A Mask For The World

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I've proven it true. It's usually the thumb nail.

[post removed, including an apology to you, Fnord. too sleepy to make sense no matter how many times I edited. it's been a long, exhausting, emotionally trying day & I just hit the wall. I'll try to do better tomorrow.]

Last edited by Edenthiel on 12 May 2016, 1:15 am, edited 5 times in total.

I wasn't diagnosed until middle age. By then my self identity was pretty much set. When I'm not on here I rarely think about my AS, so it has nothing to do with my identity. It's just something I found out I have.

Same for me. By the time I was diagnosed, I had already earned my degrees, served in the military, been married, fathered children, learned to play a few instruments, and accomplished a few other things.

Up until about five years ago, I didn't know that I was "supposed" to be an identified with autism. Instead, I had developed an identity based on electrical engineering, military service, music, married life, parenting, and a few hobbies and other activities.

I suppose if I had been diagnosed much younger, being strongly identified with autism would have been unavoidable. As it is, there is so much else contributing to my identity/personality that autism plays only a minor role in defining who I am.

Now, if only I could do something about this dandruff ...

When I was diagnosed in 2013 I looked back at how my life played out and determined autism was a factor, a key factor, or the major factor in all the key decisions and markers in my life. Since diagnosis I take into account my autism related strenghs and weaknesses in decision making.

While autistic or aspie is my identity I use different user names for autism related on line discussions and use my real name for other topics. I do not bring up autism unless it is brought up. But this is what I do with things like my race religion etc. While I thrived in certain jobs I never identified with my occupation.

Tea tree oil is supposed to help that Fnord. Also maybe get a good conditioner and use it. Maybe a leave in conditioner like my daughter uses on her frequently dyed hair. I'm not sure, but I imagine moisturizing your scalp would help a lot, and that's difficult without making your hair greasy. That's why I suggest you get your wife to go buy you a good leave in conditioner for dry, color treated hair. It won't make your hair greasy but it's full of moisturizing stuff. Also possibly some kind of hair product may help. Look for something that works on frizz for colored or bleached hair. I know it's girly and that s**t is expensive too, a lot more than you think it should be, but apparently it does something.

I'd stay away from dandruff shampoos. Those just made my kids worse when they had it. It went away when they started using products. I've never had it but I use suave dollar shampoo and conditioner, some kind of cheap gel or muscles, and white rain hair spray. I color mind but only about once a month and only to cover grey. I also only wash it a couple times a week tops, because dirty hair styles better and I'm all about some retro hair or some big teased hair. Plus at my age my hair doesn't get as oily, even though my skin does.

All my dx did was explain some things about me to me. But I could see if I grew up knowing about it and expecting limitations how I would identify with it. Also I could see how I wouldn't have been hellbent for leather to force myself to change things that I changed, because I would think it's not possible.

I've always knew that I had "something wrong" with me--though what that "something" was usually seemed vague to me. It was something amorphous and general, rather than something specific.

If I felt inspired to put on a mask to obtain something which would be unattainable should it be known that I have a "disorder," then I put on that mask.

Overall, though, it was rare for me to really work hard at trying to be "normal." I've always thought that people must take me as I am--awkwardness and all.

I know I'm likable to some people lol, which is enough. I accept the fact that I cannot satisfy all humans. Damn...why am I going to tell this personal things to you guys?..Maybe I want to have some friends here? Cutting to the chase, I was wellknown for some talents since very young age, I could earn money since I was a middle school student. You can tell that I've never felt truely connected to the same age group as me, if there are so called friends in my life, they're all kind of eldery people lol..much much older than me. They never judge me, they only encourage me to be myself ..so I think, part of thanks to them, I don't feel urged to pretend to be another person than myself. I feel fortunate to be who I am, even though people think I'm not a normal human being.

What genius did you have as a middle-school student, Drawyer?

Nose picking.

Very funny LOL....I'm being serious!

Sorry guys..I was lying..

I bet you were some kind of computer genius at that age!

I understand it's immodest to boast about yourself in the Korean culture.

Sorry, Drawyer...I shouldn't come on so strongly!

Exactly. Imagine what it must be like for someone to be told "You can't ... it's hopeless ... because you're autistic" from kindergarten to adulthood. THAT is what other people use to define your identity. No wonder some people want to "wear masks".

Now imagine what it was like to instead be beaten up for having poor social skills and jerky movements while also being able to out-score all the other students in your grade. Imagine being determined to prove them wrong and focusing on self-development instead of self-pity. Imagine struggling against your unknown limitations and succeeding where 'normal' people have given up or simply failed. imagine after earning recognition and accolades for your achievements, you finally find out why it was such a struggle.

Now imagine someone telling you that you should base your identity on one disability instead of a myriad of personal victories and accomplishments.

Sure, I am one who "wears a mask"; but only to keep the jerks from using a disability as an excuse to hold me back and keep me down.

I refuse to let anyone else define my identity for me.

I had a lot of respiratory problems and allergies as a child and was way overprotected. My mother kind of enjoys her role as martyr parent of a sick child. I heard "you can't" because of that all my life so I had to fight to be allowed to do normal s**t. Go to school with a runny nose, go outside, play at recess even though I might fall, go to school events. My mother wanted to even do my homework so I wouldn't get tired. For a while I was an entitled brat and then my grandmother got sick and my mother had me giving shots and cancer meds to her at home at 11 years old and then she left me there with my drunk grandfather at 12 for three months while she stayed with her dying mother. She stopped caring about my sickness and I found out I wasn't fragile and was pretty good at sneaking out after he passed out. And that's when I made friends. I also was determined to prove my mother wrong about me and I did. Big time. I might have done the same thing about autism or I might not. I didn't see any logical reason allergies and respiratory infections would make me unable to do normal things. I blamed my social skills on not being around other kids enough or being accepted but actually I wasn't accepted because of them. I was by a very few who helped me fix things and then later on by others. Now, most of my old bullies are on my fb and I've told them they were horrible to me and embarrassed the help out of them and got apologies across the board except from diantha and she is still a b***h and thought her fat ass could say something smarmy to my on my fb and I wouldn't put her in her place. So I did and all her old friends liked my comment. I / also enjoy seeing how much better than theirs my life is. I message them and offer support and sympathy and an ear but I just never have time to get together with them and they have asked. So would've turned out the same, because I'm stubborn and when I set out to do something I'm told I can't do I find a way to do it, or would I have given up because autism stopping me is logical? Either way it's a moot point.

It would have been quite lot easier to pout and say that they should accept me like I was and whine when they didn't and stayed at home with my mother and a lot of cats, but nothing worthwhile is easy. I'm glad I went through what I did because it toughened me up and made me more able to deal with things that most people can't, and it's made me who I am and I really like me. Most don't, but I don't care. They don't dislike me for the reasons they used to not. I'm normal and can make them like me if I want but if I don't like them I don't go to any effort to hide it so they don't care much for me. I'm an acquired taste and I've moved way past being upset that some people don't like me, because I know if I try I can make them just love me. I used to do that but then I had to deal with them bugging the s**t out of me so I don't bother now.

So that's why I tell people to push themselves and keep trying because I failed over and over and over and it was very very hard to learn to fit in and talk normally to people. But it's doable. For more people than think it's possible for them.

I was diagnosed at age 6 and I have never been told that I can't do something because of autism. Autism certainly shouldn't be the only thing someone bases their identity on, but for many it is a big enough deal that it's worth factoring into their identity to an extent.