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I'm new here. I'm a NT (or at least I think I am). I've been married to my wife for 11 years today. She is a beautiful woman and immensely talented - she plays the cello and is a gifted Interior Designer. I, on the other hand, don't have an artistic bone in my body (I'm an engineer turned lawyer). I recently listened to an NPR podcast about a woman doctor who self diagnosed Aspergers late in life. What I listened to hit me like a ton of bricks. I think my wife may have AS. She's taken medication for what was thought to he pretty severe ADHD/ADD. She has difficulty making any close emotional connections with others. From what I've observed, her relationships with her own parents and her sister are superficial at best. With any social interaction, she expects the other person to engage her first and, when they don't, she thinks she's been wronged. With our kids, she seems to only care that each day's chores/tasks are completed. From my perspective, she hardly ever, almost never stops to simply enjoy the moment with them. In church, a sermon will move me to tears and I'll look over and my wife will be making a list of some sort. Mole hills are made into mountains daily.

I'd appreciate any and all feedback. Does anyone know of a good website where I can test to see if my wife has AS tendencies?

Thanks in advance for your support.

Brad

You might want to check out this thread that lists the online tests a person can take: http://wrongplanet.net/forums/viewtopic.php?t=113459

Bear in mind that these self-tests are no substitute for an assessment done by a professional specializing in autism, and even if your wife were to take these test and get the scores that suggest autism spectrum, it may not mean that. She may have some other condition, or autism plus some other condition that affects her even more -- only a real assessment can establish any of this.

But the tests can be a starting point to figuring things out.

That "hit me like a ton of bricks" moment is a familiar one to many people who were unaware prior, then stumble across the common traits and realize it fits them or someone they know. Of course there are going to be instances when that sure feeling turns out to have been wrong. There are lots of times when that lightning bolt hunch turns out to be right, and it was such a big feeling because everything really did fit. This was such in my own case.

I would caution, though, since this is not you but your wife you suspect of spectrum traits ------ be careful of how you introduce all this to her. It may be a simple case of "honey this is really interesting what do you think?" and her being wow, certainly explains something.....or a person can react to a well meant suggestion with shock, anger and feeling like you just tried to consign them to a disability they may not even have.

It could go either way is all I'm saying.

My own reaction to my own self-suspecting of autism wasn't great, lol. Back then in my particular life, if someone ELSE had tried to suggest I look into it, I think I would have kicked them out of my life, lol, back then when it was a new shock to me.

Your wife may react completely differently -- I'm just saying you know her best so gauge a way best suited to raise this issue with her.