How can I get through my first week of school?

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First off one thing: I've realized I've been rather complainy lately and would like to apologize.
Now to complain about something. (Sorry)
Last year school got so hard that I felt half alive and sick. About every week ort two I just couldn't bring myself to go though that when I wasn't accomplishing much. Not much got done because I'm a pushover who doesn't complain enough ( in person. Online is a tad easier sorry) and I usually put on a brave face. To top things off, people think I'm exaggerating when in reality I'm doing the opposite. I am finally feel happy and good often, but its fragile. I can't handle too much negativity, because I will start getting into my own negative thoughts. Just as I finally feel ok, I have to go back to (we're not allowed to cuss). Now I have to go back to a germy, over stimulating, painful, soap opera. I want to cry. How can I get through the week? What can I set up for myself so that I can handle it? I have fidgets, but unlike what my teacher would like to think they don't solve anything. I can't leave the room for more than a few minutes. I also don't show many outward signs of a breakdown or being on the edge of one, so all I can really do is go to the bathroom for a few minutes. I could be suffering on the inside and look fine. I start tomorrow. Sorry for such a self pitying post I just thought that any tips I could get would be helpful. Any inklings of ideas would mean the world to me.

Good question. Most of the people I know in high school are drama queens, gorillas, or idiots. Have barely met people worth knowing in high school.

I feel like I would need a bit more information in order to give more thorough advice, but I'll use my own experiences to give you some ideas.

You said it's overstimulating... What is it exactly that makes it so? Can you pinpoint specific stimuli, e.g. fluorescent lights, people's voices? Perhaps you could sit as close to the teacher as possible and as far away from other classmates as possible? The corners of the front row were my favourite places to sit, as you are kind of hidden there.

I usually carried a special interest-related book with me and read it during any break. I sort of saw school as a place to gather information - I would take notes, get homework, and then either work on homework or read my books in class. This purpose made school meaningful and even enjoyable for me. I always approached my teachers about any problems, whenever I wanted to discuss interesting things, etc. and I do think it's best to tell them about your problems rather than pretending to be strong. Otherwise, they will keep guessing and probably fail at guessing at the things you need to get through school.

The second part of my "mission" was to ignore my classmates. I realized I didn't fit into the social environment, so I tried to ignore it as much as possible. I begged my teachers not to let me do group work until I became more comfortable socially through accepting myself and my differences and found safety in the ability to self-advocate.

Thanks!

Dear MathGirl, thank you for all the tips you gave me.
I could talk for hours about why I don't like school, but I can give some specifics.
-the lights in some rooms
-all the people, I don't like crowds and its one thing to tolerate them and another to be able to be productive in them
-all the writing
-the group activities particularly when I'm the only one who cares
-the length of classes
-teachers don't teach how I learn
-I have new classes where I don't know people
-too much work
-homework, by the time I'm out of school (and even before sometimes) I am too beat to work anymore
-I don't have time or energy for things I care about
-the lack of liberty, feeling like I have no control , which I don't
-the drama
-ironically, how difficult it makes it to learn
-the dress code (I don't like having a lot of things touching me )
-the filth
-not being able to work in a good environment for me
I can provide more if necessary .
Thanks soooooooo much for being so helpful.

Thanks!

Dear MathGirl, thank you for all the tips you gave me.
I could talk for hours about why I don't like school, but I can give some specifics.
-the lights in some rooms
-all the people, I don't like crowds and its one thing to tolerate them and another to be able to be productive in them
-all the writing
-the group activities particularly when I'm the only one who cares
-the length of classes
-teachers don't teach how I learn
-I have new classes where I don't know people
-too much work
-homework, by the time I'm out of school (and even before sometimes) I am too beat to work anymore
-I don't have time or energy for things I care about
-the lack of liberty, feeling like I have no control , which I don't
-the drama
-ironically, how difficult it makes it to learn
-the dress code (I don't like having a lot of things touching me )
-the filth
-not being able to work in a good environment for me
I can provide more if necessary .
Thanks soooooooo much for being so helpful.

Hmm that's a lot to think about...

I think your only options are to either see if you can get homeschooled instead or find ways to cope with these factors. I would suggest considering alternative schools, where you can actually choose a lot of what you are studying. There may also be options for special classroom settings that are a better environment for you. I know in some special ed settings, it could be part of your IEP (individual education plan) to not have as much homework to do.

You can probably also find ways to minimize your exhaustion, though; for instance, using earplugs/headphones when you are trying to do work and there's too much "drama" so that you don't hear it and it doesn't get to you, or using sunglasses to block some irritating lighting. Sometimes taking breaks can be built into an IEP, as well, to make the class length more tolerable. I'm not sure how you learn, but I've found it helpful to take the material that the teachers taught and then find ways to learn the same material in the way that I best learned it. It can be time-consuming and is a lot of work, but the sense of accomplishment you get once you do better is worth it.

Not sure what to do about the filth, though. I've never treated school as a social environment so I didn't care what people were in my classes, I just focused on the subjects and my work.

I hope this advice helps and I hope you'll be able to implement at least some of it!

. I didn't mean filth as in people. I meant as in germs and dirt. Oops! I am sorry, I wasn't reffering to people, please don't think I am that bigoted .

No, I knew what you were referring to! I would never have thought anyone would refer to people as "filth". My thoughts are just all over the place. Apologies for the confusion!

I've been looking into homeschooling, but my parents don't want me to hate them as much as I hate school, since they would make me do the work. It would be soooooo much better of an environment though. Thanks!

I agree. That pretty much summed up my high school experience. The only tip I have is to concentrate more on your school work and try not to pay attention to your peers.

I wonder if you don't like schoolwork because you associate it with the unpleasant school environment. I'm just thinking that if you started learning things that you would normally learn at school in your home and associate it with something positive (i.e. listen to your favourite music while while studying, eat your favourite snacks, etc.), then you may actually learn to like academic work. This works best when you pick one or two things you really like and only do them during or after your study time.

I'm saying this because I hated schoolwork and never did any homework in middle school because I didn't want to be reminded of the horrible things I was faced with at school, like ignorant teachers and bullying. However, in high school, I started liking the school environment more and actually started liking academics, too. Academics might just not be your thing, but I think if you like reading and doing something that has a lot of structure, chances are you will be able to learn to like studying.

Thanks oodles!
I personally am very interested in homeschooling, but my parents are not so eager. I know that they want the best for me and I don't blame them. I know that I would be a very scary idea for me if I was a parent, I just really loathe school.

You would probably feel like you're more in control and thus more motivated if you homeschooled, so I doubt you would hate your parents as much as you hate school. When I got to college and was able to be more self-guided than in high school, my performance got so much better. Another way you can feel more in control if you stay in regular school is if you ask lots of questions and participate a lot in class -- although it really works best if you're in college since high school is so uncivilized.
This may be controversial BUT -- If you are old enough, even if your parents don't want you to home school, you could drop out of high school and get your GED, then just go to a community college for two years. If you get good enough grades in community college, it won't matter that you dropped out of high school, and you can then transfer to a university to get your bachelor's degree. I actually really wish I'd done that because I would have gotten my bachelor's degree two years sooner -- I ended up with a horrible overall GPA when I graduated high school just because the environment was so messed up for me, so sticking it out really did nothing for me.

Thanks! But I'm not old enough, and I want to be a doctor, and I'm not sure they let you do that with a GED.