighter he is. And always try to flee to a more populated area.

I tend to freak out, I get scared and terrified thinking the person is going to belt me up and kill me and bolt and disappear for a couple of days or even weeks I run to somewhere I feel safe and not tell anyone where I am which I did just recently I am that scared I do not think properly or with reason all I think about is running out of there as fast I can and not come back. I act like this due to a bad experience I had 4 years ago where I had a person who I thought was a friend kick down my door, beat me up all the time in my home and drag me by the hair down to his car whether I wanted to go out or not to go do vandettas against other people who did not like him from a CB radio group which I did not agree with and wanted no part of, I had no choice I was too scared to say No for the fear of being belted up again if I said I was not going to go with them anywhere and I was going out with someone else like my parents he would wait around the corner from my place and follow my Mum and Dad and I to where ever we had to go and in one situation he nearly ran Mum and Dad off the road he would also follow me when I was out with friends I lost all my friends because of him and if I did not go anywhere at all with him he would turn up at my place with his mates and do spinouts in their cars in my driveway and throw flour, egg, marbles, rocks, branches and ballbearings into my windows, leave disgusting things in my letterbox make false complaints to the police and send threatening letters and sms messages, it took three years for the police, the court and my parents to get me away from this person and now I am on a domestic violence order so he can stay away from me. I now have been diagnosed with post traumatic disorder and this is the reason why I run away and freak out so bad I always remember what this person did to me on a daily basis for over two years.

I'm pretty sure the only time I've been physically attacked I just sort of stared at the guy and blinked. I internalize a lot of stuff. c.f. conversion disorder.

when I'm nervous in a bad part of town I try to walk as though I have a knife in my pocket. looking like I don't have any money isn't that hard since I usually don't, haha.

for religious reasons I wouldn't put up a fight at all if attacked, though, so it's pure show. I wouldn't know how to fight back even if I was going to try.

I would run. I have run. I couldn't believe how fast I could run while having a panic attack, or the panic attack followed. I call it survival mode (I didn't realise this was a gaming term) when I get so scared that I'll just go into the turbo mode of thinking I have to keep a clear head and get away, and hold my emotions off until I get back to a safe place.

I have a lot of violent thoughts about being confronted. Me being the violent one. It must have started after I was 14 and when I opened the door to a drunk man who just barged in and traumatised me. I'm always cautious when I open a door now if I don't know who is on the other side. I even prepare myself for attack.

I also have PTSD and my thoughts get really paranoid.

I don't want to be the one to fight back because I know I'll probably end up being the one charged. I think I'll be so scared that I'll just destroy them so they can never hurt me again. Or I might just run.

Thankfully, I've seldom been faced with a true immediate physical threat to my wellbeing, but when I was a little kid, a teenage gang in a car, came up on me and waved a baseball bat at me to steal my bicycle. I calmly got off it and gave it to them, which in that case was the right thing evidently because I didn't get hurt. But that was in a way an easy situation, since they wanted the bike, and not me. If it were a case where maybe some other man thought I had paid attention to his wife, and wanted me hurt, I'd have to do whatever seemed to be needed, but I'm not a fighter. So I'd likely try to reason it out, and try to outsmart. If the threat were an armed intruder, and I did not know the motives, I would not rule out using deadly force (a gun), as a last resort. Yes, I'm properly trained and keep an armed household, but using a gun is reserved only for when the intruder is an immediate threat; never if it were an obnoxious drunkard, or an angry person without a gun or other weapon him/herself, etc.

Charles

I've been followed in the dark before by a guy who thought I was maybe a "working girl" but he was rather old and I was very young, so I wasn't too afraid. When I had a gun pointed at me by a road rage weirdo, I was so startled that I wasn't actually scared. He might as well have been threatening me with a banana cream pie.

Sometimes when I'm really in a bad mood, I imagine having a person try to carjack or mug me and I make them laugh while they're robbing me because I act so weird and goofy. That's sometimes what I do when I'm mad or afraid.

I've always been the kind of person that stays calm and takes charge in a crisis. It's the one of the few times I'm assertive. I think because it's usually pretty clear to me what needs to be done.

People assume that they will rise to the occasion during a crisis but really we revert to our most comfortable level of training. I study and train in martial arts, firearms, first aid, wilderness survival and in general safety and preparedness. The people that I see standing around when the building is on fire are the people that never gave it any thought that the building could be on fire. They are either to stunned to do anything or to panicked.

"I am disturbed anytime anyone breaks my personal space rule, but in this case I was mortified." One of the first things you will realize if you practice self defense is the invasion of personal space. When I first started practicing martial arts I was very uncomfortable. You get it some very um... interesting positions. If you're stunned by this you have no hope.

I guess my point is that this story doesn't sound any different from the normal stories I hear from people that never gave personal safety proper consideration. Most people are unaware and unprepared and would rather not think about such things.

I agree. There have been a few shooting where drunk people stumbled into the wrong house at night. That's why I like to keep my doors locked. I'm not so much worried that someone will break into my house but if they do I have a better idea that they are hostile if they had to kick in the door to do it.

I react immediately with fear and panic if someone moves into my personal space. A nice lady was standing behind me at the library and I could feel my fear and anxiety increasing. Logically I was thinking what is wrong w me...?.... Eventually ended up having a pleasant conversation w her since I kept my composure and stayed rational. Lol. The same thing often happens if someone touches me. I jump as if startled even if its just a hand on my arm.

Similar to liane's experience w convicts, I'm not instinctively afraid of people from that demographic but if anyone at all moves into my personal space I have some degree of fight or flight response.

Thanks for all the responses!

So without going into unnecessary detail, I was once in a situation a bit similar to that described by LHW, but outside on a sports field with dog walkers in the distance. I think I was pretty calm considering and I realised fairly quickly that it might be a good idea to attract some attention from said dog walkers to either get help or scare away the person who was getting way too close and was giggling maliciously.

All the films suggest the appropriate method for urgently attracting the attention of distant dog walkers is either a generic "Help!! !" or a blood curdling scream. So what did I shout?... "Excuse Me, Excuse Meee!"

Luckily it worked anyway and the giggler ran off. But all the same, I've always felt a bit foolish about it because I was actually worried about unnecessarily disturbing someone else's peace a quiet just for the sake of safeguarding little old me. I'd love to understand why my sense of priority on that is so absolutely ridiculous.

Screaming isn't a bad idea but I would have a better plan than just that. In many places violent crimes happen in front of many witnesses that just didn't want to get involved. From a bystanders point of view they really have no way of knowing what is really going on or how to help you. If you are concerned about personal safety you should take that responsibility upon yourself as you cannot rely on the right people being around at the right time to defend you. There are many self defense plans out there that fit all types of people. Find one and get training in it.