Hypnotism and Hygiene?...

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I have poor hygeine. By modern standards, I'm pretty shocking.
It's not because I'm lazy, I can work very hard at lots of things.
It's not just that I think the standards are ridiculous, I get that it's important, I'm just annoyed that we live in a world where we get dirty and have to make an effort to be clean.
I just find it really really unpleasant and daunting. I can really want to get a shower because my hairs greasy and my armpits are funky, but it feels like confronting a really lofty task.

I hate standing up for long periods. I hate being naked. I hate being wet. I hate touching my body. I hate the feel of my hair when it's wet. I hate being all moist and not quite dry for a while afterwards. And then putting clothes on to my not 100% dry body... and the damp hair on my neck. Gyaaaacckkkk.
I hate brushing my teeth because of the wetness involved too.
I'm an artist but I never use wet media because I can't stand it (Thank God for digital paint software).

As for laundry and what have you, I just feel so confused and inept and out of my element with that stuff, I get flustered and overwhelmed just trying to process what needs washing and what needs replacing with what or hung up or folded...it's like hell to me, noone seems to understand this. I know I appear really lazy to people, but it's just this type of stuff, my brain really struggles to function while I'm in these situations.

Does anyone have reason to believe a hypnotist could help me overcome these things and start enjoying hygeine rituals?

I understand that you are not lazy. You are not the only one who has difficulties with this. Hypnosis is definitely worth a try if you can afford it. I don't know if it will help but it won't hurt to try. You could even try a little reward system. Like for example let's say you really like something like, I don't know, let's just pick stickers just as an example. I happen to like stickers. You could say that if you took a shower you could treat yourself to some stickers. Or if you brushed your teeth you might treat yourself. And only treat yourself with that special treat if you actually do the thing. That way you could look forward to a reward after the icky feeling.

As far as laundry, keep it simple. I wash everything in cold water no matter what it is. I also use an organic laundry detergent called Charlie's Laundry Soap. You can order it on Amazon. It's expensive but the most you ever use is one ounce at a time. Sometimes I use half an ounce or even a quarter ounce if it's a small load so it will last a really long time and then it ends up being less expensive than what you would buy as regular off the shelf detergent in the supermarket. And it is completely biodegradable and organic and it is amazing at cleaning clothes. But washing everything in cold works well so you don't have to worry about what temperature to wash what clothes. Then I dry clothes on medium heat in the dryer except for underwear that I dry on high heat. Anything that can't be dryer dried I dry on a rack and that's it. If all of your clothes can go in the dryer than you are all set. As far as folding or hanging, that is really up to you how you like to do that. Some people just have a pile of clean clothes and a pile of dirty clothes and don't bother hanging or folding anything. Other people just put clean clothes in a big bin and have a bin or basket for dirty ones. I like bins and most of my clothes are in Rubbermaid plastic bins. I just stack the bins on top of each other and it makes it easier for me. I only hang a very few things like coats and nice dress blouses or dresses because our entire house only has one tiny closet. And if you buy clothes that won't wrinkle you won't have to fold them or hang them.

As far as when to wash them, usually if you wear them twice you should wash them. Underwear you wash every time, don't wear it more than once. If you are really active and sweat in your clothes or if you get dirt on them then you want to wash them after one wear as well. In the winter you can wear them a little longer if it is cold and you don't sweat. But anything right on your skin you want to wash more often. Sweaters or hoodies or jackets that are not against your skin you can wear more before you wash them. Hopefully this helps. But you want to keep it as simple as possible so that it does not get overwhelming.

If you need help understanding the washer and dryer we can help you with that too.

I don't know about hypnotism, but I also struggled with the feeling of being wet after a shower, and not liking how the towel felt against my wet skin, or how it felt to put clothes on when I wasn't completely dry, and one thing that worked well for me was to dry myself off with a hair dryer. Not sure how to help with the other issues though - maybe get a shower chair so you don't have to stand up? I struggled for a long, long time with taking regular showers, but as I've gotten older, I've found it easier. I hope things improve for you.

For laundry confusion, maybe make some rules for yourself about how to do it, and then follow a schedule. For example, I do laundry on Sundays and Thursdays. On those days, I wash everything that I have worn since the last laundry day, even if it's not really dirty, because I also get overwhelmed when I try to work out whether or not something needs to be washed, and how to handle it if it is not really dirty, but not 100% clean. It's easier just to wash everything. As soon as I take a piece of clothing off my body, I throw it in the laundry basket (I get undressed right next to the basket), so it's all ready for laundry day.

Then, for working out what needs to be hung up or folded, maybe make a list for yourself, like pants are folded, shirts are hung up, etc, and have it handy for reference. Then sort your laundry into piles first (underwear, pants, shirts, towels), and then, using your list, determine how to handle each pile. Regular practice on a regular schedule will help it to feel more natural and less overwhelming.

My experience is that when you are feeling overwhelmed by a task, breaking it down into parts and making lists is really helpful. Doing things on a regular schedule also helps me tremendously. For example, it got much easier to take a shower when I started taking one each day right after getting up, rather than taking it at night always at a different time. Sometimes you can tie a new task in with an old one that you already do regularly. For example, stopping by the laundromat after work every Friday to do your laundry. Having it tied in with something you do already (driving home from work) makes it easier to build into a habit.