Are any of you actually shy or just quiet/resereved?

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CD84
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28 Jul 2010, 6:17 am

I understand the fact that those with Autism and Aspergers maybe shy due to social difficulties but what about those who are fine with others but are still quite aloof and quiet? I think it is a big misconception that introverts are shy, to me being shy means you feel a lot of anxiety being with other people, worried about what they think of you and what you say etc. I don't feel that although in school I was more self conscious I think because I had some mild learning disabilties and made school a challenge at times. I have said in my previous posts that I always had teachers, in school, college comment I was always pretty quiet rather than shy. To be honest I can be quite talkative when talking about my interests (which are typically very narrow and down to movies, music and videogames) otherwise I am often quiet and reserved, it's not uncommon for me to go for hours saying very little or nothing at all. Typically I mainly talk to get information (I always ask my parents a question), to ask how people are (usually my family because I do care how they are, with aquaintances it's more just to be polite) and about my interests. To be honest I think the main reason I tend to be quiet a lot is because I really don't have anything to say. I remember a guy (he even had the same name as me) and all me and him would talk about is videogames during the break at college. I think I said before my mother says I have Autistic traits because I tend to be so quiet. Sometimes I wonder If I am Autistic (although mild) myself at times because I do know some Autistic people I get on fine with them because mainly they like to talk about their interests. For example one Autistic man loves listening to pop/rock music and me and him were just talking about what bands we like for 30 minutes straight.



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28 Jul 2010, 6:26 am

I am both, but I can be a little boisterous once I warm up to people. I still need my alone time though.



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28 Jul 2010, 6:29 am

I'm introvert/resevered. Being with a large group of people or someone who's very outgoing make me nervous however. Most people never get to see me 'fun' side, because I don't feel comfortable enough to make jokes or be myself around them. In a conversation I'm ususally passive, responding to questions rather than asking them. For someone as me who lack social ambitions, it's hard to go out and connect with others.



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28 Jul 2010, 6:37 am

I am shy - anxious,worried what people think,fearful of rejection. Lack social skills because I spend so little time with people. Am doubting that I'm an Aspie but think ADHD / NVLD and social anxiety fits me better.


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28 Jul 2010, 6:48 am

I think I'm more shy than reserved. Depending on the situation I'm in and who I'm with, I can either be completely mute (due to anxiety) or one of the more talkative people.



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28 Jul 2010, 6:55 am

I think I'm both but much more reserved than shy.



Guitar_Girl
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28 Jul 2010, 7:13 am

Descartes wrote:
I think I'm more shy than reserved. Depending on the situation I'm in and who I'm with, I can either be completely mute (due to anxiety) or one of the more talkative people.


Same here.



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28 Jul 2010, 8:32 am

This is something I've thought about a lot. In fact, it's been how I've seen myself pretty much forever... it's only been recently that I've seriously thought about the possibility of Asperger's.

For years, my theory has been that "shyness" or "introversion" is poorly understood, or perhaps even nonexistent. I don't hate socialization, because I love talking to and being with the few people who can talk about my interests on my level. I can get really talkative, given the rare opportunities. The reason for being socially withdrawn is because people like that are so difficult to find. At least, that's what I've been telling myself all this time. Lately, I'm not so sure. There might be more to me than mere shyness, so that's why I've been investigating Asperger's and the autistic spectrum. There's a lot of things... my clumsiness, my manner of processing information, etc., that's got me wondering. I feel clueless as to how to move on in the world and life, and that's what's got me curious about my true nature. I want to learn if I can manage and work around these weaknesses.



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28 Jul 2010, 8:42 am

Usually, all I do is mutter at people I don't know very well, if they mutter at me first. Sometimes I lecture family members. Yesterday, in a rare occurance, I got to lecture someone from AP who was standing outside talking to voters. That was fun.
It's these times people who know me wonder if I have two different personalities, but I don't. I can be really quiet or animated and lectury, depending on how passionate I feel.
You could say I am shy at times (feeling anxious) and quiet at others (lost in thought).



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28 Jul 2010, 9:04 am

I can be shy but I don't think shyness is the number one barrier. Neither am I intentionally reserved or disinterested in social interaction. I'm often not very talkative because there's a mental block in coming up with novel things to say or ask others. I think I'm just not a very spontaneous person verbally. I get tongue tied all the time even when I'm trying to express the simplest of things.

Also, my meandering thoughts often overcrowd my ability to join in on a conversation. I can't always maintain focus on what other people are talking about when my mind is always going off on a myriad of tangents. When I'm with a group of NT's it seems as if they are all completely engaged in the speaker and must all be thinking the exact same thing as they will all laugh at the exact same moment when a joke is told. I'm never on the same page as everyone else. I'm always thinking ahead or lingering on the implications of something that was said 5 minutes ago.

I just always find myself on the outside around groups. It's neither a conscious decision to be "reserved", nor is it inhibition due to anxiety or fear of saying the wrong thing (though I do get self-conscious at times). I simply can't get into the groove or rhythm of group interactions.



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28 Jul 2010, 9:17 am

Pro-lone topic

I have never been shy in my life, or quiet either. Happy in my own skin.


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28 Jul 2010, 10:02 am

Although it's far from synonymous with autism/AS, I am very shy and self conscious.



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28 Jul 2010, 10:06 am

I'm not really shy.


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rmctagg09
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28 Jul 2010, 10:11 am

It's kind of both.



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28 Jul 2010, 10:38 am

I'm just a very quiet and reserved person. I love being arond people, but most of the time, I'd rather just listen, than talk.


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28 Jul 2010, 11:03 am

When I was young I thought I was shy, but I later realised that I wasn't at all, I was merely introverted and reserved. I will keep quiet unless I feel I have something of worth to say, and I don't talk to new people much at first, but I'm quite outspoken when I do.


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