How do you toughen up?

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Anyone yelling at me I break down crying. I'm super depressed and stressed since I can't figure out a homework assignment in college!! !! ! I'm usually ok know what to do fine! But this I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN! SOME WRITE A MEMO AND ANALYZE THE DATA STUFF????! !! Outside of having a f**k YOU! and EVERYONE attitude to life which isn't ME! I don't know how to "toughen" up I'm a women and IMO am very fragile! I'm not a cynic! that hates everyone! I do believe "Anyone can be a victim" and "Everyone can be a killer" But other than that. Yelling shatters me and I'm very sensitive! HELP! To become tougher! and be able to handle life!

I'm a male, and I'm not very good with people yelling at me either. On the other hand, one of my friends, who's also on the spectrum, actually seems to find it kind of humorous when people yell at him. He just looks at them with this trollish grin while they're yelling at him, and then laughs it off afterwards. That's one of the things that I like about him, though his lack of seriousness can be kind of scary in some situations. He also likes it when he gets the opportunity to have a confrontation with someone, whereas I try to avoid all confrontation. I kind of wish I was more like him in some ways.

I am a man, and obviously come from a different background. When I was child I went through a depression. Nobody recognized it, they only saw me failing school, said I needed to learn to work.

I was able to find a way to toughen up. I am not going to say how. It was incredibly effective for 6 years. But it also left me miserable and with horrible self esteem. It eventually came back to bite me, and set me up for depression again. I learned to lock my feelings away and put myself under immense pressure to succeed.

Now I am not trying toughen up, I am trying to forgive myself for my mistakes and shortcomings, which is really difficult. Learning to understand myself better. Working on talking to others, asking for help, letting my feelings be known.

I used to get angered by a lot of things. Eventually I realized that it was not helpful and worth it. I took time to think about what was really important to me, and what things I could change. Getting upset over anything else is just not worth it, I still have to remind myself of this time to time.

I have also found that trying to understand someone else and their perspective is a very powerful tool for fighting distress. Understanding that someone may be stressed by something else, and that's why they have a short temper is helpful.

It sounds like you are in some type of science class, as far as the homework goes, try to understand why they gave you that assignment. What did they want you to learn. I helped TA a class for a year. It gave me a completely different perspective on doing homework. Think about having to grade 30 papers. Nobody is going to read every word on every page. There are likely going to look at the beginning, skim the middle, and read the end. Having all of the correct sections, figures and graph's will be important. Make sure you have the necessary ones, and that the data they present is reasonable.

I would not sweat all of the details too much. If the class is about science, they likely do not care about grammar. And unless the teacher specifically emphasizes something about format, then do not worry about that either. When I graded, I wanted to know that they had understood the concept. I did not care about grammar, or things like page numbering. I used to stress myself out so much on details and having everything 100% perfect (occasionally still do), and this made assignments a lot harder.

Hope this helps

It's kind of hard to help you with such a generalization and not knowing any details. With that said, you need to identify the reason why you start to cry. Is it the loudness? is it because someone is upset? Is it because of what you are feeling inside that is triggering the crying?

Is the yelling being directed at you or someone else? Are you the one doing the yelling? I could pose a ton more questions but I hope you get the idea.

As far as crying goes as a reaction to yelling, that is a perfectly OK response. Everybody is unique and everyone handles things in their own way. Some people cry, some don't. And sometimes it's a mix of the two. See if you can hold it in long enough until you can be alone to relieve the build up of stress by crying.

If you wish to be as tough as the mighty oak you are free to choose that way. But, when a storm hits the tough oak can be uprooted by strong winds and struck by lightning. Whereas, the soft and gentle reed will bend and be blown all around. And after the storm has passed the reed goes to live on another day.

The point is there are all kinds of ways to be tough and you don't have to accept the fact that just because you cry when there is yelling that you are weak. If you keeping on going and moving forward and not letting it stop you, then you have a soft quiet toughness about you. Take the time to let your body process what needs to be processed and keep moving forward. Nothing wrong with that and no shame in it either.

Edit:

The post above me by psblyaspie illustrates perfectly what I just wrote. He toughened up but he was miserable and depressed because of it. That's not the healthiest thing to do for the long term.

As for the assignment, take a few minutes and clear your head and then come back to it. You won't be able to tackle it when you are all worked up. You will only compound your frustration.

Toughening up will only isolate you.
The key is to become soft.

YOU PIECE OF DOODOO, YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO GET ANYWHERE IN LIFE! I THOUGHT MY LITTLE PONY WAS FOR DUDES ONLY, U MUST BE POT HEAD WHO EATS AT SUBWAY. UR POKEMON NEVER LOVED U


If you didn't break down crying, congratzulations. Remember one thing when it comes to being yelled at, sometimes you shouldn't take it so seriously. Don't completely ignore the problem but don't make a big deal out of being yelled at.

I get particually confused when people yell at me as it loks like there's no reason to yell in my eyes. Befoe, I would get defensive, lashout and yell back before getting upset and often get teased because Im crying like a girl, for which I'm a guy.

I did have strategies to manage school work. I lot of it stemmed from being unable to comprehesivly understand the question, very likly due to dyslexia. I used a learning transformation techniqueue, by putting in imfomation into a different medium, making it more visual, more audial, more practical and putting in it more laymans turms.

Could be as simple as typing the shortened question in Google and looking for images for more abstract subjects or YouTube in giving a more visual represension for something like maths. Has helped emensly.

Just something to try.

Ignor the yelling, the atitude, etc, and just deal with the situation in a robotic way. They are being rude/jerky so that is all they get. Maintaining your composure while they can't will annoy them and is a small measure of revenge.

Of course if they are harassing you, or making you feel threatened, call 911. make sure you always have a phone.

When someone is yelling at you it usually tells you more about them than you. It takes me awhile to work this out. My mum used to yell at me because she was unable to help me and I think my sister yells a lot because of her anxiety, and I have meltdowns over my anxiety.

As for working out what to do...First take some time to calm down and then maybe you should ask somebody for help. I would ask my teacher just what you're supposed to do. The important thing is doing the work right. Who cares if you look a little foolish for leaving it this late.

Becoming a cold calm person is not toughening up because underneath all that is a person hurting. My immediate reply to the title of this thread was to lift weights. Haha, I'm a literal thinking person and I like weight lifting. Well, that could even help with confidence. And don't worry, women can't really put on much muscle without taking steroids.

Just ignore the yelling and got on with what you need to do.

If I really needed help with course work I would look up examples on the internet and follow the same style. Like what PDT said.

see a pyschologist who understads ASD they will be able to teach ways of coping and feeling better,a good pyschologist is worth everything,mine are great have known them for four years and they are like friends can tell them anything.

I'll let you know if I ever get an answer. I am really sensitive too but I'm also oblivious until people start yelling and by then they think I'm an insensitive jerk.

My father also has Aspergers and he is a jerk. He doesn't care what people think and most the time doesn't lift a finger to help them. I don't know if he's always been like that or learned it. I just find it odd that I can be his child when I'm so different. Of course, people think I'm like him because they think I'm a jerk, but I get really upset when people get mad with me.