All forms of street harassment completely stopped. Why?

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Aspie1
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24 Nov 2016, 11:45 am

Let's begin with a little bit of background. I first started going out by myself at age 13. I was granted this privilege as an 8th grade graduation present. It was better than anything material, because I could finally visit museums and zoos in my city without depending on my parents for a ride. (Which they rarely agreed to, even then, the agreed-upon ride could be revoked if I got a bad grade on a homework assignment.) I was very good with directions and bus routes, and my parents knew that. I had virtually no mishaps while being out and about, other than taking the wrong bus one time; the route had branches, and I got on the wrong one.

Fast-forward a few years. Around age 16, I started getting harassed in the street. I didn't drive until I was 19, so I got around entirely by walking and public transit. It was mostly done from passing cars, but occasionally by other pedestrians. This consisted of acts like screaming gay slurs, barking like a dog, violent threats, screaming "f**k you!", giving me the middle finger, and throwing things at me. I tried to minimize these incidents by walking on the side of the street against the direction of traffic and/or putting my hand in my pocket and making a gun shape with my fingers. But these tactics didn't help much. I knew the harassment was directed at me, and not random, because those people didn't do it to anyone else.

Around age 25, the frequency of these incidents began to decline, becoming increasingly rare. The last known incident that was true harassment happened when I was 28. Now, it doesn't happen at all! Less than a week ago, I was walking home from the train station, after coming back on a 1:30 AM train. I was alone and pretty drunk. That's a vulnerable state for an aspie man to be in. Just as I was about to turn onto my street, I saw a group of young men, age 18 or 19, sitting on a street bench. They looked a bit "unsafe", if you know what I mean. And yet, they took one look at me and totally ignored me! No even a "hey, you!". Ten years ago, it's safe to say they'd have done something. Or maybe not, I don't know.

I know it's a bit sad to view street harassment as the norm, but it is interesting---not to mention pleasant---that all forms of street harassment completely stopped as I got older. And on the rare occasions it happens now, it's more of a nuisance or banal stupidity, or even drunks thinking they're being funny (in which case, I banter back), than outright harassment. For the most part, people on the street simply ignore me now, like they would an NT.

Why did it stop? Does me getting older have anything to do with it? Or am I passing for an NT?



BirdInFlight
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24 Nov 2016, 12:00 pm

Think back on any changes in your physical appearance or demeanor. Were you still growing and you got taller by the time the harassment was ceasing? Did you get beefier/bulkier physically? Any change in the way you dress? Dress and presentation can actually play an unfairly large part in how people treat a stranger on first sight. Did you start to walk differently, with more confidence? A confident walk can put off a potential jerk from picking on someone, while if they see someone clearly looking timid they will tend to be attracted to picking on that person instead.

There are all kinds of very superficial, surface reasons why some potentially mean people take one look at a stranger and make decisions about treating them badly or treating them well. I've been thinking about this lately myself from something that happened to me and which a friend made a very wise but depressing remark about.



Joe90
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24 Nov 2016, 7:07 pm

Something similar happened with me too, although not as bad as the treatment the OP got from people. When I was younger I used to receive silly behaviour from teenagers, but this stopped when I was about 21, and I haven't had any since. When I walk past teenagers now, they just ignore me, like they can't see any reason to show me up. Sometimes I think young girls are judging me in a mean way, but that might be my imagination.

I still do get people stare at me, but that's usually women aged between 20 and 70. That makes me uncomfortable, but I am presentable and "normal" enough to blend in when I'm out, so there's not a lot else I can do to stop the staring.


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Aspie1
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24 Nov 2016, 11:16 pm

I don't think I'm doing anything that much different than in my early 20's. Although maybe the change was so gradual, that I'm not noticing it. It was especially interesting on my cruises several years ago. I flew in the day before getting on my ship, so I was spending the day in South Florida, one of the most pedestrian-unfriendly areas in the US. And yet, nobody on the roads did anything harassing toward me. Well, one driver made a left turn 3 feet in front of me as I was crossing the street on a green light, but that was him/her being an idiot, not harassment. (Florida drivers are allegedly bad.) I reacted by waving my arms like a crazy person and screaming "Idiot!! !" at the car, even though I knew he/she won't hear me. Perhaps that was the key: my former self would have just frozen in panic.

So it could really be anything: my walk, my posture, my clothes, my whatever. That's why I started this thread. I've been taking stock of my life, and wanted to get insight on my past misfortunes and what I did to cause them.



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25 Nov 2016, 2:18 am

I very occasionally get people screaming and throwing beer cans some of them full at me.


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25 Nov 2016, 3:38 am

We're men, man, we rarely get harassed compared to women unless we do things like go out alone at night and such (statistically, men are more likely to be the victim of an assault-related crime than women, but women are more likely to be raped).

Otherwise, if you're an average height, average sized male (not skinny for a man) and don't look outwardly timid or sensitive, you should have no problem going to most places and avoiding harassment.

Other men are a bit hesitant to fight another man (unless they're very ripped/strong) because the other man could be equal or greater strength.

However, this doesn't mean you're invincible.

I've noticed most often, a lone man is harassed by a group of other men than an individual.

The most likely reason would be to rob you more than anything else.



Aspie1
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26 Nov 2016, 10:38 am

Outrider wrote:
Otherwise, if you're an average height, average sized male (not skinny for a man) and don't look outwardly timid or sensitive, you should have no problem going to most places and avoiding harassment.
...
I've noticed most often, a lone man is harassed by a group of other men than an individual.
Perhaps this is why men stopped harassing me just by the virtue of age alone. Being in my 30's gave my face a weathered look, as opposed to an innocent, baby-faced look of the past. Plus, I used to be hideously ugly. And being ugly at a young age means you have bad or weak genes, which means you're an easy victim for harassment by stronger males (in a genetic, not physical sense). While at an older age, declining looks are treated as almost a given, due to the ageism in our society. So as I grew into my looks, I now fit into the facial quality requirement for my age group, making myself appear genetically strong.

Now, about being alone. It seems like there's a much stronger stigma for a young man (teens and 20's) to be alone than for an older man (30+). Heck, I can now come to a bar alone, and no one thinks twice, although women might still refuse to dance with me. While at age 19, when I came to a hotel club alone and left later, four guys followed me to beat me up. They were thwarted by a security guard, who saw them and pulled me aside. So given the stigma, it's really not surprising that a young man seen by himself will attract harassment from groups of men.

It's be interesting to see what the evolutionary reason is for this. Why is it bad for a young man to be out by himself, but tolerable for an older man to do so? Also, there is no such stigma for women of any age (although there are physical hazards). What's the evolutionary reason for the lack of stigma for women and reduced stigma for older men?

In fact, I remember reading a travel article, that partially dispelled the myth that when it comes to traveling alone, men always run into less danger than women: it's only true for older people. The real ranking from safest to least-safest, is this. (The list did not factor in seniors, for whom safety issues would be largely gender-blind, I presume.)
1. Men over 30
2. Women over 30
3. Women under 30
4. Men under 30

My own experiences with street harassment, as well as the absolutely wonderful cruises I took at age 29, go along with this list for the most part.



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10 Dec 2016, 9:37 am

To the OP:

1. The reason most likely is a change in posture, perceived status, and age. Sole young people who aren't perceived to have status are targeted for street harassment, in large part because they are perceived, rightly or wrongly, as having no resource to a larger group for informal retaliation or recourse to law enforcement for a formal response. While the more violent will target young people dressed in a suit, that usually draws a law enforcement response.

2. Males under 30, again, without a larger group, are considered fair game in many cultures, both domestic and foreign. Law Enforcement has a habit of not responding to them, particularly in tourist areas during "afterhours", for that reason. Also, Men under 30 are perceived, fairly correctly, as the most likely to start violent altercations or violent encounters by mutual consent. Young men without a group are perceived as threats to possible pair matching to those at a nightclub.

This makes no sense to people like us of course.


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10 Dec 2016, 10:49 am

I noticed a similar drop-off at about age 25 although it may have happened as young as 21 or 22. I think age is a huge part of it. Your ordinary teenage hooligan is not going to pick on a six-year-old, and they aren't gonna pick on an old lady (unless planning to rob her). They pick on people in their own approximate age group whom they see as fair game for bullying/harassment.

I do not worry about street harassment at all now, but I do worry about putting groceries in my car, getting my purse stolen or even getting carjacked. Anyone can see I am physically disabled and I think that makes me a target for criminals. However, that's an entirely different type of interaction than the street bullying.


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Jhob5
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10 Dec 2016, 7:05 pm

I get harassed alot in the gym. my obsession is bodybuilding and i tend to work insanely hard and just kinda tune out everyone around me.