Talking to strangers

Post Reply New Topic

How often do you do it? What motives do you need?

I find it difficult to understand when it's acceptable to talk to strangers and when it isn't. The general rule (at least in Northern England) seems to be that it's okay to talk to strangers about something transactional ("What time is the bus?", "Can I borrow that pen?", "Do you know where the train station is?") but otherwise you're crazy or have some sort of agenda.

Sometimes I want to talk to strangers, but I have no idea how to break the ice. I don't do small talk so well, and it's (unfortunately) not acceptable to walk up to someone and say, "Hello, let's do a conversation."

general questions i can ask or answer without too much problems (like you said: what time is the bus, where's the station), but any attempt at a conversation is inpossible unless i'm in the right mindset, which is rare when i'm out in public

am basically helpless when it comes to this.
But working on improving all the time.

I've become relatively adept at strinking up conversations with random strangers, but generally speaking you need an opening of some sort to do it.
Generally I use an observation about the person or the situation to get started.
I can't do it all the time, nor do I really want to, but what I do it generally involves something that also affects me or that I know or am curious about.
Sometimes it involves overhearing something, but not all of the time.

The key seems to be to establish a connection of some sort with the person by having something intelligent to say to them.
It's also necessary to speak up, make it clear that you're talking to them.

I wish I could be more specific or give an example, but that's eluding me at the moment.

It's totally doable though, you just have to practice and be willing to be rejected and/or ignored.

i talk to strangers only when i have to. i have to do it tomorrow for work. I am not looking forward to it.

I have trouble knowing when I should talk to people. Or what to talk about. Usually when I am working on something, if someone is looking at what I'm working on, i try to "look friendly". usually it means i smile a bit, turn myself to face towards them (turning my shoulders because often I keep working at the same time. it is less stressful) and see if they choose to engage me in some sort of conversation, ideally about what i am working on.

this does not work as well with people at a bus stop. perhaps you can try and identify what they are looking at / interested in and make an observation about it. e.g. "isnt that puppy cute?" if they agree with your observation, i find them quite open to more interaction or 'small talk'.

good luck

I think it's about setting. Talking to strangers at places like a coffee shop or on campus is acceptable, even if they're not interested. A bus stop is maybe. In the grocery store or on the street is usually disrupting them while they're going about their day.

as you say transactional stuff I can get by with - "these are the directions to that store", "it is this time", "the bus should be here within 10 minutes" and or "it goes to this destination and you can transfer to the 38 there" - I can even manage to help people pick freash fruit or tell them an aisle something is on in s store.

but unless I am certain it is a social situation I am lost, i.e. out for coffee when conversation is expected, a nightclub (and even in these the people I know have noticed I am aloof quite often)

I also only talk to strangers when I have to. I could not strike up a conversation. I don't even like most people, so I worry that I will strike up a conversation, not like it, and then suffer through it for an indefinite amount of time, or god forbid in future as well.

Still it would be a useful ability. I am not good at it. I often look very serious and do not smile a lot with strangers. It is important to smile though.

I don't talk to strangers unless I absolutely need something. There are also some strangers that I would be more likely to talk to. If a person looks rough and gruff, I'd have a hard time talking to them.

When they talk to you. I also don't start talking to them either unless it's a question like where to get off, where something is. I am always shy so I never talk to anyone about random stuff unless the start talking to me and when I am real busy, I don't want to be bothered and they don't seem to take the hint. if I wasn't so shy or afraid of confrontations i would tell them I don't want to talk.