Is there any such thing as a real, true, honest friend-

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JWS
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30 Jul 2011, 4:12 pm

ship, anymore?
I am finding my search for a real friendship has not been successful, even on Wrong Planet.
People will tell me they want my friendship (including my very soon to be ex- wife), but they never seem to honestly mean it when they say it. What's wrong with people, anymore?
I am sad and depressed and feeling hopeless. This is partly due to my high functioning Autism.
I just wish I could find someone to be a REAL friend to me. And not be lying about it..... :cry:


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OJani
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30 Jul 2011, 4:22 pm

Patience is the first word that comes into my mind. Second, I don't think friendships are perfect, even the best ones need compromises. Claimed friendships are usually not one.


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Sparhawke
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30 Jul 2011, 4:37 pm

This creature you speak of when you say "real true friend", it is rarer than hens teeth made of gold and bathed in the wine of the Gods.

I have only ever met one or two such people, the first one was at school while everyone else decided I was an outcast she actually took the time to get to know me and though I couldn't articulate anything at all, she was nice for the sake of being nice, not just in a taking the piss in front of her friends way but some years later I met her again, and she was just the same. I think if I had the ability to go for it she could have in time become my wife, she was that special. (and yes, I still remember her face)

The second helped me far more than she could ever know when my whole world imploded, to the risk of her own social standing in what could've been a very volatile situation.

I rate friends like these to be the rarest of all, those that do not ask anything of you but help simply because they want to and can...everyone else seems to be out for something; so much so that it takes me years to trust anyone and when I finally do they generally instantly betray me and make me wonder why I bother.



gothicfeline
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30 Jul 2011, 4:43 pm

This really depends on what you mean by "real, true, honest friendship."



Tuttle
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30 Jul 2011, 4:49 pm

Yes there is.

But even a true friend will make mistakes, will be selfish sometimes, and won't always know what to do for you or have time to put you above other things. But yes, true friendships exist.

Just most people don't understand what a true friendship is it seems like :(



Ai_Ling
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30 Jul 2011, 4:51 pm

Yeah finding a real, true friendship is something very rare. I wonder if I've found any myself.



Jediyoda
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30 Jul 2011, 5:03 pm

I agree. Dont give up with finding a friend that is honest and open. I personally have not had a good run with friendships even though I have friends that I have been friends with for many years and have known me for most of my life I find they to arent honest and open. Im picky now I know I shouldnt be when finding friends Im like you Im looking for friends who are open, honest, who dont cause dramas and are constantly involved in dramas, who can openly communicate when they have an issue with me so it doesnt cause misunderstandings who doesnt misInterprate at what I say and a friend who understands me for me who is patient with me and doesnt get angrey at me for the way I act who accepts me for me and understands I can be demanding and can take things literally and serious I dont mean too its just me and a friend who doesnt make fun of me and the way I am and my meltdowns. I learnt that the ideal friend is someone who accepts you for who you are all of you not just a part of you but all of you they stand by you through good times and bad and never leave your side even when having a meltdown trying to calm you down as you try not to hit them they help you overcome obsticales and encourage and motivate you to try something new and to be the best you can be they are proud of you and praise you when you have achieved something that you have always wanted to do they stand by you thick and thin when things get alittle bit overwhelming and a friend is someone you can talk to and discuss interesting topics with and have a good laugh with and enjoy each others company with no dramas and a friend is someone you can fully feel one hundred percent comfortable and relaxed with who helps you to relax and calm your anxiety down when in a social situation such as a shopping centre.



SammichEater
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30 Jul 2011, 5:11 pm

No. A true friendship is only going to be theoretical. It's a nice concept, but it doesn't work in reality.


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JWS
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30 Jul 2011, 5:11 pm

SparHawke, you used a saying I often use for something "truly rare"- as rare as gold hens' teeth! And boy, did you ever speak the truth with what you said!
Ojani, I hope you are right! :(
I earlier made a reply under "pain runs deep" saying my wife has told me (today) she is already filling out divorce forms; and she is fully trusting in an ex- girlfriend of mine (who obviously hates me) to help her fill them out! (this ex girlfriend has tried in the past to get me in trouble with the law- though I had done NOTHING to her! She's certified crazy, but my wife still trusts her) I learned how this ex of mine works (mentally) years ago, and she is a schemer. I've told my wife this, but she believes her, and won't believe me! :cry:
My wife is staying with her, so this has made me far less trusting of my own wife! :-(
My wife has started talking hateful to me, and blames ME for things that are obviously HER fault! I've been told to get rid of her several times by associates and family I know mean well; but there is a part of her I still care for, even love....it REALLY hurts to still love someone you're not even sure you can still trust! :cry: :?: :?: :?:
At this point my own pain is "running deep"- because I still do love her- despite every weird thing she has put me through.....


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JWS
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30 Jul 2011, 5:18 pm

Sorry, everyone.
I am venting a lot on here. I would appreciate someone actually being a "best friend" to me who means it.
I thought I had already found the best friend I ever had, but know now it isn't so. (read former post)
If you can't trust someone you fell very much in love with (and known for many years), is there anyone you CAN trust?
As you might be able to tell, my own world has suffered a devastating "earthquake"....


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JWS
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30 Jul 2011, 5:22 pm

I'm just trying to figure out if there really is anyone who still wants to be an open, honest, caring friend.....I really wonder about this.....


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JWS
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30 Jul 2011, 5:29 pm

JediYoda- WELL SAID!! !! :D


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JWS
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30 Jul 2011, 5:43 pm

tuttle, ai ling- I hope to make friendships with you. It feels good to know someone else is also searching!
Everyone, just searching to find out if it could be real- I've had a VERY stress- filled 24+ hours, and very little sleep, so thanks for sharing! :)


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mb1984
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30 Jul 2011, 6:03 pm

The friendship you are describing takes time and trust and experiences to build, at least in my reality. Once you get to know someone more superficially it will become more obvious if there is going to be a chance for a better friendship. You have to start at the beginning, and get to know about a person (and they about you) before they can help you. I know we communicated in the past, and I'm not sure if you had gotten my last message, but I am of course still open to chatting. I do genuinely enjoy communicating by type.
Believe it or not, I had been thinking of you. I had been hoping that since I hadn't seen (maybe I missed?) a post that things were going better with your wife.
Wishing you the best, and I do hope from the bottom of my heart that things get better for you.


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Troy_Guther
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30 Jul 2011, 6:05 pm

JWS wrote:
ship, anymore?
I am finding my search for a real friendship has not been successful, even on Wrong Planet.
People will tell me they want my friendship (including my very soon to be ex- wife), but they never seem to honestly mean it when they say it. What's wrong with people, anymore?
I am sad and depressed and feeling hopeless. This is partly due to my high functioning Autism.
I just wish I could find someone to be a REAL friend to me. And not be lying about it..... :cry:


Well, I'm here. Bring it on! :D



Reindeer
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30 Jul 2011, 6:13 pm

My friend Mark is a trustworthy friend to me man we have known each other for 9 years now :D But only been really good friends for 8!
And we just graduated from what would be called jr. high in US.
Once in a summer we were together everyday from early morning to late night :D

And we cheer each other up when we need it :)

But he ain't my only trustworthy friend just the one I have been best friends with for longest time.


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